(Closed) Mixed Genders at the Parties

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


I have to say that yes I find these scenarios a little weird.  Just weird, not bad.  Not in line with my personal way of thinking perhaps.  However as your sister in law there is no way on earth I would consider putting MY concept of wedding/gender rolls on YOU.  I’d never dream of getting between you and your brother.  And maybe my perspectives would evolve a little from seeing the way you did things, and that is always a good thing.  

I guess I can see the sil give pause, hesitate a little or have trouble understanding/feel threatened initially because the concept is so foreign to her.  But she needs to work that out, get with the program & be supportive.

My guess is that the root of the problem for her or between you & her is that all of this, your close connection to her husband makes her feel threatened/insecure.  I know many examples of this weird little undercurrent between SIL’s within my circles.  

Post # 19
5863 posts
Bee Keeper

Your sister seems overly concerned about etiquette and how things will look to other people “oh my, that just isn’t done!” than she is about people’s feelings. She sounds old school and judgmental and maybe a bit snobby. You seem more modern and relaxed and inclusive. I don’t think you’ll gain her approval (I have this same problem with a few of SO’s relatives, they’re upper middle class conservative and I’m working class very liberal) nor would you want to compromise your values and beliefs to gain her approval. I would be open and honest with my brother, as in “I don’t think SIL approves of the way I do things and I’m worried this will come between us”

Post # 20
594 posts
Busy bee

BigD:  Your sister-in-law needs to get out of the 1950s. This is a huge reason I hate, hate, hate traditional bachelor parties (and why my husband and I didn’t have them). “Men need man time and they can’t have fun with women there! Unless the women are naked, of course!” What, are they 10-year-olds who think girls have cooties and need a “No girls allowed” sign? Your sister-in-law is buying into negative stereotypes about her own gender, which is just weird to me. I also think it’s mean and spiteful to have an entire party to celebrate the fact that your partner isn’t there and do things they wouldn’t approve of. Your joint one sounds way more fun and positive – you’re celebrating your marriage, rather than mourning being single!

I truly wish these old-fashioned gender stereotypes would die out. 

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