Post # 1
I asked my baby sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I love her to pieces and feel I have helped raise her. Also, my other younger sister asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor in her wedding two years ago (which I thought was weird because her and my other sisters are close and I’m like the odd man out all of the time). So we decided that we would each be eachothers MOHs in our weddings.
My sister is showing absolutely no interest in the wedding and actually seems very uncomfortable when I bring it up. I try not to talk about the wedding too much because I don’t want to be one of those annoying brides who has nothing to talk about but her wedding.
One day I asked her if she even truly wanted to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and she didn’t give me a straight yes or no and in fact..didn’t even make eye contact with me. She said she didn’t know how to be a Maid/Matron of Honor and couldn’t take on the responsibilty fully because she’s not 21….WTH? So then she said maybe both of my sisters could share the MOH title and responsibilities. In my opinion that means she doesn’t really want to be the MOH and that was just her way of nicely saying it.
Since I asked her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, we barely even talk now and seem to fight more than normal. She hangs out with my other sister every Friday religiously and they do all of these things together without even inviting me ever. I think I made the wrong choice asking them because I have girlfriends not even in the wedding offering me help and asking me how everything is going and even more excited than me sometimes. Should I just replace them? I want people to be excited to be in my wedding as I was in hers or any other wedding I have been in whatever role I played in it. I mean…two days ago I sent out a text asking people to save a date for dress shopping (which I’m paying for) and she didn’t even respond to me.
I think I just want to replace the both of them with people who want to be there and not HAVE to be there.
Post # 3
@amw5585: Based on this:
One day I asked her if she even truly wanted to be the Maid/Matron of Honor and she didn’t give me a straight yes or no and in fact..didn’t even make eye contact with me. She said she didn’t know how to be a Maid/Matron of Honor and couldn’t take on the responsibilty fully because she’s not 21.
I think she may feel like she can’t afford to throw you showers and/or can’t do things you might want to do for, say, a bachelorette party (like going to a bar, for example) because she’s so young.
I obviously don’t know her, so this is just a guess. Since she brought up her age specifically, though, that’s what I think may be going on in her mind. Is she a student? I know that can sometimes make people feel like it’s more of a burden than a fun time (I speak from experience since I was a super broke grad student when I was a bridesmaid in one of my closest friend’s weddings). It doesn’t mean they aren’t happy and excited for you or that they don’t want to be part of the wedding … It just means they’re scared they won’t be able to make the financial commitment of being in the bridal party. (At least that’s how I felt. It all worked out in the end, though, and I was more than happy to be standing up with her on her big day!)
I’m sorry she’s been avoiding you, though. That doesn’t make a lot of sense to me (unless she just really hates confrontation or doesn’t feel like she can be open about any concerns she has with you). I would try again to have an open, honest discussion with her … If she’s not responsive, I might then say something like, “You know, I’d really love it if you were my maid of honor, but it doesn’t really seem like you want to be. If that’s the case, I’ll have to ask a friend to do it. I don’t want to cut you out of the wedding, but I also don’t want you to be miserable.”
I think that would at least be a nice way to approach it. You don’t want her to feel attacked or anything, but you should definitely let her know that you have friends who would love to take on the role of maid of honor if she’s not into it.
Post # 4
@angelinthesnowxo: I totally agree, I think I’m gonna meet up with her in a public setting just her and I and see what she says. I was thinking about the financial part too…but she lives at home with our mother rent free, bill free..all she has to pay for is her car payment. NOTHING ELSE. And I am the one who is buying the bridal party dresses because I don’t want anyone to feel financially burdened, ya know? And I am not having showers and stuff like that and told her that I don’t need a crazy bachellorette party. She also said she has a lot going on this summer, she is moving out on her own and going on a trip out of state with my other sister that she has to pay for. Which are both great things and I’m happy for her….I don’t know. I just thought planning a wedding would be so much fun and had all these happy thoughts and seems like all I’m getting from people is negativity. I don’t undstand.
Post # 5
@amw5585: I wish you weren’t experiencing so much negativity. That really does suck.
It does sound like you’ve thought this through and considered any possibilities … And honestly, I’m at a loss as well. If she’s living rent free and you’re taking care of some of the larger expenses associated with being a bridesmaid (not to mention not expecting/wanting any showers and big parties!), I don’t really see what the issue could be.
The only other things I can think of are:
1.) She’s having feelings of jealousy. Is she in a relationship? If not, has she ever been in a serious (even somewhat serious) relationship? Sometimes weddings can bring out negative feelings people don’t even realize they had. (I’ve seen this firsthand, though thankfully not with my engagement … At least not so far!)
2.) She has some sort of issue with your fiance. Do they get along? Do they even know each other very well? I think some people feel like they’re “losing” someone they’re close to when that person gets married, and maybe she’s worried your relationship will change once you’re married (something that’s more likely if she doesn’t really like your fiance).
Again, though, I really don’t know. I’d be curious about the reason(s) she gives for giving you the cold shoulder after being asked to be your maid of honor.
I hope everything works out for you! Stuff like this always sucks, especially if the person in question is a family member you’ve always been close to.