(Closed) MOB Dress Inappropriate? Am I overreacting?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: Am I over reacting to this dress?

    No, I would not be happy if my mom wore that to my wedding

    Yes, that dress is lovely and completely appropriate

    Eh, it is a little edgy but mostly elegant, don't make mountains out of molehills

  • Post # 92
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

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    @j_jaye:  I have seen Helen Mirren in a bikini.   I think she looks great.  The reason I said “Nasty” is because it is highly inapproitate for her own daughter’s wedding.   It looks like the mother is trying to show up her daughter.

    Post # 93
    Member
    4655 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I wish my mom had the self confidence to wear something like that! (She looked beautiful in what she wore but I’d love to see her feeling so bold haha.) I think if your mom wants to wear it and feels gorgeous and wonderful, I think you should let her go for it. Wouldn’t you rather have your mom there with her head held high in whatever she pleases rather than forcing her to look a certain way?

    If not, maybe just let her get the dress and ask her to wear a shawl or a bolero or something?

    Post # 95
    Member
    2789 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    It’s just not age appropriate.  Is she going to wear a jacket or shawl or something over the shoulders?

    Post # 96
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @MsLabRat:  You didn’t have an option for “I hate this dress, but your mom should wear whatever she wants.”

    It’s inappropriate to tell your guests what to wear. That includes your mother. You might think the dress is hideous (I do too) but people have different tastes. If the dress makes your mom feel beautiful, happy, and comfortable, why wouldn’t you want her to wear it?

    Trust me – your wedding will be a lot less stressful if you decide not to care about what other people are wearing.

    Post # 97
    Member
    451 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

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    @MsLabRat:  “Eating 500 calories a day and injecting yourself with pregnancy hormones can’t be easy.”

    Just read your update. Wow, your mom sounds like a real character. All the more reason to just let it go. People are who they are. If your mom is an over-the-top, conceited, attention whore, she’s going to find a way to be that way at your wedding regardless of what she is wearing. And honestly, it sounds like telling her not to wear what she wants to wear will create exactly the kind of drama she craves.

    Post # 98
    Member
    3371 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think that dress is pretty provocative/tacky, on a woman of any age. I wouldn’t even let my (imaginary) teen daughter wear it to prom. It looks like a beauty queen dress. My mother is almost 60, dresses very chic and stylish, and has a reasonable figure for her age. She tried on a bunch of very elegant strapless gowns for the wedding, and decided that she was not comfortable revealing that much skin. For those referencing Helen Mirren, of course women of a certain age are capable of looking sexy. But the difference is, Helen Mirren always dresses age-appropriately – you’ll notice that she never wears strapless or shows a lot of skin. She might do a hint of cleavage, but then she’ll balance it out with long sleeves, or a wrap, and long hemline. Certainly nothing sheer or with lingerie-style boning.

    Post # 99
    Member
    6518 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @MsLabRat:  i do love the dress, but I think that she could add something underneath to make it NOT sheer, and also, if she adds a bolero to it, it would make the dress acceptable.

    Post # 100
    Member
    2861 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’d straight up tell my mom over my dead body would she wear that. And for all those ” you can’t tell an adult what to wear” people first the hell I can’t. And second this is her MOM. Not a stranger or a long lost relative but the person who gave birth to her. Id hope they are close enough that she can tell her she’s going to look like an idiot because she will. 

    Post # 102
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

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    @ItWasntMe:  My Mom picked up a number of etiquette books, and most of them state that the MOB should avoid wearing anything too flashy that would distract from the bride (i.e. heavily sequined or beaded dresses).  They also say that the MOB should typically wear straps or sleeves as opposed to strapless.

    Knowing my Mom, these etiquette rules may be a little dated.  She’s very conservative and traditional when it comes to etiquette, so perhaps not everyone follows these rules.

    Post # 103
    Member
    1833 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    @TroubadourTango:  I’m a MOB – where did  you find these traditional MOB dress rules?  While I wouldn’t touch what OP has posted, I’m thinking you should be glad I am not your MOB.

    Post # 104
    Member
    1848 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I hate sheer bodices, so I wouldn’t be happy.

    Post # 105
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

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    @hermom:  Haha – it wasn’t me who found them!  My Mom picked up a number of etiquette books and has relayed what she has read.  I would love it if my Mom would wear something a little more revealing – she’s 5’0″ and 107 lbs and absolutely adorable.  However, according to the etiquette rules she’s found, she wants to stick with something with sleeves.  She’s also always been conservative and a fan of understated elegance, so I’m sure personal taste has something to do with it.

    Post # 106
    Member
    546 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

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    @MsLabRat:  I just wanted to offer my condolences. I think you’ve said your peace about drawing unwanted attention and it maybe not being occasion-appropriate and if she still doesn’t care let her wear what she wants. You can not like it, but it’s not worth a screaming match. I know because my mom was similar.

    I wanted her to feel beautiful and glamorous because she’s often insecure about how she never lost the weight she wanted to for my wedding. She’s 62 though and she’s just getting older. I thought we would pick a great dress that made her feel elegant, and I wasn’t worried because she doesn’t try to dress like a 20-year-old so I figured whatever she chose would be classy. WRONG. She got gabbing with some of her friends and then announced that, second to me, she was the most important person at the wedding and decided to choose a dress that made her stand out as much as possible. It was a bright red, sparkly, sheer-sleeved dress with cleavage. I’m wearing a beautiful but modest dress, and honestly felt like the focus of pictures would go straight to her dress and it made me a little sad. I tried to say the same sort of thing you said but she threw a fit saying I wasn’t listening to her and she hated everything I chose. Her other options were MERMAID shapes that she thought would “hide her tummy”. I figured she would feel less flattered in that shape so I let her have her red dress, only I changed the color to a hunter green. She didn’t like that but I thought it was a nice compromise. These were online by the way, so we couldn’t try them on. Honestly, my parents never go anywhere and she wanted to use my wedding as a way to invite all her long lost family (another problem all together) and dress up and show off herself. I tried to be sensitive. I had to practically beg her to let me gift her with professional hair and makeup with me and the bridesmaids even though I knew she would look and feel her best being pampered. (She was excited but then tried to back out.) It ended up being fine and I hope she felt beautiful. 

     

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