Post # 47
@MOG2013: *sigh* Well, I think you now have an honest conversation with your son about all of this. You love him, you want him to be happy, but you can either a) help pay for a much more modest wedding in 2013 or b) a more expensive wedding in 2014. He really can’t argue with this. If he does, he’s being unreasonable and in my opinion, really disrespectful and hurtful. A couple that is unable to pay for any of their own wedding should not demand an extravagant wedding from their parents. I think this is true regardless of the parents’ income but is especially true when parents don’t have thousands of dollars to just throw around.
Post # 48
If my ADULT child treated me like this, I would rescind my offer to give them anything towards the wedding and when they cry and complain simply tell them that they should figure out a wedding they can afford. I would tell the bride’s parents that either they (as was tradition) shoulder the complete cost, or actually get the bride & groom to pony up. In this day and age, for the couple not to contribute anything and to just assume other people are going to pay for their wedding just reeks of entitlement.
I’m a firm believer in that you should only have the wedding you can afford, and clearly your son and his future wife CANNOT afford the wedding they are trying to have. Time for some tough love and a rude awakening.
Post # 49
Just tell your son you will pay for yourself and your husband. When your family finds out he is getting married, and they don’t get invited – let him explain it.
Post # 51
Your son and his fiance are not entitled to any of your money, and you need to remember that. You don’t ASK him if he can accept less, you TELL him that you will give him less or none at all. Period.
Post # 52
@MOG2013: Step away from the rowing. If this were my family I would’ve eloped by now.Seriously. Your son and FDIL have no right to expect you to pay unless you’ve told them you will. Surely it is more important for their guests to be there not their parents? Or am I too laid back? I think it would be acceptable for you to give them a list of five to ten ‘must have’ names and up to twenty ‘would like if they fit on the guest list’ names.
I agree with the other bees that you just give them a set budget and tell them that’s it. And don’t go back on it. It their choice what that’s spent on. It seems like they’ve made up their mind about the date and accepting that will make life run more easily.
Try not to get too wound up, or add fuel to the fire. Contribute what you can and just be supportive. You may be able to help them out at a later stage of life (grandchildren, homes, cars) when they may need it more.
Post # 53
They should be figuring out how much each party is able to contribute including themselves, and then plan a wedding based on that budget. Not planning their wedding and then telling their parents you have to pay this much. Honestly to keep the drama down I would figure out who you could afford to pay for, writea check for the amount that you can afford, give it to them and then step back from involvement in the planning process. You can always just let the family you cant invite know what happened. After that let her parents deal with it at their end. If the drama has amped up to this point already then it will only get worse so the less you say the better. Stepping away from it could keep you out of it in the future.