(Closed) MOB ruins Christmas! HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@DisneyBrideCKB: I wish I had better advice for you hun *HUG*

Your mother is acting like a brat because she is not in control. It is fortunate you are in financial control of your wedding.

Apologize to your future inlaws and tell them why she is upset: she isnt’ in control of your wedding.

As for future planning, she is showing her true colors and to keep stress off you keep herout of planning. Maybe give her a color and let her pick her MOB dress.

I hope she behaves on your wedding day :-/

Post # 4
19 posts
  • Wedding: January 2012

Geez you mum is being a hard case. Tell her to buck it up. Explain to her that you need her to be an adult, not a child. Get it all off your chest – it will clear your head so much

Post # 5
1 posts
  • Wedding: December 2013

@DisneyBrideCKB:  You mom is definitely upset about not calling the shots so she’s being diffiicult and childish FOR ATTENTION.  The most important thing you must do is STOP GIVING HER ATTENTION for her bad behavior. 

I would strongly suggest sitting her down (or writing her a letter if she won’t listen) and explaining that her rude and inconsiderate behavior will NOT be tolerated.  That if she continues, she will be included less and less in pre-wedding activities and have less and less mother-daughter contact with you. 

You must remove attention from her when she behaves badly.  For example, she starts badmouthing Fiance or his family, walk away and refuse to talk to her or respond to her until she says something that is okay, even it it’s “So, what did you have for dinner?”  Don’t argue with her, tell her she’s rude, etc.  — that’s giving her attention. 

If you keep this up, she will most likely stop being so negative , since the only thing it gets her is you and others walking away and not talking to her.  Be prepared for her to get MORE obnoxious, rude and loud at first as she continues to try to get a reaction.  If you stick with it, eventually she will change to behavior that does get her some attention, i.e. being civil or even nice.

Also, you MUST give her positive attention (talking, smiling, etc) for ANY positive interaction or comments with you or about Fiance and his family.  Even if it’s as simple as “So, did you decide on the centerpieces?”  If it’s not said in sarcasm, then engage her involvelment.  If sarcastic, ignore and do something else.


Post # 6
6 posts

I’m so sorry for you….my mother behaved a lot like this sometimes, and often made my life miserable. After my mother died, we discovered that she was bi polar and often depressed, which made her do strange and mean things. Is is possible that your mother has some kind of illness, too? Sitting down and talking to a healthy, normal person might get a good result, but with somebody like my mother (and yours, too, maybe?) a normal, rational conversation rarely got a normal, rational result. All I think you can do is ignore your mother’s bad behavior and don’t reward it with attention. Honor her as you see fit, and treat her better than she treats you – for your sake, if not for hers. But don’t expect to change her, because I don’t think it’s going to happen.


Post # 8
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

You know…Moms are often put in the difficult position of either being the bad guy or the well-liked one, but ‘should’ always be your cheerleader. We reach a point in our lives where things seem to change overnight, and some of us have some difficulty dealing with it. For many years, our roles have been defined, and suddenly the game changes. You don’t need, ask for, or want our opinions on most things, but an upcoming huge event like a wedding, is often our chance to be needed again and for us to help our kids shine.

Most of us don’t want to take over or to be in the spotlight, but we do want to help plan a stress free affair for our kids. If everything we suggest or mention as maybe being a good idea or something worth pursuing or at least looking in to gets shot down, where do we fit in then? Of course there are better ways of handling things than to pout or throw a fit, but sometimes frustration at not being heard wins, doesn’t it? For everybody?

Your Mom is probably facing or is already deeply in menopause, so while her actions may seem erratic to you, some women go a bit berserk when the hormones wreak havoc on their minds and bodies. Some women sail through it with few problems, but for others it can be a nightmare and cause terrible mood swings. Your Dad may be able to help in this area and at least let you know if its just the weddng thing and you or if this is something he’s living with in silence. It can be a really difficult time, and unfortunately, you may be bearing the brunt of it.

Take some time to think about things and if this behavior of your Mom’s is a recent development.

I hope you can work things out with her and be in a better place. 🙂

Post # 9
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would have an honest conversation with your mom telling her you want to include, but her behavior is making it very difficult. Let her know how important her support is, but that you won’t let her create any more drama because you honestly have way too much going on to tolerate it.

Post # 11
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

A thyroid problem can certainly wreak havoc on your whole body, as its the body’s regulatory system. It can cause serious emotional issues as well as some miserable physical problems.

 My daughter, right now, is in the midst of having these thyroid problems addressed, and has been diagnosed as depressed, having an anxiety disorder and panic attacks, tension headaches (migraine related) and her thyroid readings are completely erratic. She’s seen a neurologist, allergist, psychiatrist, therapist, gastroenterologist, physical therapist and 2 ENT’s….and no one can seem to figure out what’s going on at exactly the same time. She was out of work for over 2 months due to her inability to drive or even leave her house. At this point, her thyroid is unregulated,tho they keep adjusting her meds, and she’s still in therapy.

In our day, our Moms DID plan our weddings, but that’s just the way it was and nobody questioned it or argued the fact. Since that’s the way it used to be, is it so unfathomable that we thought it would be the same for our daughters? Now we get completely shut out and are just told to deal with it.

 There certainly aren’t any ‘do-overs’, but I’m guessing most of us have had way more experience in planning large events so at least we can help. It doesn’t sound like your Mom is willing to play such a small part if she can’t have it all, so you have to do the best you can without her imput. It’s a shame it has come to this.

I hope you can figure out some way to help her see how much she’s missing out. She’ll regret it some day. 🙁

Post # 13
7 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with the previous advice and wanted to add one thing…

One thing I do recommend is talking with your fiance about her behavior.  My Future Mother-In-Law is very… involved… in his life, and I’m not always comfortable with that.  The fact that he didn’t really say her behavior is unacceptable shows me that he condoned it to some degree.  Luckily, we talk about it a LOT and he has revealed that he doesn’t condone it.  This is comforting to me, lol. If he was like, “What’s wrong with mom coming over whenever she wants to do laundry?” (as an example), my jaw would hit the floor.  I don’t want that kind of life at all!

My mom acts up a LOT and I’m upfront about it with my fella.  Although we’re in this wedding-planning and marriage-building journey together, she’s technically MY mother, and I can confront her a little easier than he can.  It’s one way we sort of talk about our future together and our marriage and what we want/don’t want.  You’re in this together!

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