- 8 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
I have a sticky/tricky situation regarding my son’s upcoming wedding. After the engagement announcement, the couple let everyone know that the wedding was to be a destination affair some time off in the future. No problems.
Suddenly, two weeks ago, I received an email from my son:
Hi! We’ve decided to tie the knot on Dec 11. We’ve already rented a big house to share with our families (his dad and stepmother, her parents, my other son and DIL, his paternal grandmother), but here’s a link so you can find a nice rental for yourself. Can you please forward this email to your sister, aunt, and mother? We hope you can join us for the bit “Smith/Jones” family gathering!
His father and I have been divorced for 18 years. While my own ethical standards have prevented me from bad-mouthing their father to them, unfortunately the ex does not have the same ethical code. In the misery that was our divorce, I know for a fact that he invented a fiction in which I became the bad guy of our divorce. He’s had 18 years in which to poison my sons. They’re now 31 and 34.
At any rate, I was hurt and stunned to learn that the big event had already been planned and I had not been included. The new inlaws would all be staying together in a big rental, while I was left to fend for myself.
The next straw was receiving the informal invitation:
Join Jane and Joe together with their parents
The Smiths and the Jones
For an unforgettable evening as they exchange vows!
It was like a dagger to the heart. I understand that his father and her parents are financing the event, but I was never asked to participate. I would have most happily contributed what I could. But to see the invitation with their names, but not mine, was devastating. To add insult to injury, my name was also mispelled on the envelope.
I managed to finally say something to my son, about how it hurt to not see me included with “the parents” on the invitation. He pretty much laid the blame for the hurt at my feet, saying they had no intention of excluding me, but that his father and her parents are footing the bill, so of course they get a mention.
I understand that. But it still hurts mightily. Am I wrong to feel excluded and marginalized? I plan to hike up my big girl panties and move forward in joy, but it still hurts.
Any opinions or suggestions?