(Closed) MOH and BFF in trouble, what do I do?

• FutureMrs_W
• 6 years ago

So my wedding is really far away, but I have already chosen my Maid/Matron of Honor, who has been my best friend since kindergarden. We are sisters in everything but name and I love her second only to my fiance. She was also engaged, with me being her Maid/Matron of Honor, up until last week when she randomly broke up with her fiance over a guy she met at Subway. I live out of town and just managed to call her this morning to ask about it. She revealed to me that the guy got her number, they started talking, and she realized she is not in love with her ex-fiance and really hit it off with this new guy. She also let me in on the facts that he is nearly thirty, smokes pot frequently, is married but going through a divorce, and has three (3) THREE children. Keep in mind that my friend is in her early twenties and still in college. I feel like she can be a little naive, and I don’t mean that harshly, but she does still live with her parents and her ex-fiance was her first and only boyfriend.

I was a little worried about the divorce and kid stuff. I am a pretty nonjudgmental person, but my friend does not seem like the type to leave her sweet and charming fiance for a still-married man. 

Anyway, I mentioned to one of my other friends from my hometown that she is seeing this guy. All I did was describe him, and this Friend #2 immediately knew who I was talking about without even hearing his name. Her older sister dated him in the past, and according to Friend #2, he does hard drugs, has been to jail for beating his wife, has been hospitalized due to suicide attempts multiple times, and sleeps with every girl he meets. Apparently, his divorce is also dubious. He tells every girl he talks to that he is getting a divorce and has been doing this for years. She said this is not even the worst of it but was actually AFRAID to tell me more. She asked me to keep her anonymous if I decide to dish to Friend #1 about this guy, for her and her sisters safety. 

I have no idea what I have gotten myself into, but I am very worried for Friend #1/MOH’s healthy and safety. I think she made a big mistake in breaking off her engagement, and I honestly feel that she has lost her mind, but most importantly, I do not want to see her hurt by a bad character. I don’t think Friend #2 has any reason to lie to me about this. I am very close with both women. I am pretty sure I am obligated to tell Friend #1/MOH what I have heard about her fling, but how can I go about it sensitively without hurting her feelings or revealing that Friend #2 told me the details? I do not want to lose either friend over this.

• FutureMrs_W
• 6 years ago

Thanks for the advice Bees! Today, she called me and said his wife showed up at her house and started threatening her. Apparently, the guy almost got arrested because he started to push the wife around in front of Maid/Matron of Honor and general public. Maybe I should have waited, but I took that opportunity to tell her what I knew. She got very defensive and said she had to go. She texted me later while I was in a meeting about how stressed she was about the situation, but when I texted her back an hour later, she said “everything is fine. I’m with him now.” 

Sounds like she is head over heels to me. I experienced a similarly unexpected, but very abusive relationship where all the warning signs were there ahead of time. Granted, I was fifteen when it started, not in my twenties. I guess this is something she will have to figure out. But I am very afraid for her. The guy I dated who this man reminds me of almost destroyed my life, literally. If not for current fiance, I don’t know if I would be alive right now.