MOG Guest list nightmare

posted 7 years ago in Reception
  • poll: What would you do?
    Not give a guest list and explain to your family why they aren't invited. : (20 votes)
    22 %
    Expect an apology : (29 votes)
    31 %
    Give an apology : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Walk away : (41 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would take that “pay for your list or you’re out” blackmail attempt and turn it around.  Tell him you are out. I bet he doesn’t expect you to actually back out. Let him figure out how to pay for his half of the guest list and half the wedding, and maybe your previous generous offer won’t sound so bad to him anymore.

    Post # 33
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Let him figure out how to pay for his half of the guest list and half the wedding,

    I’ve seen this advice given a few times, and I wholeheartedly agree with it.  But if OP doesn’t pay for their family, will he just cut them from the list?

    Post # 34
    Member
    7372 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    OP i’m sorry that your son and future DIL are acting so poorly. I don’t really have any advice. And to @sportsgal31:  point they sound so selfish that no matter what you it will be met with their piss poor attitudes. I wouldn’t go out of my way to help them, but I suppose its easy to say when you’re not emotionally invested as much as you are. I hope that they come to their senses. The sense of entitlement that these two so called “adults’ have is shocking. Can’t afford to get married, go to city hall.

    Post # 35
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    @sportsgal31:  Well, he can do whatever he wants, but if I was him, I’d feel very awkward not having any of my relatives at my wedding.  My question is, who was going to pay for the friends he might plan to invite?  Is that also a part of mom’s guest list, or would that fall under “rest of the wedding cost” that mom is also expected to pay?

    Post # 36
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @AprilJo2011:  That’s a good question.  This whole situation stinks!

    Post # 39
    Member
    1916 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I’m so sorry about that. It sounds like a really stressful situation.  I would just tell them that you’re giving them a fixed amount of money and they can choose to use it to plan the wedding, save for a down payment on a house, etc.

    Their behavior is deplorable.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2362 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

    What I get most from the post is this: your son and his fiance picked a venue, you very openly and honestly told them that you COULD NOT AFFORD it, and they went ahead and booked it anyway and have been throwing fits about it.

    I am so sorry you are going through this. It was just absolutely rude of them to assume what you could and could not pay in the first place. When I became engaged, I started by assuming that Fiance and I would have to pay for it all. Then my mother TOLD me what she could offer, and then his parents have TOLD me what they could offer. And I am so grateful for every single dollar. I can’t believe what they have EXPECTED. Money does not grow on trees. Not like you can just pull money out of thin air.

    Unbelievable.

    I agree with PP’s, try to have a sit down with everyone and very calmly explain this is what we can afford. We will give you this $$ and from there let them decide what they will do with it. (And after the way they behaved, that would be very generous of you to still offer!) Your son can explain to his family members that ask why so few of them are invited. And maybe, just maybe, if they are faced with firm reality, they may come around?

    Post # 42
    Member
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I think the bride’s parents need to be reminded that they already had a wedding, and that this isn’t it. It’s definitely them overstepping their boundaries. You can only do what you can do. Offer the amount of money you can spend, and leave it at that. Your son should have communication skills good enough to make adult decisions in this case….let’s hope! Sounds like he isn’t good at drawing healthy boundaries with his future in laws, or even with his wife. Not a good situation all around.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Wow.  I can’t believe these children.  They shouldn’t even be allowed to get married, being so immature.  

    Your son should work on paying off the ring before even thinking about having a wedding.  After that, he can save his money and pay for the people he would like to attend.  You are not obligated to pay for a single thing towards the wedding.  Your gift of a honeymoon was very kind, and it was very rude of them to refuse it.  

    My advice: figure out what you can afford, whether it is 100 dollars, 1000 dollars or whatever, and give it to them for to use towards the wedding.  And then that’s it.  

    Post # 44
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I am so sorry you are going through this.  From everything I have read you have been very gracious.  Their maturity level is low and I would  triple think contributing any money to their wedding.  It is not customary, nor do they sound like they are treating their parents in a loving & respectful manner.  I liked the previous posters idea of having the whole group sit down to talk, maybe even with a mediator to get to the bottom of the true issues at hand and no running out of the room like a little kid allowed. Square up & talk it out!!  Try to stay centered and don’t forget to breathe! 🙂

    Post # 46
    Member
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    abbie017… I agree with all of this 🙂

    I myself have gone through some Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law drama. No fun. Everything I’ve gone through with them has changed my expectations of them in the long run of who they are to me. Sounds like your FDIL is being stubborn and acting like a (sorry had to say it) spoiled brat. Hopefully they understand soon that you cannot give more than you have. Good luck! 🙂

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