(Closed) MOG wants to wear a prom dress/ballgown to the wedding…HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Give up and just let her wear this dress?
    Yes : (19 votes)
    38 %
    No : (31 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    405 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    OMG she’s being a git!

    HER most important day?? Is she serious? I’ve never heard of any culture where the MOG should be outshining the bride. I think that’s BS.

    I don’t know what to do, as it seems she’s hell bent on wearing this dress. Could your finace talk to her? Perhaps he might be able to knock some sense into her.

    You said you’re worried about marrying his family too, so I’m guessing there are other issues with his mother, or just this one? Calling off a wedding over a gown seems extreme, that’s all.

     

    Oh, and even if she DOES end up wearing her ballgown, believe me, 99% of your guests will be thinking ‘WTF, look  at that silly old tart’ and will be looking at you instead. ♥

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @BerryBerry:  I totally second you!  If she does end up wearing the dress it reflects badly on no one but her! I have half a mind to say–just let her wear it–she’s the one who will be embarassed at the end of the day, not you, so is it really worth the fight?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1550 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    wow, she will look very foolish as a 51-year old (No matter how slim she is) in a poofy prom gown that is strapless with jewels. Your Fiance needs to handle this and be firm with her. SHE SHOULD NOT WEAR THAT DRESS. FINAL.

    Post # 8
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I say give in, only because it is too much emotional energy to spend on it.  Guests who try to outdress the bride look foolish-if she wants to look foolish as a parent of the groom, then let her.  It sounds like it is cultural and she is sticking to it.  So let her have it-she may regret it.  In the meantime, you worry about your fabulous dress!

    Post # 9
    Hostess
    11167 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    All I can say is pick and choose your battles. My mother’s dress is very similar to what you described (and she is 52…) and while I could fight it I decided to just let it go and focus on things that I CAN control.

    Best of luck to you!!!

     

    OH and here is my mom’s dress just to make you laugh:

    Post # 10
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Just let her wear it and move on.  Don’t stress yourself out – you can’t control other people’s actions, all you can do is control how you react to them.

    she’s going to look like an idiot and that won’t reflect badly on you at all.  

    Post # 11
    Member
    5075 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @Treejewel19:   Is your mom still going with a bolero or shawl?  I thought you had mentioned that in a previous post? 

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    11167 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    @GroovyHippieChick: Yes thank goodness. Although the one she purchased doesn’t really provide as much *ahem* coverage as I had hoped. She is going to send me a photo of the dress and shawl together once it comes in (ordered from Etsy). We shall see.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1747 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    My mother recently tried on a ballgown for my wedding and I almost had a heart attack. It looked like the negative of my dress. To wit:

     

     

    Fortunately, my mom and I have a candor that allowed me to honestly tell her the dress was inappropriate and really not that pretty. It looked great on her, but I’m sorry, she’s elegant and that is NOT.

    Unfortunately for you, this is the MOG and it will be very hard to share your opinion without stepping on toes. Personally, I do NOT think it is worth it. 

    My mom is Russian and she DOES want to look better than any other guest there. It is the most wonderful day of her life to her too, so I understand your MOG’s thinking. This isn’t just any party. It’s a life event party. 

    I think you should accesorize your mom with a fancy necklace she feels beautiful in. There are vintage ones on ebay that add beautiful sparkle and upgrade a look.

    I think if your MOG hasn’t gotten a dress yet, though, you should try and gently talk her out of the ballgown by suggesting an equally fancy but not ballgown shaped dress. She wants to go fancy, let her go fancy, but with taste.

     

    Lastly, no one is going to outshine you. Trust me.

    Post # 14
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t know if it is even worth the fight because she seems pretty hell bent on waring it. Honestly IMO she will just be making a fool of her self. People aren’t going to say it to her face, but there will def. be whispers about her dress- I can almost guarantee it. If anything have Fiance talk to her…again. If still nothing- jazz your mom up a little- great jewelry, hair, make-up, shoes. Simplicity will always outshine the gaudy or overdressed! And compared to your mom she will look even more ridiculous so overdressed.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Treejewel19:  I gasped outloud.  Wow.  I hope the shawl is a good fit!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I am also going through MOG hell. My Future Mother-In-Law threatened to not attend if we say she shouldn’t wear her dress (Note: we never said she couldn’t. Just the implication she shouldn’t wear the dress and WWIII breaks out and the dress doesn’t even fit her).

    Here are suggestions, none of which are the high road. Tell her that she is making you and your husband sad. Tell her you don’t want her matronly, you want her sleek and that, in your your culture, ball gowns are for brides (oops that is an appropriate response. Onto the ones you know you want to do). Get a bridesmaid to spill wine on her (two of my bridesmaids offered to on my FMIL). 

    The king of low ways to get her to not wear the dress: tell her it makes her look fat. Either the  subtle, “I didn’t want to say anything… but have you gained weight? The dress adds 8 lbs.” or the, “Do you like it?” “You look fat. You want to go to the wedding looking like that? I thought you said weddings were important for the Mother of the Groom?”

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