(Closed) MoG left out

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ouch. I’m so sorry your feelings are hurt on this.

Unfortunately I have no “magic” advice to offer except for call your son and offer to help with the planning? Start asking for details and keep the tone upbeat and happy. Ask your soon-to-be daughter-in-law what color dresses the bridesmaids and other moms are wearing…that could help with the conversation.


Post # 4
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011 - Samuel Lynne Galleries and Marc Events

Yikes! I can totally see why you are upset about this… on so many levels. Perhaps you take the proactive approach on the rehearsal dinner so that you are involved in the weekend events.  Since that’s typically the groom’s family and your son’s father is helping out with the wedding, perhaps you could offer to help with that event….?

Regardless, it’s completely understandable to be upset about the whole thing. I can’t imagine telling my mom, “Oh, by the way, we’re getting married in 6 weeks.” Hang in there!!!!

Post # 6
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am so sorry.  For the record, I think that your son is behaving extremely thoughtlessly and/or hurtfully toward you. I also think it sounds like communication within the family broke down a long time ago.  If it’s possible (and I understand if it isn’t) I would start there, rather than focusing on the wedding.

Post # 7
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Just for some perspective, my Mother-In-Law and her husband were not mentioned on our invitation because she did not contribute financially to the wedding, as you mentioned is the case here. However, financial contribution was seen by my husband and myself as a burden, not an honor, and so we never asked our Mother-In-Law to contribute because culturally it was not her place as the mother of the groom to host the affair.

I don’t doubt that it’s possible that my Mother-In-Law felt sad about this as well (there is also a similar divorce situation there), however it was simply the traditional issue of financing. Why we did not ask her was cultural, as I mentioned, but it was also an issue of closeness: we do not feel close enough to her to ask her for money. Whether or not she was willing or able to contribute did not factor into the equation, unfortunately. It was a very large request and one were not comfortable asking from her. Perhaps this may shed some light on your situation. Perhaps your son and future daughter-in-law felt the same way?

With regards to the housing, divorce complicates things across the board because it is impossible to please everyone. If you had been included in the group house with the other families by your son, he runs the risk of putting you in a situation where you may encounter unpleasantness at the hands of your ex-husband and his family.

In our situation, we ran into this exact problem – where do we put people who’d rather not see each other? In our case, we actually “excluded” from group activities the parent whom we liked best. Without more knowledge of the dynamics amongst the bride’s family, yourself, and your ex-husband’s family, it’s difficult to say what may be going on.

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