(Closed) MOH and BM drama :(

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you need to take a deep breath, and remember that everyone will know it is your day.  You’re still going to be wearing the white dress, exchanging vows, and having your very own paparazzi.  


While, it may be frustrating that they ask things of you, to celebrate vicariously through you, it is up to you to  decide if you want to honor that request.  I don’t know that there is a "good" way to confront them about it if you decide to go that route. 

Post # 4
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe you didn’t give all the details, but based on what you said, I don’t think you should let this get to you.  They chose a small wedding.  OK.  You chose them to be your honor attendants, as well as agreeing to choose things they’ve requested.  I don’t think it’s a huge deal for your Maid/Matron of Honor to wear different jewelry than the other girls.  I’m not sure how different all the tuxes will be, but it’s fine. 

What is "their song" situation?  Are you dancing to it, as the first dance?  Is it the song for the bridal party?  (I’m assuming the second).  Did you think, Ok fine I didn’t care too much about the song anyway?  Or did you think you’d like another song and just caved to someone else’s request?   If it’s that big of a deal, I’m sure you can change the song.  But if you really didn’t care, originally, I wouldn’t change it, just because she’s trying to live a little vicariously through you. 

Keep in mind they are your honor attendants.  Maybe it’s not the coolest for them to make all kinds of requests.  But for the two of them to have such a place in your lives, I would think you’d want to try to let some of this stuff pass for the sake of your friendship.  If it’s really bothering you stand up for doing what you want, next time. 

And as part of your Bridal Party, they will naturally get some attention, being announced, Bridal Party dance, walking down the aisle etc.  But if you are concerned that they will somehow try to take over more attention than they’d naturally get, try to give heads up to the DJ/band.  Let them know that there are certain songs you don’t want played or that you don’t want them handing the mic over to people.   But honestly, I don’t see this as a huge deal.  They probably regret not having a wedding.  And even though they are "excited" for your wedding, at the end of the day, they will know the wedding isn’t theirs.  Be happy that they are excited for the wedding, instead of being distant and moody, like so many brides see in their BMs.

Post # 5
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

I really wouldn’t worry about it. A tux and a necklace are not going to turn them into the bride and groom 🙂 They probably just want to be involved, which I think is nice. As long as you enjoy their company and they are not influencing your choices too much I really don’t see a problem with it. It will be your day regardless. Enjoy having friends who want to participate in making it special.

Post # 6
5398 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I also wouldn’t let it bother you too much.  You have so many other things to worry about.  No one will notice her jewelry is different from all the other BMs and as far as your best man, a tux is a tux and at the end of the day they all pretty much look the same.  As for their song, whenever it is played during the reception, no one will really know it was their song, they’ll just think it’s another song to dance to.  So don’t worry, no one will confuse your wedding as theirs.

Post # 7
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I wouldnt’ worry too much. Like everyone else has said, there isn’t going to be anyone there who is confused about who the bride and groom are! And also, if they drop any more ‘requests’ that you don’t feel comfortable with, you can always just smile and nod and then ‘forget’ to do them on the day.

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