Post # 1
Member
33 posts
Newbee
My step-mom has been really the only mother figure in my life and I really do love her, but we aren’t THAT close, yanno?
So I find out her son’s wife (brother-in-law’s wife) is expecting their first child October 16th which I am happy for them and they already told me that they cannot travel two hours to my wedding which is October 5th. Completely understandble. However, I got this feeling of “what if’s”.
What if my brother-in-law’s wife went into labor early around the time of my wedding and my step-mom decided to stay and meet her first grandchild? I think I’d be upset. Actually, scratch that… I would be upset! Like I mentioned before, she has been the only mother figure in my life and it’s a possibility she’d miss my wedding to be at the birth of her first grandchild. I feel like she can see her grandchild ANYTIME, but a wedding, her step-daughter’s wedding only happens once.
I even asked her about what would happen if that was the case. She basically said she can’t predict the future and it’s in God’s hands. Is it wrong of me to feel selfish, that I want my step-mom to be at my wedding? 🙁
Post # 3
Member
93 posts
Worker bee
Oh geez 🙁 I would be upset if I were you. It’s understandable that things happen, and guests miss the wedding- But there are just a couple of people that we depend on being there 100% and this being your mother figure on your wedding day should be one of those people you can count on. That being said- her grand child MIGHT be born that day. Is the preg woman close with her mom, or does she consider your step mom closer? I ask because maybe you could write your step mom a nice letter, letting her know how much it would mean to you that she be there at your wedding. How you consider her your mother figure, and basically all of the nice things you have said here about her. I am sure it will melt her heart to heart to hear that you consider her such an important person.
Just because someone goes into labor doesn’t mean that the baby is coming any time soon. Your wedding day is your day. If she knows that you are counting on her, she should be there on your day.
Post # 4
Member
14661 posts
Honey Beekeeper
No, I’d be upset too. She can meet the kid a day later, the infant will still be the same and wont even know the difference. I dont think its that big a deal. I would not miss a wedding of close family or friend for the birth of any child, other than my own. 🙂
Post # 5
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
I think you are right to be upset, it’s like she is already saying that this event is more important than you. However, maybe she has been imagining that moment of seeing her first grandchild in the hospital, and that’s a moment that only comes once.
I’m sorry you’re in this predicament and I hope the timeline works out for everyone!
Post # 6
Member
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@pinkshoes:
@jillzy: Sorry but I think it is a little mean to say she can see the kid any other day. This is her first grandchild. I know she has been your only mother figure but guess what she is also her son’s mother figure so why should he have to miss out on having his mother there to share this great day.
I understand being disappointed that she may not be at your wedding but to me a baby trumps a wedding. So much can go wrong during a birth and how do you think your step-mum might feel if she missed the birth and soemthing happened to the child? Life isn’t fair and sometimes we just have to make the best of things. Focus on being happy that both you and your step brother are having such great things happens.
Post # 7
Member
2601 posts
Sugar bee
Unfortunately, it’s not your call to make–it’s hers.
I think being disappointed is completely understandable, but the expectation that your preferences also be hers is not. YOU find your wedding more important than her grandson; she might make the decision that being present for the birth is more important to her. And there are a lot of reasons why she would do that.
For the record, I don’t think you’re being selfish–you would like your stepmother to be there and will be upset if she isn’t. But I don’t think that you should worry about it too much at this point. If it happens, it happens; however, the chances that she won’t be able to meet her grandchild AND go to your wedding are unlikely.
Post # 8
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
@j_jaye: i agree with you.
@jillzy: you have every right to be disappointed if she can’t be there. a wedding a a big deal, but so is having a baby. and think of the position you stepmom is in. it must be hard for her to choose between 2 big events in her kids’ lives. it can’t imagine that it’s a choice she’s happy about having to make. is there any way to reach a compromise? like she can go to the ceremony and miss the reception?
Post # 9
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
@j_jaye: I agree with this 100%.
Post # 10
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
It’s not fair to say she can see her grandchild another time. Have you never seen a new mother before? What do you think a new grandmother will be like? Unfortunately its not up to you to decide and if the baby happens to be born the same day as your wedding, maybe she can see the baby and then later go to your wedding. If you’re going to think of “What-If’s” maybe think about some solutions as well.
Post # 11
Member
33 posts
Newbee
Thank you everyone for the replies. I understand a new baby and first grandchild are important also, I guess I feel like another mom will be missing a big event of my life, so yeah, I’m emo. 😛
I guess we shall see what happens.
Post # 12
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
so this is your brother in law or your step brother? It’s your step mom’s blood son, right? And it’s his baby being born?
Not to diminish your relationship with her but you admit you’re not that close… and the birth of a grandchild isn’t something you can just “do later”…. I’d have skipped ANY event to be there for the birth of my niece and nephew.. and I was! I’d hope my mom would do the same if I’m blessed to have her grandchildren.
