(Closed) MOH and BM Drama!!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

wow you are in a tight spot, what are some of the reason why they cant be apart of it?? if they buy their own dress and such will that be ok? or you can just say something like “i know you want to be apart of my wedding and im happy for that but my bridesmaid have already been chosen”.  I know it sounds harsh but you have to do what you have to do.  If you have not formally asked them to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then they are not a Bridesmaid or Best Man.


Post # 5
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

your friend was so out of line.  Why would anyone assume they are a BM!?  I wouldn’t say anything until I have finalized my BMs and they have said yes, unless she brings it up again and then you should say that you’re still trying to figure it all but that you have friends that you have known for much longer.

I wouldn’t worry too much about her feelings becasue she’s putting you in a very awk position adn obviously not caring about your feelings.

Post # 6
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Nobody should ever assume she would be a bridesmaid. You can always say you wanted to keep it at a certain number & it’s only obvious that you’d pick girls who you were friends with longer. 

Post # 7
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

‘oh i’m not making any bridal party decisions for months – i might just have a maid of honour – who knows?’ 

say it nicely with a smile but it lets them know that a) the decision won’t be made for a while and b) they might not be in it. 


i would caution against putting someone in because you feel bad – the bigger the party it seems the more issues arise. 

Post # 9
1478 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC

I really think you should just wait before even choosing the whole Bridesmaid or Best Man thing. As sure as you can be that you know who you want as BMs now, life happens. Long time friends can get jealous (happened to me), pregnant, fall in love and move somewhere, financially unable to do it etc etc. The ones you didnt expect to step up actually do and then theres talks of “replacing” bridesmaids

Id just enjoy the initial planning stages

Post # 10
8471 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@jazzdhuereca:  Exactly. You don’t want any regrets!

Post # 13
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Im kind of in the same boat. When I told my FI’s cousin we were engaged, she said great! “I already know I’m in the wedding! ” So… I was like ummmm…. I haven’t decided yet. So if she asks me agian.I will let her know were are over the limit for bm. I think she will understand. I just hate it when people assume that they are in something and you haven’t even asked. It put us in an ackward postion. But you have to tell them in a nice way

Post # 14
2 posts

can you say that you are going to have an X number of bridesmaids and your childhood friends have expressed their interests of becoming one. Stress the X number to her but of course in a nice way 🙂

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