(Closed) Mixed signals about having kids- Maybe TMI

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

He’s your husband, and you should be able to have an honest, matter-of-fact conversation about timelines for having a family.

Instead of trying to decode his random comments, sit him down and ask him “when should we start trying to have children.” It’s not the most romantic conversation, but it’s one of many that you should have as a married couple.

Post # 4
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@ExcitedScaredBee:  +1

I also think it’s just harder for men to wrap their minds around having babies. I don’t want to stereotype, but at least in my situation, I had been ready to have a baby for a long time, but when the time came TTC, Darling Husband was a little skittish, even though he appeared to really want children now, too. It’s just a big deal. I’d talk to him about it & give him time. If he’s suggesting using the pull-out menthod, then somewhere deep down he’s ready…he’s just not fully there in his mind yet!

Post # 5
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah, you guys really should just have a talk and get on the same page.  We figured out the 6-month range when we’re going to pull the goalie, which isn’t for another 1.5-2 years.  It’s really nice to have it somewhat settled (even though yeah, I agree with PP, he’s somewhat skittish about the idea still!)

Post # 6
1185 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It is a weird talk to have and a strange new step to take together!  Deciding to make a baby is a big deal.

We aren’t TTC yet, but recently had the timing discussion.  Our driving force to wait another 9 months until we try is getting a major debt paid off.  We decided to pool our resources and cut spending so that if we do have a baby 18 months from now, I could stay home without adding to our debt.

Darling Husband also takes a little while to adjust to changes, so I let him come up with this timeframe. 

Post # 8
4575 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is def something you both should sit and discuss.  I know my hubby was ready way before me, and we talked and he waited until i was ready, now that we are both ready we are finally ttc and happy to cause we are both READY.  Talk to him and then you will know…best of luck girl 🙂

Post # 10
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@roweboat:  Personally I still feel that your last conversation was way too vague. Like another Bee said, you should and need to have a serious conversation about this. 

You may not want to bring it up because you have been talking about it multiple times, but saying “I need more birth control” and him being like “yeah or I can pull out” isn’t a clear cut plan of action. And, if you do have a serious conversation about it, you won’t have to continue inundating him with hints and small questions. 

Sit down and discuss when you plan on having kids – if you don’t want kids now, then explain to him that you arn’t comfortable with the pull out method because it isn’t a secure plan. 

Post # 11
2905 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Do you think maybe he meant the idea that you would be a Stay-At-Home Mom was stressful? I don’t know whether you meant motherhood in general was your #1 goal or being a stay at home mom was your #1 goal… but I can see him being a little worried about the financial consequences. Maybe he always assumed you’d go back to work after a few months of maternity leave and is worried about finances if that isn’t the case? 

Anyway, I think having a serious, honest discussion about timing and your expectations for working vs. staying home after kids would be a really good thing. I know you might feel like you’re bringing it up too much, but I think it’s better to communicate and have what might be a difficult discussion than to try to interpret hints and clues and guess at what he really wants. He’s your husband – you can talk to him about anything! 🙂 

Post # 12
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AnnieAAA:  Agreed.

OP, one of my best friends had this same situation with her husband – lots of vague conversations and when her pill ran out, since they both wanted kids in the somewhat near future, they were going to just be careful for a while. Or so she thought. She got pregnant the first month off the pill and her husband was really upset because he wasn’t ready and didn’t realize it could (and would) happen right away (I’m not at all saying this is okay – just conveying what happened). She thought he was okay with it potentially happening right away since she was going off the pill, meanwhile he wasn’t at all okay with it. I think a direct conversation confirming that you’re both aware of how soon a baby could happen and you’re both on board with this is important. My friend had a really tough time in her early pregnancy because they didn’t have those direct conversations. 

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