Post # 1
Ok let me start my saying that I love my mom. Even though she is as kooky and crazy as ever. She has a very unhealthy addiction to QVC and HOME SHOPPING. she is also very fragile and never takes critisism well. Infact you really cant be honest with her about most things because she cries and gets upset very easily.
With that being said… She has bought an outfit that she wants to wear to my wedding as her MOB “dress”. Its not even a dress. She is more comfortable in pants so I told her that if she wanted to wear a nice pants suit we could find her one that she like and would fit the occasion.
She took it upon herself to buy a horrible outfit from HSN! I hate it so bad. I have not been a brat about anything in my wedding so far. I have really gone with the flow and been laid back. But when I think about this horrible outfit it makes me angry!
I know that I cant tell her that I dont like it and its not dressy enough becuase her feelings will be hurt and she will withdraw from the whole wedding. Thats the last thing I need is to have my mom check out 2 months before (she is also paying for a good bit of it)
I dont know what to do. I have tried dropping hints and showing her pictures of the gown Future Mother-In-Law is wearing. I have tried to get her to go shopping with me. Its all been aloss.
I know she is going to be there and feel out of place on the day off. I know that she is going to beat herself up about it because Future Mother-In-Law dress is so much nicer. I dont want her to be embarrrised on the day of, but I don know how to tell her with out crushing her feelings and making her flip out.
Here is the outfit she bought. She bought the pants suit and the jacket in black.
What do you think? Am I over reacting? What should I do?
Post # 3
I think you’re overreacting. You should forget about it.
Post # 4
Hmm … maybe suggest that black isn’t a great choice for a wedding – especially as Mother of the Bride? That people will whisper that she must be opposed to the marriage? (Yes, I know that’s trite and archaic and people wear black to weddings all the time nowadays … but maybe you can hint that you would rather have her wear a different color?)
Post # 5
I personally think its fine–especially if she isn’t comfortable in a dress. But if you truly think she will regret it on your wedding day, and not just because you hate it, then maybe you should tell her that. Tell her that Future Mother-In-Law has a dress that you think may make her feel like she picked the wrong outfit, and you don’t want her to have any regrets about such a special occasion. But only tell her that if you believe it, NOT because you don’t like it.
ETA: most people don’t give a shit what anyone else wears to a wedding, so I wouldn’t worry about anyone else thinking anything negative about your mom. The important thing is that she feels good about what she wears.
Post # 6
@Murphymcnasty: My mom had a similar lack of style. The way I handled it was to buy an outfit for her then surprise her with it. She wore it rather than hurt my feelings by rejecting the gift.
I don’t know if that would work for you as she has already told you about the outfit she plans to wear.
Post # 7
“Am I over reacting?”
I really don’t get this whole “dress your mom” thing. I hadn’t ever heard about it until Weddingbee. Your mother is an adult, and you already get to dress yourself and your bridesmaids. Beyond setting a general bar for dress code, it’s not your right to dress everyone at your wedding. This is your mother, not a toddler. Comparing her to your Future Mother-In-Law, who clearly feels comfortable in a completely different style of clothing, is unfair.
Post # 8
I would try to get her one as a gift. Or tell her you are really bummed you didn’t get to go shopping for her dress, that you were looking forward to spending the time with her and would still really like to take her. Maybe if you can get her in a store you can talk her into something else.
I don’t think it will look bad in all black, but I can understand if it doesn’t fit the rest of the wedding you not being thrilled with it.
Post # 9
@KCKnd2: My colors are actually black and white and red. FMIL’s dress and FSIL’s dress is black, as are the BM’s.
@BlondeMissMolly: Thast what I am thinking, I mean I have been out with my mom in public when she has on way worse then that 🙂 I dont care really that I hate it, I can deal with that, I am just afraid she’s gonna end up getting upset and pouting all night or bringing it up for years to come ( like she does) about who she looked like a mess at my wedding when Future Mother-In-Law looked so nice and put together. I can already her her saying it now. 🙁
@julies1949: That is a great idea. I bet though since she has already shown me her outfit, she would get mad if I went and got her another one. even if it was as a thank you present or something.
Post # 10
@Murphymcnasty: I get that you hate it and I also get that that’s not your main concern and you are worried about your mom’s feelings.
To me, if you’ve shown her a photo of your FMIL’s dress, the BM’s dresses, and your dress and she still wants to be underdressed for your wedding, that’s on her. Unless she asked you your opinion when she emailed the link, I don’t think that you can say much as you don’t have the type of relationship where you can be honest. I would rather be kind of hurt before then embarrassed during and after, but that’s me. I’m also kind of obsessed with being appropriately dressed. Not everyone is like that. If your mom has a history of doing this and getting upset it afterwards, I’m not really sure if she’s going to change.
Is she going to be getting her hair and/or make up done? With the right accessories, the outfit might be much better.
If she complains afterwards about the choice, I would say that you let her know what others were wearing and she decided to wear x. You thought she loved it and were uncomfortable saying anything.
Her clothes reflect her, not you. Just keep repeating that.
Post # 11
I would buy her a nice scarf or something she can use to dress it up. Maybe in your wedding colours.
Post # 12
Unless it’s a black tie event, it looks fine and wedding appropriate to me. Why do you think your mom would regret wearing it?
Post # 13
You are over reacting, It is fine, it is not like she is going to wear holy jeans and a tank top to your wedding. Lighten up and let her wear the outfit.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s that bad! Maybe she just wants to be comfortable!
Post # 15
“am I over reacting?” answer: yes
I will never understand how its ever ok to tell someone who is not in your bridal party what to wear to your wedding. I think its fine to have guidelines for key guests such as the MOB or a dress code for guests (as in black tie only). I could see you being upset if you had specifically told her no black or gave her guidelines of some kind. But you didn’t, all I seen was that you said it was ok for her to wear a pants suit, so she can wear what she wants. Let her wear the outfit she bought and be done with it.
Post # 16
Rather than confronting the issue, head on, go round about. If you know her sizes, body issues, etc. Pick out a pantsuit that you’re okay with and buy it for her for Mother’s Day. Tell her that you like what she picked out, but that after you she’s the star of the day and you wanted to give her an outfit befitting her status.
This way you’re getting what you want. You’re not hurting her feelings. But at the same time you’re not forcing her into a dress she won’t be comfortable in.