(Closed) MOB is making me feel silly for being ‘detailed’

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Miss Isthmus, you are not absurd!  There are some people in the wedding camp that would say all those details don’t matter, weddings are really just about two people celebrating their union, etc.

BUT, my view is that you can be attentive to details in such a way that the details don’t overwhelm the entire point of the celebration.

Further, I think one of the special things about weddings is that they tend to be a translation and a fusion of the bride’s and groom’s  personalities.  That is, when you walk into the Isthmuses wedding reception at say, The Depot, it will feel like you and your FH as a couple, and it will be totally different than the wedding reception held at the exact same venue the weekend before because that was a representation of that particular couple.  Where am I going with this?  If you tend to be a detail-oriented person, then it’s totally normal for you to "fuss" about details in wedding planning.  And that’s a good thing, because it means you’ll have all those nice special touches on your wedding day that will make the wedding and reception very representative of you and your FH. 

If you don’t do the fans, and if you don’t have the dance, and if you just go along with the flow, the end result won’t be as much "you."  I say, order those fans (it’ll be hot in August!) and keep fussing.  And have fun!

Good luck!

Post # 4
36 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

I completely feel your pain!  My mom also had a very small wedding, and did it in her friends backyard, her friends mom made her dress, and I also feel like when I mention things like having gelatto stands at the reception she looks at me like I have 2 heads…. I do think that the fact that her dad passed away when she was only 11 had a lot to do with her probably not having the wedding she really wanted.  So sometimes, I feel like it’s a little bit like there’s a hint of sadness and maybe jealousy behind the disapproving comments.  I try to involve her as much as possible, but sometimes she doesn’t seem that into it.  She  loves my fiance, and is happy that we are getting married, plus Nate and I are paying for half of the wedding, so it’s not like she just doesnt want to pay for things….  I feel badly that it brings up sad memories for her:(

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Keep up with those details.  And don’t be ashamed.  You have great ideas.  Your guests will be thankful for those fans.  Ask mom how she’ll feel when the guests are all grumpy and melting from the heat.  Then they’re all sweaty for the rest of the day.

The only thing that you have to work out is the fact that she’s footing the bill.  Could she put her money towards the things she feels are important (big tickets like food and bar)?  Then you and you Fiance can take care of the details yourself.  If you need more help, is his family likely to support you in those areas?  If you are relying solely on your mother’s money to pay for the wedding you might have some trouble convincing her to fork it over for things she doesn’t approve of.


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