MOB decided we will be making 'changes' to the wedding

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
342 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  We learned the hard way……call your vendors and give them the heads up. Tell them if they get calls or emails from anyone other than you, they are not to change a thing. My daughter’s Mother-In-Law did this when she was planning their wedding but didn’t know of the changes until the wedding day.

Post # 17
Member
9339 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  a lot of our moms didn’t get to plan their own weddings so I get why they think their daughter’s wedding should be up to them because that’s their experience. But they also didn’t have to pay for their own wedding! 

Post # 18
Member
10637 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus : 

What they all said .And never let this “I tried to ask her what changes she wanted to discuss”  pass your lips again !! 

Post # 19
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  I didnt read your additional info, didnt have to. Tell her it’s your wedding, your way. Have your FH speak to her as well. I dont care if shes paying. Offering to pay for your child’s wedding should be treated as a gift, not a prison sentence. 

Post # 21
Member
7974 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

who is paying for your wedding?

my mom paid for our wedding. i actually offered to her to plan our wedding.  she said no, it was mine and my husband’s wedding, so our vision.  then she wanted to take over things and have it her way. i told her she can’t have it both ways.  she lost the oppprtunity to have final say, when she turned down my offer. 

her main things were photobooth and uplights which i didn’t care for.  our photobooth was a no show (we got our money back) but she blamed me and said it was my fault because i didn’t want it.

Post # 22
Member
9339 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  my friend had a similar issue with her mom in that her mom has always had visions of how she thinks her daughter’s life should be. Her daughter is a kickass human (she’s my daughter’s Godmother) but definitely not the prim and proper Catholic girl her mother wished for. When we were planning her wedding I reminded my friend “you are amazing – and your mother can either be happy that she got such an awesome daughter and accept your choices or she can go out and find the daughter she wishes she had. But you do not have to become the person she wants you to be”. 

Post # 23
Member
4081 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

I also agree with contacting your major vendors about changes… It couldn’t hurt, right?

Is your Godmother aware of your moms toxicity? Are you able to call her ahead of time to see if any of these “changes” are coming from her or if they’re all coming form your mom? If they’re all coming from your mom, maybe ask your Godmother to back you up on not making any changes or discusing too many details because it will just cause trouble. If she wants to talk wedding, you can do that over the phone but that you dont want to discuss it too much with your mom around. Is that an option?

Post # 26
Member
4081 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  I think this is where having your Godmother on your side would be instrumental. You can chat about the wedding with her all you want on the phone and then ask her to help you change the subject when your mom brings it up in person. If she already knows all the details, she wont mind helping you steer the conversation away from weddings when you’re together. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors