Post # 1
My mother is 70 and plus-size, the dress that she bought for the wedding is very elegant, it is very appropriate. It is black with a silver jacket (my wedding colors are black, silver and white) that makes her look slimmer than she actually is but it is semi-plain in comparison to the ballgown that my future mother-in-law would like to wear to the wedding. My fiance’s mother is driving me nuts because she would like to wear a cupcake prom dress/ballgown that is actually a bit bigger at the bottom than my dress and has a large amount of jewels and gems on the top of the dress, not to mention it is strapless. The dress is the same exact cut as my dress! Including the sweetheart neckline and also the large bottom. I believe that she should look elegant and subdued to match my mother’s dress but she feels that she will look matronly. I told her no and that she needs to match my mother a bit more and also that it is too over the top. She wants to dress very fancy but I believe that she is trying to purposely be the center of attention, therefore outshining my mother and worse I believe she is also trying to pull attention off of me and onto her. I know she wants to look good and she does look amazing for her age (51, slim, and beautiful) but I believe this is not the appropriate place to wear such a dress. I have talked to her several times and told her that I want her to look elegant and not overdressed but to no avail. I told her no strapless and nothing with too much beading or sequins because she will make my mom look under dressed and pull the attention away from me. She keeps talking to my fiance and raising a huge fit with him that I am trying to make her look old and that in her culture(eastern european) that this is the most wonderful day of her life and she should be dressed fancier than any other guest because everyone will think she is cheap otherwise! Am I being a bridezilla or do I have any merit? How should I approach the situation? I have honestly tried and told her how I feel but she is not listening. I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out. HELP
Post # 3
I’d let it go. At this point the more you tell her not to do something the more she will want to do it like a teenager. No one wants to be told no.
I don’t think you need to worry about her outshining you, that is imporssible and in the end it’ll look bad on her not on you or your fam. She doesn’t need to match your mother either. Some things you just cannot control and that is people’s outfits. My aunt wore a gaudy huge tiara to her son’s wedding. She was the one who looked like a clown and it didn’t effect the couple.
Post # 4
oh dear, to be honest the only one who will look silly is her, can you post a pic of the dress she wants to wear?
Post # 5
I think it’s fine to let her wear whatever she wants. Also, there is something to be said for her coming from a different cultural background. Many Eastern European cultures love sparkle. I took a German course with a Russian girl who dresed like she should be in a music video on to attend classes each day, I can only imagine what she would wear to a wedding.
Post # 6
I agree to just let it go. She’s the one who is going to look ridiculous, not you. No matter how similar her dress is to yours, there is no way she’s going to be mistaken for the bride.
Maybe compromise with her and tell her she can wear a fancy gown as long as it is not a ballgown?
Post # 7
I like zippylef‘s idea of the compromise to let her wear a fancy gown, just not one quite as similar as your dress. Good luck!
Post # 8
I felt like I was reading my own story. My Future Mother-In-Law is trying to look over the top and wants dropped waist poof and even considering a few prom gowns. All I’m thinking is “c’mon woman”.
If your Future Mother-In-Law is anything like mine you’re not going to get your way here. No matter what we say its not going to sink in without causing a rift of some sort. Has your Fiance stepped in? If he told her that he would be upset with her for having a production of a dress compared to yours it might mellow her down a bit.
Just remember you won’t be the one who looks ridiculous.
Post # 9
My Grandpa’s wife is Romanian so I know a little bit of where she is coming from. Let her do the sparkle, insist she drop the strapless and poof. A little poof would be fine, but there is no way strapless is appropriate for someone 50+ years old. You can do spangly, elegant, and non-matronly easily.
Post # 10
Honestly, I’d let this one go. I completely understand why you’re upset, but you’re not going to win here. She’s either going to wear the dress she wants or she’s going to drive you insane by complaining that she didn’t get to wear the dress she wanted to wear.
No one will confuse you with her. If she’s overdressed and silly looking, it will reflect on her; not you and certainly not your mom.
Post # 11
I went to a weding recently where the MOG wore a VERY low cut sequined see through in parts dress – she looked ridiculous and did not out shine the bride nor any other guest – she just looked a total idiot and everybody was laughing at her behind her back. She even bought another outfit to wear at the reception which was just as bad – even the bride didnt change for the reception. She obviously wanted to be the centre of attention and for every1 to comment on what she was wearing – she just looked like a fool and yes every1 commented on what she wore – behind her back and I dont think she would of liked what they were saying lol! I wouldnt worry about it, I would just let her wear what she wants and if she wants to look stupid let her…all eyes will be on you
Post # 12
I would just let her wear what she wants. You will still be the center of attention regardless of what your Future Mother-In-Law wears.
Post # 13
Maybe I’m just a bitch, but I think the dress you’ve described sounds really inappropriate. I wouldn’t budge on not wanting her to outshine you or your mom. Especially if your parents are hosting this, your mom should stand out as the honored host of her daughters wedding. Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like a brat, and for me, that makes me want to accomodate people even less. If it’s cultural, let her wear sequins, but she needs to get over the poof and the strapless gown. I hate how this is going to sound, but she needs to be put in her place about who is the center of attention that day, which is you and your future husband. I wouldn’t let my Future Mother-In-Law get away with it, even if dropping it meant less headache for me. I think you should stand your ground and if you feel as though she’s trying to be a difficult bratty, immature person and outshine your and your mom, you shouldn’t let her. Compromise, but make it known that nothing she’s going to wear is going to compare to your dress, nor should it totally outshine your mother. Again, just my opinion. If that sounds bitchy, I’m sorry. I have an odd, difficult, and sometimes tactless Future Mother-In-Law so I have a bad taste in my mouth for people like that.
Post # 14
I would let it go. Just let her do whatever she wants, in the end she is the one that will look ridiculous.
My Mother-In-Law was the opposite for our wedding. My mother had a lovely evening gown in a deep purple (our colors were purple, green, silver/grey) and my Mother-In-Law showed up in a LEATHER pencil skirt and a red sweater. One of my bms gasped when she saw her. In the end my Mother-In-Law has said she should have dressed up more to match my mom (she originally had a grey evening gown picked out…no clue what happened to it).
Post # 15
@ yellowshoe- LOL! OMG. Sorry, the part about the bridesmaid gasping is hilarious.
Who are all these people?? Tiaras? Prom dresses? Is it crazy to anyone else that there are so many MILs who think its ok to dress like this?
Post # 16
I wouldn’t worry about it…she will definitely not outshine you. She will just showcase herself as a complete and total idiot which will make you look even better! 🙂