Post # 32
I would take that “pay for your list or you’re out” blackmail attempt and turn it around. Tell him you are out. I bet he doesn’t expect you to actually back out. Let him figure out how to pay for his half of the guest list and half the wedding, and maybe your previous generous offer won’t sound so bad to him anymore.
Post # 33
Let him figure out how to pay for his half of the guest list and half the wedding,
I’ve seen this advice given a few times, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. But if OP doesn’t pay for their family, will he just cut them from the list?
Post # 34
OP i’m sorry that your son and future DIL are acting so poorly. I don’t really have any advice. And to @sportsgal31: point they sound so selfish that no matter what you it will be met with their piss poor attitudes. I wouldn’t go out of my way to help them, but I suppose its easy to say when you’re not emotionally invested as much as you are. I hope that they come to their senses. The sense of entitlement that these two so called “adults’ have is shocking. Can’t afford to get married, go to city hall.
Post # 35
@sportsgal31: Well, he can do whatever he wants, but if I was him, I’d feel very awkward not having any of my relatives at my wedding. My question is, who was going to pay for the friends he might plan to invite? Is that also a part of mom’s guest list, or would that fall under “rest of the wedding cost” that mom is also expected to pay?
Post # 36
@AprilJo2011: That’s a good question. This whole situation stinks!
Post # 38
@AprilJo2011: her parents are paying for their friends and wedding party
Post # 39
I’m so sorry about that. It sounds like a really stressful situation. I would just tell them that you’re giving them a fixed amount of money and they can choose to use it to plan the wedding, save for a down payment on a house, etc.
Their behavior is deplorable.
Post # 40
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
What I get most from the post is this: your son and his fiance picked a venue, you very openly and honestly told them that you COULD NOT AFFORD it, and they went ahead and booked it anyway and have been throwing fits about it.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It was just absolutely rude of them to assume what you could and could not pay in the first place. When I became engaged, I started by assuming that Fiance and I would have to pay for it all. Then my mother TOLD me what she could offer, and then his parents have TOLD me what they could offer. And I am so grateful for every single dollar. I can’t believe what they have EXPECTED. Money does not grow on trees. Not like you can just pull money out of thin air.
I agree with PP’s, try to have a sit down with everyone and very calmly explain this is what we can afford. We will give you this $$ and from there let them decide what they will do with it. (And after the way they behaved, that would be very generous of you to still offer!) Your son can explain to his family members that ask why so few of them are invited. And maybe, just maybe, if they are faced with firm reality, they may come around?
Post # 41
@ticatica: I called the brides mother because WE are the ones expected to pay for it all. The couple isn’t contributing anything. After telling my son that the wedding is only 64 weeks away and I would need to save $100 per week JUST to cover my guest list not a dress for me or tux for my husband or Christmas or his borthers 21st birthday or his college expenses…nothing..and I couldn’t realistically do it BUT if you waited unil June 2014 it would give me 32 more weeks to save and is more doable. I was told no…out of the question. She wants to get married october 2013 and thats that. When I asked why June 2014 was an original date along with oct he told me that was in case her father wasn’t ok with october
Post # 42
I think the bride’s parents need to be reminded that they already had a wedding, and that this isn’t it. It’s definitely them overstepping their boundaries. You can only do what you can do. Offer the amount of money you can spend, and leave it at that. Your son should have communication skills good enough to make adult decisions in this case….let’s hope! Sounds like he isn’t good at drawing healthy boundaries with his future in laws, or even with his wife. Not a good situation all around.
Post # 43
Wow. I can’t believe these children. They shouldn’t even be allowed to get married, being so immature.
Your son should work on paying off the ring before even thinking about having a wedding. After that, he can save his money and pay for the people he would like to attend. You are not obligated to pay for a single thing towards the wedding. Your gift of a honeymoon was very kind, and it was very rude of them to refuse it.
My advice: figure out what you can afford, whether it is 100 dollars, 1000 dollars or whatever, and give it to them for to use towards the wedding. And then that’s it.
Post # 44
I am so sorry you are going through this. From everything I have read you have been very gracious. Their maturity level is low and I would triple think contributing any money to their wedding. It is not customary, nor do they sound like they are treating their parents in a loving & respectful manner. I liked the previous posters idea of having the whole group sit down to talk, maybe even with a mediator to get to the bottom of the true issues at hand and no running out of the room like a little kid allowed. Square up & talk it out!! Try to stay centered and don’t forget to breathe! 🙂
Post # 45
@Lt.Columbo: Ditto all of this
Post # 46
abbie017… I agree with all of this 🙂
I myself have gone through some Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law drama. No fun. Everything I’ve gone through with them has changed my expectations of them in the long run of who they are to me. Sounds like your FDIL is being stubborn and acting like a (sorry had to say it) spoiled brat. Hopefully they understand soon that you cannot give more than you have. Good luck! 🙂