Post # 1
I’m an older bride (mid-thirties), having a smaller wedding (60 or so guests) and we are not having a bridal party. My mother along with my aunt and a couple of cousins are throwing me a shower together. They are currently doing the invitations and they are leaving my mother off of the ‘given by XXX’ part because they feel that as the MOB she should not be listed on the invitation.
I don’t think this is right, as she is paying for half the shower (the others are dividing up the other half between them) and coordinating the whole thing. I searched for some sort of etiquette about the MOB and showers and could not find anything. Does anyone know if there are rules that apply to the MOB regarding the shower and/or invites? Should my mother be included? Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
Personally, I think all of that etiquette stuff about who throws what party is kind of silly. If your mom is helping out – she should be included! I can’t imagine anyone actually looking at the invitation and being offended that your mom is throwing you a shower. That may just be me…but I don’t really pay attention to most of that stuff.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
The “rule” is that relatives of the bride shouldn’t throw her shower, because the purpose of the shower is to give the bride gifts and if a family member did that it would look like the family was out to collect presents.
I say, whatever. Who cares? Your mom is doing the work and spending the money and she should be acknowledged.
Post # 5
Tradtional etiqueete states that family of the bride should not host a shower. The theory is that it makes the bride’s family look like they are soliciting for presents for their relative, the bride. Having said that, I don’t know anyone who follows this etiquette rule. My mom and sister hosted my shower, and my mom and I hosted my sister’s shower. I think every shower I’ve been to was hosted by the family of the bride or groom. It’s really up to you. I agree that it doesn’t seem kinda weird to have your mom pay for so much of the shower but not be put as a host on the invite.
Post # 6
Thanks so much ladies! I’m going to tell her that she should be on the invitation. She is doing so much work on the shower, I want everyone to give her the credit she deserves.
Post # 7
My mom and sister hosted my shower. I kind of figure it’s a gift giving event regardless of who gives the party, so as long as it isn’t me, what does it matter?
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
How does your mom feel? My Mother in Law helped throw my shower as well, even though it wasn’t at her house, and she was left off of the invite, but that’s because it’s standard protocol in her family (they all take turns helping out with and throwing the various showers in their big families, and the “names on the invites” are simply a formality… we all know in reality, every sister in her family helps to throw all the showers, and they don’t really care whos names are on the invites, so for etiquette’s sake the Mother or Future Mother-In-Law is typically left off). My mom would not personally care whether or not she was included on the invite as a host, even if she helped out. If your mom is OK with it, then I think it should be fine! If she is a little dissapointed, I would for sure buck etiquette and insist she be added to the invite.
Post # 9
Yes, I read about that same etiquette on some wedding website, but I didn’t take it seriously at all. My mom and my aunt put in alot of time in planning my shower and they paid for everything. They deserve proper credit and I’m glad they were listed as hostesses on the invite.
Post # 10
My Mom is upset about it because she’s put so much work into it. I think she should get credit for it too. It’s going to be a lovely shower and I want people to know she is one of wonderful ladies who is behind it.
Post # 11
my mother felt the same way! she thought that it wasn’t proper etiquette for her to be the “hostess” of the shower…but even if it wasn’t on the invitation, she was clearly still hosting it. still, she insisted on saying on the invite that it was “hosted by maid of honor a and matron of honor e”. they didn’t really help plan it or pay for it at all (a didn’t even come!), but it was important to her to follow the etiquette. in the end, everyone knew she had done all the work anyway, though… (and she actually got upset because people obviously rsvped to e and a, so she didn’t always have an up-to-date guest list, so it caused a little stress for her!).
Post # 12
the knot says that the rule of family not hosting showers is crap now. they don’t word it like that. but my sister/moh tried to pull that on me, just joking around because she saw it in an etiquette book that family isn’t allowed to host the shower, and i came right back at her with my knot book.
Post # 13
I think it’s fine — I think that rule is archaic. Enjoy your shower!