(Closed) Moderndaisy’s solution for snarkiness

posted 7 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve no idea if this would help anybody else, but what I do when I see something on the internet that really gets me raging, is I type out a huge response.  I swear, I call the OP/author every name in the book, insult their mother etc – hold NOTHING back. 

By the time I’m finished ranting, my anger is usually spent.  Then I delete it, and if I still feel like responding I can usually hold back, and end up more clearly and reasonably stating my opinion.

Only once did this backfire, when I accidentally hit “post” mid-rant.  Now I do it in a word processing program, then copy-paste if I really still feel like posting it.

Post # 4
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

That is great advice!!  Thanks for posting it, hopefully it will come in handy for those who feel a little snarky coming on:)

Post # 5
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@JenniBride:I’ve done this before too…in a word document though so that I can’t accidentally do that because that is sooo what would end up happening to me.

 

@moderndaisy:Thanks for posting this! I think everyone needs a reminder and everything that you said makes a lot of sense 🙂

Post # 6
Member
46332 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with all your points. The one concern I have here is that there is so much pressure to “be nice”, that I don’t think that members are getting honest feedback.

New members especially will often not recognize that a lack of response to a posted centerpiece idea ,for example, really means that people don’t like it. I don’t feel that I could safely say “I don’t like it”. Our thoughts always have to be couched in phrases like “Have you thought about…?”

I would rather have honest, straight forward feedback.

Perhaps the site admins need to look at the original intent of this site and reconsider the necessity of some of the various boards. Are they serving the purpose of the site?

I also think the admin and the mods contribute to the drama by particpating in the posts. I think the bees would be much better served by keeping communications private. I also think that works both ways. Bees who start long, flaming threads of outrage have an obligation to communicate with the admins first. If they haven’t followed a respectful process by raisng their concerns directly with the powers that be, I would be quite comfortable having their posts deleted.

Post # 7
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@JenniBride: I do this allll the time. Not necessarily here, but when I get an e-mail that really irks me word is up instantly and by the time I’m done I feel a million times better.

Post # 8
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

how about the flip side; stop asking for opinions and not receiving them as such. Stop asking questions (‘tell me if you think this is tacky?’) that are open ended. Start using the search engine. 

I think posters have to be more responsible too 

 

Post # 9
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i agree 1000000000000000%

my two cents: i think there’s also something to be said about how to word comments; when i disagree with something i often couch what i say with a lot of “in my experience,” “in my opinion,” or “if it were me…” kind of phrases so it’s clear i’m not making blanket statements or generalizations. it sounds like a really little thing, but sometimes i think it’s just people’s tone that ruffles feathers. it’s about disagreeing respectfully.

Post # 10
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’d say I delete about 25% of what I write in the comment box. Not necessarily because I’m being rude/snarky but because I always ask myself “is this worth it?”. Do I care enough about disagreeing with the poster to become part of the discussion. A lot of times the answer is no and I move on. Also, I don’t see the way people respond on this site so much as sugarcoating things as much as providing constructive criticism. I don’t tell my friends “its ugly” and walk away in real life. I say “thats not really working, what about this” so I don’t act any differently on this site.

Post # 11
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@LGenz: I’m right there with you, and agree 100 percent. Wasn’t sure I was even going to comment on this particular thread.

Post # 12
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@LGenz: i totally agree about constructive criticism. if i don’t like something, i tend not to post anything, not because i’m worried about being flagged but because it’s so much a matter of personal style and taste. like, totally honestly: i really don’t like sparkly bling on dresses 98% of the time. but that’s just me, i realize many people DO in fact like that. i’m not going to waste my time posting on every single blingy dress that i don’t like it. 

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