Post # 1
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
My mom and my Fiance have been seriously butting heads about wedding stuff. Granted, some of his opinions on certain things have shown a great deal of stubbornness and ignorance of what tends to happen at weddings and what you need to do when hosting large social gatherings, but I feel like even if he does say uninformed things or get really, really stubborn about things that make no sense to me, he’s still entitled to voice his opinion. But my mom is acting like FI’s job is to shut up and show up on time wearing whatever I tell him to, and every time he voices an opinion, even when he presents a really great idea, she instantly hates it and gets all defensive and argumentative. I can’t even talk about wedding stuff with them together in the same room.
To make things worse, mom has been steadily convincing me that she doesn’t even like Fiance anymore. They got along great before we got engaged, and we’d been together for almost four years before the engagement happened in May. Now it’s like nothing he can do is right in any aspect of his life. I realize that they’ve been arguing a lot, but it really bothers me that things that were ok before (him finishing up school, him having a chronic disease, etc) are suddenly no longer ok.
Did any of you have any similar problems? Did you mother suddenly turn on your Fiance once the wedding planning started?
Post # 3
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
That really stinks – I’m not in the same boat, but have you taken your mom aside and told her that it hurts you when she disregards your Fiance and his ideas? And that you are okay with his life plan and support his decision to finish school because it will help you as a family in the future?
And if she still doesn’t understand, tell her that you won’t allow her to put down your Fiance and if she doesn’t have anything nice to say, then she should shut up.
Post # 4
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
It sounds like your mom is realizing that she’s losing you as her “little girl.” I suggest taking her out for a mom/daughter afternoon and talking to her about all this. Let her know you aren’t going to love her any less once you’re married!
Post # 5
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
Thanks for the advice, guys!
I think that you’re both right. We need to have an afternoon of mother–daughter time to emphasize both aspects of the problem: I’m not going to no longer be her daughter once I’m married and that she needs to back off my Fiance because our choices are right for us and it’s so painful when she says these things.
Thanks! It really helped just to vent that out into the world and get some help!
Post # 6
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
I am in that same boat and we live next door to my mom. Ha, mistake number one! Not recommended.
Mine started while wedding planning, its like his opinion didnt matter and i had to remind her on several occasions that I was marrying him, not her. Now that we are married she seems to like him less and less and nothing he does is right in her eyes. She thinks i am changing more and more and i think its hard for her to realize that he is my husband and I will defend him first. She went so far as to say that if she wanted to, she could object during the wedding cause i was hers first. WOW!!!
I think she has a hard time dealing with that fact that im not her little girl anymore, however, i will always be, but she wants to be my priority.
You just have to tell her you love her but pt your foot down and make her understand that he is your husband (or will be very soon) and that things change in life. It will take time.