(Closed) MOB hosting shower

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Personally, I think all of that etiquette stuff about who throws what party is kind of silly. If your mom is helping out – she should be included! I can’t imagine anyone actually looking at the invitation and being offended that your mom is throwing you a shower. That may just be me…but I don’t really pay attention to most of that stuff.

Post # 4
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

The “rule” is that relatives of the bride shouldn’t throw her shower, because the purpose of the shower is to give the bride gifts and if a family member did that it would look like the family was out to collect presents.

I say, whatever. Who cares? Your mom is doing the work and spending the money and she should be acknowledged.

Post # 5
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Tradtional etiqueete states that family of the bride should not host a shower.  The theory is that it makes the bride’s family look like they are soliciting for presents for their relative, the bride.  Having said that, I don’t know anyone who follows this etiquette rule.  My mom and sister hosted my shower, and my mom and I hosted my sister’s shower.  I think every shower I’ve been to was hosted by the family of the bride or groom.  It’s really up to you.  I agree that it doesn’t seem kinda weird to have your mom pay for so much of the shower but not be put as a host on the invite. 

Post # 7
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

My mom and sister hosted my shower.  I kind of figure it’s a gift giving event regardless of who gives the party, so as long as it isn’t me, what does it matter?

Post # 8
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

How does your mom feel? My Mother in Law helped throw my shower as well, even though it wasn’t at her house, and she was left off of the invite, but that’s because it’s standard protocol in her family (they all take turns helping out with and throwing the various showers in their big families, and the “names on the invites” are simply a formality… we all know in reality, every sister in her family helps to throw all the showers, and they don’t really care whos names are on the invites, so for etiquette’s sake the Mother or Future Mother-In-Law is typically left off). My mom would not personally care whether or not she was included on the invite as a host, even if she helped out. If your mom is OK with it, then I think it should be fine! If she is a little dissapointed, I would for sure buck etiquette and insist she be added to the invite.

Post # 9
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Yes, I read about that same etiquette on some wedding website, but I didn’t take it seriously at all.  My mom and my aunt put in alot of time in planning my shower and they paid for everything.  They deserve proper credit and I’m glad they were listed as hostesses on the invite.

Post # 11
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2008

my mother felt the same way! she thought that it wasn’t proper etiquette for her to be the “hostess” of the shower…but even if it wasn’t on the invitation, she was clearly still hosting it.  still, she insisted on saying on the invite that it was “hosted by maid of honor a and matron of honor e”.  they didn’t really help plan it or pay for it at all (a didn’t even come!), but it was important to her to follow the etiquette.  in the end, everyone knew she had done all the work anyway, though… (and she actually got upset because people obviously rsvped to e and a, so she didn’t always have an up-to-date guest list, so it caused a little stress for her!).

Post # 12
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

the knot says that the rule of family not hosting showers is crap now. they don’t word it like that. but my sister/moh tried to pull that on me, just joking around because she saw it in an etiquette book that family isn’t allowed to host the shower, and i came right back at her with my knot book.

Post # 13
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s fine — I think that rule is archaic.  Enjoy your shower!

The topic ‘MOB hosting shower’ is closed to new replies.

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