Post # 1
I wrote a post a while back to say that I have been asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor in summer 2015 for one of my best friends which I’m made up about, but that I am also wanting to try for a family. The support I recieved in favour of TTC at the time of my origional post was overwhelming, but I am now wanting further advice and to provide an update.
The wedding will be August 2015 (so just under a year away) no children are invited to any aspect of the day and it will take place in a different county to where I live as the bride has moved down south, so from where I am it will take 2 hours 30 by car. The bride had asked all members of the wedding party and other halves to go down the night before the wedding so we can all get together which is a lovely idea, and then we will also be staying over the night of the wedding, so two nights away in total. All of this is great if there is no child / baby in the equation.
So, where am I up to? I was delighted to fall pregnant at the start of this year with a due date of early October but unfortuantely miscarried late at the end of March. Timing wise this would have been great as we would have had a 10 month old which would have been easy enough to manage between family members on baby sitting duty at home as at 10 months this would hopefully be easier than having a newborn for two nights. It took us both a while to get over the miscarriage and we were understandably upset and a bit freaked out so didn’t want to try again straight away. So here we are now feeling like we want to try again, but I am forever mindful that we have a wedding to attend in 11 months where no children are invited.
I have spoken to the bride to be and she has been lovely about it and she understands that it is a big decsion and not one that I am taking lightly. She doesn’t want to feel that she would be the reason for us not trying again or delaying trying, but does recognise that if we try asap this month and fall pregnant, and (hopefully all being well) we’d be looking at a due date in June – two months before the wedding. This would also mean that I would miss the hen do as she would like to have this in May. I don’t want to appear like I’m being selfish and not taking her feelings into consideration. She has said if we try again straight away she doesn’t think I would be able to be Maid/Matron of Honor and would then attend as a guest to take all the pressure off me about planning things, trying to lose weight to fit in a dress etc which I totally undertand and am ok with but I’m not sure she is.
The other option is to hold off TTC for 4 months and try again from the start of next year so that I would be pregnant at the wedding meaning that I could still be Maid/Matron of Honor and she has said she would be ok with me being a pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor.
Help!! I don’t want to let people down and I’m fed up of feeling stressed about it to be honest, as I think I’m trying to keep everyone else happy apart from myself. But my best friends wedding is a big deal and that’s why I feel so guilty and torn up about it all.
Post # 2
Kitty714: Absolutely TTC. I’m so sorry about the miscarriage, and I hope you’re successful this time.
The bride is being unreasonable expecting everyone to sleep over, in my opinion. If she’s going to drop you for having a 2 month old I think she’s being too demanding, but that is her decision. But do not delay TTC – a major life decision – for the sake of the wedding which is, after all, just a single day.
Don’t feel bad about disrupting her wedding plans either, because she’ll have at least 6 months to get a new Maid/Matron of Honor into the role.
Post # 3
I understand having a no-kids wedding/reception but there is still no way that you should delay for someone else’s wedding. I think it’s rude for her to cut you out because you’ll have a kid. But if you have to attend as a guest, that would be fantastic! You’ll have a brand new baby! Don’t delay TTC just to keep someone else happy especially when that someone isn’t your hubby.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada
Kitty714: I second everyone else’s opinion on here. Don’t put off TTC for her wedding. Yes you might get pregnant straight away, but it might also take time. It’s never certain with these things and she will have plenty of time to make other arrangements if need be. Her wedding is the most important thing to her right now, but trust me, once it is over and some time has passed she will understand should it be that you are unable to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. Especially once she start to TTC herself.
Post # 5
Kitty714: It is a tough call. I personally pushed back TTC for my best friend’s wedding, but it was a totally different circumstance. I would say you should do what is right for your family. The wedding shouldn’t be a consideration.
I get kids free weddings, but would she make an exception for a nursing newborn? I can’t imagine not making one. If I were in your shoes, I would be happy to be there as a guest with a newborn. I can understand stepping down, kids at that age are on a two hour eating/sleeping schedule. You would be constantly nursing.
I could also see delaying–we did. Being very pregnant at a wedding isnt fun and there is always the risk that you won’t be allowed to travel or will deliver early. 7 months pregnant is probably be the latest I would go and still be in the wedding.
It is entirely up to you, but I would go with what is right for you as a couple, not what is best for the bride.
Post # 6
Don’t worry about the wedding. Just proceed with TTC, and if you happen to get pregnant in a way that interferes with the wedding, you’ll cross that bridge when you come to it. No friend would ever expect you to delay TTC for her wedding.
Post # 7
Can I just add, it’s not fair that you’re even stressing about this. TTC is a natural part of life (for those who want kids), and no bride on earth is entitled to expect anyone else to delay it. There’s nothing for you to be guilty about and nothing to stress about. Do exactly what you were going to do. And if you do get pregnant, there is plenty of time to work out what to do.
Post # 8
as a late 20 the majority of my bridal party are either just having babies or TTC – each of them have been kind enough to tell me and ask if im ok with this… my response…. a baby and your life is more important than my wedding to you do whatever you need to do and we will accomdate whatever you need as/when/if that arises.
I can honestly say my bridesmaids have been amazing and have tried to do whatever they can to make it to any wedding related events – ie bachelorettes etc – but honestly as a friend i would never want someone to put something so important on hold for me.
If you and your partner are ready to TTC OP then do it, your friend will hopefully be understanding, and yeah it is a bit of a downer that you cant do every thing but its not the end of the world. good luck
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I love my girlfriends and would generally bend over backwards to make their wedding dreams come true to the very fullest of my abilities. BUT I would not postpone TTC for a wedding, or for any other outside reason. And I would never want one of my friends to postpone TTC for me.
Post # 10
I was about to say that she’s being so nice about it and understanding…then I got to the part where she suggested you step down from being Maid/Matron of Honor because of a bunch of shitty reasons (that are really up to you to decide whether they are legit concerns, not her). Don’t delay TTC and see what happens when the wedding rolls around.
Post # 11
I can understand why she wouldn’t want a pregnant/new mother as a Maid/Matron of Honor. I think she is being understanding. It’s not like she told you not to TTC. There are always consequences to our choices, whether we like it or not. If you do get pregnant, the wedding will go off without a hitch and all will be well in the end.
Right now, you’re not pregnant so this may all be irrelevant. Maybe you’ll get pregnant months from now and just be pregnant at the wedding instead of with a newborn.
Good luck and I hope it all works out in the end. I know it will.