(Closed) MOB "Dress" is awful! I hate it! Am I over reacting???

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you’re overreacting. You should forget about it.

Post # 4
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm … maybe suggest that black isn’t a great choice for a wedding – especially as Mother of the Bride? That people will whisper that she must be opposed to the marriage? (Yes, I know that’s trite and archaic and people wear black to weddings all the time nowadays … but maybe you can hint that you would rather have her wear a different color?)

Post # 5
Member
5400 posts
Bee Keeper

I personally think its fine–especially if she isn’t comfortable in a dress. But if you truly think she will regret it on your wedding day, and not just because you hate it, then maybe you should tell her that. Tell her that Future Mother-In-Law has a dress that you think may make her feel like she picked the wrong outfit, and you don’t want her to have any regrets about such a special occasion. But only tell her that if you believe it, NOT because you don’t like it. 

ETA: most people don’t give a shit what anyone else wears to a wedding, so I wouldn’t worry about anyone else thinking anything negative about your mom. The important thing is that she feels good about what she wears. 

Post # 6
Member
46653 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Murphymcnasty:  My mom had a similar lack of style. The way I handled it was to buy an outfit for her then surprise her with it. She wore it rather than hurt my feelings by rejecting the gift.

I don’t know if that would work for you as she has already told you about the outfit she plans to wear.

Post # 7
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

“Am I over reacting?”

Yes.

I really don’t get this whole “dress your mom” thing. I hadn’t ever heard about it until Weddingbee. Your mother is an adult, and you already get to dress yourself and your bridesmaids. Beyond setting a general bar for dress code, it’s not your right to dress everyone at your wedding. This is your mother, not a toddler. Comparing her to your Future Mother-In-Law, who clearly feels comfortable in a completely different style of clothing, is unfair.

Post # 8
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would try to get her one as a gift.  Or tell her you are really bummed you didn’t get to go shopping for her dress, that you were looking forward to spending the time with her and would still really like to take her.  Maybe if you can get her in a store you can talk her into something else.  

I don’t think it will look bad in all black, but I can understand if it doesn’t fit the rest of the wedding you not being thrilled with it.  

Post # 10
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Murphymcnasty:  I get that you hate it and I also get that that’s not your main concern and you are worried about your mom’s feelings.

To me, if you’ve shown her a photo of your FMIL’s dress, the BM’s dresses, and your dress and she still wants to be underdressed for your wedding, that’s on her.  Unless she asked you your opinion when she emailed the link, I don’t think that you can say much as you don’t have the type of relationship where you can be honest.  I would rather be kind of hurt before then embarrassed during and after, but that’s me.  I’m also kind of obsessed with being appropriately dressed.  Not everyone is like that.  If your mom has a history of doing this and getting upset it afterwards, I’m not really sure if she’s going to change.  

Is she going to be getting her hair and/or make up done?  With the right accessories, the outfit might be much better.

If she complains afterwards about the choice, I would say that you let her know what others were wearing and she decided to wear x.  You thought she loved it and were uncomfortable saying anything.

Her clothes reflect her, not you.  Just keep repeating that.

Post # 11
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would buy her a nice scarf or something she can use to dress it up. Maybe in your wedding colours.

Post # 12
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Unless it’s a black tie event, it looks fine and wedding appropriate to me.  Why do you think your mom would regret wearing it?

Post # 13
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

You are over reacting,  It is fine, it is not like she is going to wear holy jeans and a tank top to your wedding.  Lighten up and let her wear the outfit.

Post # 14
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think it’s that bad! Maybe she just wants to be comfortable!

Post # 15
Member
6018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

“am I over reacting?” answer: yes

I will never understand how its ever ok to tell someone who is not in your bridal party what to wear to your wedding. I think its fine to have guidelines for key guests such as the MOB or a dress code for guests (as in black tie only). I could see you being upset if you had specifically told her no black or gave her guidelines of some kind. But you didn’t, all I seen was that you said it was ok for her to wear a pants suit,  so she can wear what she wants. Let her wear the outfit she bought and be done with it. 

Post # 16
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Rather than confronting the issue, head on, go round about.  If you know her sizes, body issues, etc.  Pick out a pantsuit that you’re okay with and buy it for her for Mother’s Day.  Tell her that you like what she picked out, but that after you she’s the star of the day and you wanted to give her an outfit befitting her status.

This way you’re getting what you want.  You’re not hurting her feelings.  But at the same time you’re not forcing her into a dress she won’t be comfortable in. 

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