(Closed) MOB and MOG Dresses – Same Color – HELP!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

To be honest, I never knew of this tradition until my FI’s mom asked me what color I think my mom will be wearing. She said typically the MOB buys her dress first then the MOG buys her dress so as not to clash colors. I thought that was so sweet of her to extend that courtesy.

That being said. For me…it’s not really a big deal even if they did wear the same color.

Has she conveyed to you before about the clashing of colors with your mom??

Even though they are both wearing “navy blue” it can be a totally different shade of navy blue. The dress can be completely different so it’s not like they are wearing the same dress in the same color. I think no matter what, your mom will ride on high of her only child being married!

But, that is just my opinion. Perhaps if it really concerns you ask what your Fiance thinks about the situation? Does he think his mom will be offended if you asked?

Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I guess I would wonder how well you know your Future Mother-In-Law to try and guage her reaction if you say something to her about it. She may be annoyed or embarrassed or even laugh at you thinking you’re kidding. As long as you’re prepared for whatever she might say,I say go for it.

Both of the MOG’s got their dresses before me,not even bothering to ask if I had any specific colors in mind. When the first one did it and I mentioned it to her (jokingly,saying something like ‘I always thought the MOB picked her dress/color first?’) she thought I was kidding! She assured me I wouldn’t have anything like her dress as it was pretty plain and simple. What was I supposed to say or do then?

At least the other one got hers simply because she’s been living in another country for the past 6 years,and it made more sense to get it while here on a visit. The color she chose isn’t something I would have anyway,so its OK with me. By The Way….we are all the same age and I wondered why I knew the usual MOB/MOG traditions and they didn’t?

As long as you are prepared for her reaction and the matching colors is upsetting you,why not ask your Mom how she feels about it first? She really may not care,you know.

Post # 6
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’d talk to your mom.  For me, I really could care less if this happened (it actually might as I just gave them a few color suggestions), and I know my mom wouldn’t either – at least not unless the styles were also very similar.  But your mom may feel differently?

Post # 7
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

I wasn’t disappointed…I was irritated! lol The first MOG actually bought the same color I already had but nobody knew about. I wasn’t sure if I was keeping it or not,so yes…I was a TAD annoyed.

I think instead of agonizing over it and your Mom’s reaction,you should really just tell her. If she IS upset,you then know what to do.

Post # 8
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Talk to your mom.  This was a part of the wedding that my mom was really hell-bent on.  She would pick HER dress first and MOG would NOT get the same color.  It worked out fine because my mom got green and MOG doesn’t even like green.  But if this had happened to my mom, she would have lost it.  As PP mentioned, your mom might be more understanding.

Post # 10
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Girlie: I would have your Fiance explain etiquette re: this to his mom.  When we first got engaged, Fiance gave his mom the info in the below links because she’s a little shady on etiquette sometimes.  This might help your Future Mother-In-Law.

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-duties-in-detail.aspx

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/mother-of-the-bride/articles/mother-of-the-groom-attire.aspx

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Is there any chance you can call your Future Mother-In-Law and ask her to switch the color of her dress? Just let her know that your mom bought the color first, and it’s important to you that she have her moment as well. Ugh…I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can tell you that if my Mother-In-Law bought the same color dress as my mom, she would definitely freak out about it. So you’re not alone in your mom feeling disappointed. Hopefully you can have a chat with your FMIL?

Post # 12
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I always thought the mom’s were supposed to wear a similar color!  Shows you what I know.  Personally, I don’t think it really matters.  Have the mom’s wear whatever makes them feel most beautiful.  It’s not like they are trying to one -up each other.

Post # 13
Member
4024 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I actually thought it would be neat if my mom and FIs mom wore the same color. I’m not sure what the “rule” is about it though…

Post # 14
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@RosieGirl: The “rule” is that MOB picks her dress first and then lets MOG know what color she picked so that MOG can choose something complimetary.

Post # 15
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

Ugh, what a complicated situation.  I do think it’s traditional for the MOB to pick her dress first, but it’s too bad your Future Mother-In-Law didn’t know that first.  Personally, it wouldn’t bother me if they both wore the same color, but if your mom is upset, it might be worth talking to your Future Mother-In-Law about it.  You could just mention that your mom was expecting that she would choose her dress color first and that you were really hoping for them to wear different colors?  By any chance, does your FMIL’s dress come in another color than the one she bought?  She might be able to return and exchange the same dress in a different color?

Post # 16
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I had this SAME problem!  My Mom purchased her dress in an elegant sage green color and so I told my Future Step-MIL and she then went out and picked out a slinky dress in a green color but a different shade.  (My Fiance Mom moved overseas and may not attend the wedding)  I expressed my concerns to her and told her that I would appreciate if she went with a different color but she said that since she is spending so much money on the dress, that she would like to get the color she wants.  Are you kidding me?!?!  Her dress was only $100, SIGNIFICANTLY lower than my MOB’s dress.  I am really afraid the colors will clash and seeing as how she already bought the dress, without letting me know her final decision, now she can’t take it back.  Grrr!!!!!

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