Post # 1
I have a problem, and it’s a big one. Both my Maid/Matron of Honor and a Bridesmaid or Best Man are kind of drifting into their own world and don’t have time for my wedding.
My Maid/Matron of Honor started dating a guy, got engaged, decided to get married ahead me and even moved in with him. So I understand she has had no time, but would have appreciated some *warning* and especially I would appreciate if she could just tell me flat out.
One of my BMs is having relationship problems that are sucking her up into turmoil and there’s no way she is available.
How can I tell these girls, in a nice way, to either sh*t or get off of the pot? I’m in need of getting some REAL help from my bridal party.
Post # 3
I would check in with them and tell them that you’ve noticed they’ve had a lot of stuff going on lately, and are they still able to be and interested in being in your wedding party? If so, I’d reiterate what you need them to do.
ETA: When checking in with your Bridesmaid or Best Man with the relationship woes, I’d also check in with HER. Sounds like she’s going through a tough time and she may need to talk.
Post # 4
@MissHelen: I have of course checked on them — if I didn’t feel like checking on I wouldn’t want them in my bridal party. I didn’t say it but I do find it a little childish to accept a position and then “check out” as soon as life throws you lemons… I rarely abandon a friend, especially one who wants me to be a part of her life and tries to be a part of my life, just because I have “issues” (especially given that, like in her case, the issue at stake is a bf who has repeatedly cheated on her, and she has hooked up with him when he was married… the guy is a notorious jerk and I can’t understand how, after over 2 years, she acts so surprised when she finds him with another woman).
The replies I’ve gotten was a generic “I’m looking forward to sharing this day with you” from the Maid/Matron of Honor and more whining from the Bridesmaid or Best Man (the whining didn’t sit well because I’m a fixer and I can’t understand people who whine without trying to fix the problem).
I just need some fun loving ladies who also can perform, you know? Without all the moody/b*tchy/whiny part.
Post # 5
Have you said to them outright “I need your help right now and would really like you to be here for me right now.”? I feel like most issues like them can be solved with open communication.
Truth be told, even though the wedding is in the forefront of your life, it’s not so for everyone else, even though they are in it. You need to be considerate to that as much, if not more, as you expect for them to recognize their role in your day.
Do you have family or other girlsfriends who can help you with what you need help with? If so, turn to those people & ask for their help instead of relying 100% on your BMs.