(Closed) MOB and Family Member Wearing White

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You have every right to be upset! I would *Hit the ceiling* I would be so upset if 2 family members wore white to my wedding.

I do think you should convey to them that you think they should find other dresses that are NOT white….

I wouldn’t let this go.

Post # 4
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be upset.  My sister is wearing one of my wedding colours and I am a bit pissed off about that!

Post # 5
Member
46677 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think you have to be delicate.  I would be direct with my Mom. I would remind her that I was upset at the other relative wearing white and would respectfully ask her to change the two dresses for some other color.

Post # 6
Member
635 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i went shopping with my mom to avoid this. i’m terrified that my FI’s stepmother is going to wear her “wedding outfit” that she wears to everyones wedding. white top, black skirt. i do not want anyone else in white, especially if they will be in pictures.

Post # 7
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If it’s your mom, I would say be honest. I wouldn’t say anything to the other relative because that would definitely be taken as a Bridezilla moment, but if you have a heart-to-heart with your mom where you respectfully point out that usually guests, or bridal party members, don’t wear white to a wedding (or the events surrouding it, like the bride’s rehearsal dinner since most bride’s wear a casual white dress to that) she may be understanding. A lot of how this situation may turn out is how you approach it. 

Just to mention from my own wedding experience, when I started planning I was super into a “snowball” wedding or the “Kim Kardashian look” where the bridal party actaully wears ivory or white. My sister was borrowing a dress from a friend of mine who’s sister got that dress made for my friend’s wedding, and it was cream and gorgeous and big and poofy (not tulle or anything, just a fuller skirt). So I knew that, combined with the fact that that would be my sister’s dress, and my love for the snowball-theme, I chose ivory/cream as dress colors (and pretty much colors for everything else too, much to my mother’s chagrin, lol).

Now, the people that would be wearing ivory/cream were my one sister, my groom’s two sisters and possibly MOB and MOG (MOG really didn’t take to the idea because she’s blonde and it would wash her out, so I ended up choosing black for the mothers and I’m glad I did because my mother wore a black sequined gown that was AMAZING). I did have bridesmaids, but see, that was where I drew the line with the white dresses. I had no problem whatsoever with the sisters wearing ivory/cream (my dress was ivory also, not white, so we really were wearing the same color). My sister is GORGEOUS and I am absolutely 300% not in the category of thinking she would upstage me (some people at the wedding actually mistook her for me – I guess they think we look alike – and my sister was all, hellooo no veil here! and it really didn’t bother me at all!), and I was not worried about my groom’s sisters in any way in that category. I was a little annoyed because DH’s youngest sister got a full on white dress and the color just didn’t match the other two sisters at all – but whatever, it is what it is. 

But… to have 7 or 8 friends walking around in white dresses with a bride sitting right there!? Not happening – so I chose navy for my friends and they all wore a White by VW for DB Bridesmaid or Best Man dress that was SO flattering and gorgeous on all of them. So I totally get where you’re coming from – I was less sensitive about any upstaging from just my family, but I think it would be totally wrong for my friends or other extended relatives to show up that way. I knew a girl who wore a long white gown with feathers on it to her uncle’s wedding and she saw no problem with that and I thought it was really inconsiderate! Just handle the situation delicately and with respect (this is your mother, so the degree of respect has to be there) and I’m sure you’ll have nothing to worry about. 

Post # 8
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I also say be direct with your mom, and the other family member. And I agree with PP that you don’t need to be delicate, this is common knowledge that it’s bad form to wear white to the wedding if you are not the bride, and the fact that your mom did it after knowing it bother you is ridiculous. You would not be being a bridezilla at all, just stand up and tell them how you feel.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

That’s not cool.  I would tell them that you are uncomfortable with it.

Post # 10
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe go about it like this to your Mom~’if you’re going to be wearing such a bright white I thnk it would really flow better in the pictures if you could match your excessories to the ivory in my dress and the groomsmen shirts; maybe add an ivory scarf/shoes/ivory corsage etc’.  I don’t think she or the other “whitewearer” will by any means upstage you, but I do agree that the contrast in pictures without them adding ivory into their ensembles will make you’re dress and wedding party’s ivory look dingy.  In no way will you seem like a bridezilla, if anything you will probably see a lightbulb above your mom’s head followed by an omgoodness, I’m sorry apology and a mob shopping day!  Good Luck.

Post # 11
Member
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Geez-Louise, how much clearer can ya be ? 

I mean you actually had “the conversation” with your Mom when the other family member decided to wear white.

You are not a Bridezilla at all…

Sorry I don’t get it… how inconsiderate some folks can be… and your Mom to boot.

I feel for you, this is gonna be a tough talk to have.  But one I think is necessary.

I wish you luck, and that it goes well.  (( HUGS ))

 

Post # 12
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee

@meg131:  

 

YOU don’t need to do anything.  You have enough to worry about.  It’s your day. Be beautiful, act beautiful, and make memories! Smile

Anyone who shows up at a wedding wearing white other than the bride makes a fool of themselves (excluding bridesmaids, et al. for those who choose to have an all white wedding). 

 

I’d ignore it and enjoy the day. 

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