(Closed) MOB/FOG RANT! UGH! (warning, long!)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46331 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anon117:  I am quite sure that you already know that you are going to get responses telling you that your parents are under no obligation at all to fund your wedding, so I won’t go there.

What I am surprised at is, with your mother’s history of alcohol and mental health problems, that you relied on her to come across with the money she promised.

If you get the $500 vacuum cleaner, I suggest you return it and use the money to pay the photographer.

 

Post # 4
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@julies1949:  +100000000

 

Yeah…I’m staying out of this.

 

Post # 5
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

People like to jump on the “well they aren’t obligated!!!!” but I’m going to tell you that I totally understand where you’re coming from. Both Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law have offered to help us out, but won’t talk about money at all. AND they paid (between them) enough money towards FI’s brother’s wedding to cover ALL of ours, including rings, my dress/accessories, etc. and that was only half of what that wedding cost. : I’m sitting here trying to be very frugal in my choices and it’s very frustrating. 

Post # 6
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon117:  its ok, i feel your pain. people get really upset when people rant about these types of things on here, but its a safe space and i won’t judge you. i’ve had similar issues, though i’m not sure my holdout still won’t pay me before the wedding. maybe she’ll still pay you back once tax season is over. just keep trying to be understanding and try to find space for some wiggle room in case she doesnt come through. 

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have to say I’m not super surprised that your verbally abusive, mentally unstable, alcoholic mother hasn’t actually given you the cash she promised. It sounds like pretty standard behaviour.

You might want to look into attending some Al-Anon meetings. They can help you learn new strategies for dealing with her so you don’t get dragged into her drama.

I do think it’s OTT to be resentful toward your Future Father-In-Law for not contributing to your wedding. My parents are also quite well-off, but they’re not paying anything toward our wedding. It’s their money and their choice.

Post # 8
Member
8461 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@anon117:  At least you have a very generous MOG ๐Ÿ™‚  Her gift to you was more than my entire wedding budget (FI and I are paying), so I don’t really have the most sympathy for you in that regards.  However, it seems like your mom is being incredibly irresponsible.  Sorry to hear your mom’s addictions and mental illness are taking such a toll on you, but it sounds like she needs help.  Does she have some sort of support group or therapist for the depression/alcohol?  Hopefully things will work out for you.  *HUGS*

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@anon117:  you don’t get to decide what others do or don’t do with their money. Your mom promised a set amount, don’t get upset until she actually backs out. And if she can’t do it, you don’t get to throw a tantrum over it, you get to be a gracious and understanding daughter.

Post # 10
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That sucks about your mom.  It sounds like she is the source of a lot of heartache for you. Planning a wedding is so stressful, the last thing you need is stress from a close family member to deal with too.

And that sucks about FI’s dad.  He probably thinks he doesn’t have to do anything because he had sons.  Going through a wedding process myself, you can definitely see how generous some people are and how scrooge like others are.  It’s nuts.

Post # 11
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ok, I think that first and foremost you need to consider your mom a lost cause and not put too much faith in anything she says or does, at least until she gets clean and stays clean, if she ever does.  At the same time, don’t let her emotionally drain you.  Keep appropriate boundaries and if you must cut her off.

About the money, why is it that so many people think that they are entitled to have parents fund their wedding?  You have your money, they have theirs, and they are not obligated to give you theirs for a party.  What the father of the groom makes is none of your business and he is not in the wrong for not offering to pay.  If you have to “shoulder another $1000” then that’s your problem, because it is your wedding.  Don’t plan things that are out of your budget.

If parents offer to help, great, it’s a generous gift.  But it is just that, a gift.  Not an obligation or anything that you are entitled to. 

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