“I am kind of interested to know what sort of awkward conversations are in my future, though. I think (hopehopehope) that awkward conversations will be the extent of our issues.”
Just like you see in this thread, there will be various differing opinions about just about anything.
You’ve expressed that you’re okay with your adult family members (FI, Future Mother-In-Law, etc.) standing by their beliefs but you’re not okay about children doing so. Well, this brings the question, at what age are you comfortable for kids to do so? and/or, is it age or is it development?
You’ve said that you came to believe certain things at an early age yourself, so, will you let your little ones follow suit? (And your 8yo or 12yo or 16yo will seem “so little” to you when that age comes to them.)
You’ve expressed that you don’t want the kids to be taught that believing in god is the only way and you have no problem with them learning about it as an optional belief system if they choose to have one.
Meanwhile, you have also expressed an “only way” mindset: that god isn’t there, that creationism is crap, that there is no hell, etc., and all the while you recognize that the family (or church or community) would stick with their “only way” mindset: that god is there, that evolution is a scientific theory in school, that there is a heaven and hell, etc..
The dilemma is that it can’t be both. These things aren’t optional to either belief system. Somebody has to “be wrong” in the debate, and your family dinner table or backyard swingset will see countless conversations about something regarding creation, mankind, and how to commune with both.
Beyond child-rearing and golden rule lessons for any kids in your family, there is still the two of you to consider.
What are your beliefs on the household? the marriage relationship? the family authority structure? expectations for romance/intimacy/communication?
It’s fair to say that we all can agree that our core beliefs in morality and destiny guide so much of how we think and act.
When it comes to problem resolution for you two, how do you suppose you’ll feel if your husband asks you to openly follow his leadership about something that you privately oppose? and how would feel if he follows your leadership in something that he opposes? and you two don’t confide the truth to each other until after the fact?
iow, what do you think that could mean to you? would you rather truly agree most of the time? or just be agreeable “in action only” most of the time? can you openly follow and support what you privately despise or disregard?
Making little kids eat their vegetables is one thing. Making your spouse to eat the proverbial brussel sprouts is another. You know?
I’m certain that the arguments about which TV show to watch or how often to vacuum the rug will be relatively easy to tolerate. What about the bank account discussions? charitable giving decisions? medical intervention opinions? occupation or vocation pursuits?
Anyway, I know my $0.02 is just that: another Bee’s thoughts on stuff that is ultimately not up to anybody else’s consideration but yours. But you asked, so, there you go. I heartily encourage you to chat more and more with your Fiance about so much of what this thread has referenced, and see where the conversations lead.
Harmony in a marriage/family is a key component to a wonderful life, ime. Here’s hoping that you two are able to discuss things openly and completely, so that you can find the melody that works for you both.