(Closed) MOH advice

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I replace my MOH?
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @amw5585:  Based on this:

    One day I asked her if she even truly wanted to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and she didn’t give me a straight yes or no and in fact..didn’t even make eye contact with me. She said she didn’t know how to be a Maid/Matron of Honor and couldn’t take on the responsibilty fully because she’s not 21.

    I think she may feel like she can’t afford to throw you showers and/or can’t do things you might want to do for, say, a bachelorette party (like going to a bar, for example) because she’s so young.

    I obviously don’t know her, so this is just a guess.  Since she brought up her age specifically, though, that’s what I think may be going on in her mind.  Is she a student?  I know that can sometimes make people feel like it’s more of a burden than a fun time (I speak from experience since I was a super broke grad student when I was a bridesmaid in one of my closest friend’s weddings).  It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy and excited for you or that they don’t want to be part of the wedding … It just means they’re scared they won’t be able to make the financial commitment of being in the bridal party.  (At least that’s how I felt.  It all worked out in the end, though, and I was more than happy to be standing up with her on her big day!)

    I’m sorry she’s been avoiding you, though.  That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me (unless she just really hates confrontation or doesn’t feel like she can be open about any concerns she has with you).  I would try again to have an open, honest discussion with her … If she’s not responsive, I might then say something like, “You know, I’d really love it if you were my maid of honor, but it doesn’t really seem like you want to be.  If that’s the case, I’ll have to ask a friend to do it.  I don’t want to cut you out of the wedding, but I also don’t want you to be miserable.”

    I think that would at least be a nice way to approach it.  You don’t want her to feel attacked or anything, but you should definitely let her know that you have friends who would love to take on the role of maid of honor if she’s not into it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @amw5585:  I wish you weren’t experiencing so much negativity.  That really does suck.  Frown

    It does sound like you’ve thought this through and considered any possibilities … And honestly, I’m at a loss as well.  If she’s living rent free and you’re taking care of some of the larger expenses associated with being a bridesmaid (not to mention not expecting/wanting any showers and big parties!), I don’t really see what the issue could be.

    The only other things I can think of are:

    1.) She’s having feelings of jealousy.  Is she in a relationship?  If not, has she ever been in a serious (even somewhat serious) relationship?  Sometimes weddings can bring out negative feelings people don’t even realize they had.  (I’ve seen this firsthand, though thankfully not with my engagement … At least not so far!)

    2.) She has some sort of issue with your fiance.  Do they get along?  Do they even know each other very well?  I think some people feel like they’re “losing” someone they’re close to when that person gets married, and maybe she’s worried your relationship will change once you’re married (something that’s more likely if she doesn’t really like your fiance).

    Again, though, I really don’t know.  I’d be curious about the reason(s) she gives for giving you the cold shoulder after being asked to be your maid of honor.  

    I hope everything works out for you!  Stuff like this always sucks, especially if the person in question is a family member you’ve always been close to.

    The topic ‘MOH advice’ is closed to new replies.

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