Post # 1
First I have to say that my best friend is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my two sisters are my BM’s.
Back when we started discussing the bachelorette plans I told my Maid/Matron of Honor that I wanted my sisters involved in the planning. I got engaged in October 2010. This would give them PLENTY of time to plan. My Maid/Matron of Honor had a rough year in 2011 when her Mother was diagnosed with cancer. Her mother is doing very well and she hasn’t had to deal with much in 2012.
I figured 9 months was plenty of time to plan a bachelorette event.
When we first started talking about options I really wanted to go on a cruise to mexico. I was told by my Maid/Matron of Honor that there weren’t very many ships traveling to mexico this year (maybe because of the safety hazzards) so basically it was on the back burner and my Maid/Matron of Honor was coming up with other ideas and getting feedback on what else is an option if a cruise wasn’t. Leaning more towards a mini trip.
From since I got engaged to now I thought all along that my Maid/Matron of Honor had been communicating and planning WITH my sisters (BM’s)
I started to get worried when my other friends started asking me what’s going on with the bachelorette trip or event. I didn’t want to pressure my Maid/Matron of Honor so I went straight to my sister and asked her if she could please follow-up on the bachelorette event and I also asked her if she could stay on top of my MOH because my MOH gets stuff done but she is a bit of a procrastinator. (example: I asked her to call a rental place a month ago and she never got around to doing it)
So I asked this of my sister and my sister was on top of it and started taking some action. Taking charge, if you will. I don’t think my Maid/Matron of Honor liked that every much but we had no choice because we weren’t getting ANY communication about ANYTHING. Not a date or time or rough estimate on cost.
So within the last couple of weeks words were exchanged between my sister and my Maid/Matron of Honor. Some accusing and hurtful words from both of them.
Now I believe they are at a stand still. A trip or event hasn’t been agreed upon and nothing confirmed but a ROUGH date. And hurt feelings and tension to go along with that.
I don’t want to me the mediator but I feel like I have to because nothing is done and we are 5 months away from the wedding which means less time to plan a trip. I really don’t know which direction to go with this. I’ve been able to remain impartial and understanding throughout this but I just don’t know what to do.
Do I tell them not to plan a trip? or give them small scale options that I would like? or just tell them to get their crap together and call it a day? I need help. The fact that they are fighting is what is upsetting me the most…
Post # 3
I forgot to add that my Maid/Matron of Honor says she’s been planning and researching but didn’t feel a need to contact anyone or let them know anything until she was ready with everything.
Post # 4
If it’s that much of a trouble for these guys to plan a trip, would you be upset if you just had a night out or a weekend out in the city? It’s easier on them for planning and you’ll have less to worry about for yourself.
Post # 5
@adnama: I was definitely thinking of that. I just needed more feedback. I feel like I have to take over and steer them in a different direction. The problem that they are having is they seem to be very passionate about giving me the very best but I honestly don’t need the best. Sure, I wanted a cruise which turned into them wanting to planning a trip but I can live without it and have the rest of my life to have girls trips.
Post # 6
And if you do have your heart set on a trip, then I’m afraid you may have to just step up and tell them exactly when you want to go and where you want to go to help them along, it sounds like, jus tto get everyone on the same page
Post # 7
Maybe a trip is too much for some/everyone? If I were Maid/Matron of Honor, I may be delaying instead of admitting that I couldn’t afford it :/ I would maybe scale down your party wishes a little bit to just a night out or an overnight trip.
Post # 8
@hotchildinthecity: Its not even that its too much or financial. Everyone knew the possibility of a cruise or trip was going to happen so everyones been budgeting themselves. Its that they can’t agree on something at all.
Yeah I think I might veer them into the direction of something on a smaller scale. I know they are going to try and talk me out of it and I know that if they do decide not to do a trip I honestly would be disappointed. But I would rather be disappointed not doing a trip than having to deal with their childish crap
Post # 9
@superh2ogirl: I don’t think it matters if they knew, I personally would not want to spend a lot of money on a bachelorette weekend/trip.
I think you maybe just need to re-group. Get the girls together for dinner or lunch and let them know what you would like, that way it’s all out in the open in front of everyone.
Your wedding, like mine, is in September, there’s still plenty of time to figure it out and plan everything. I get that it may take a bit of time to get everyone to agree but really it shouldn’t take longer than a few hours or research.
Post # 10
@Ms. Martian: I appreciate the response… totally get that not everyone would want to spend money on a trip or weekend getaway but that’s not really the issue at hand. Its not that people don’t want to or can’t afford it, its that the cannot agree on something.
Thanks for the reassurance about the time. 🙂
Post # 11
Or perhaps the issues stem from the fact that one or the other can’t afford the cruise and doesn’t know how to tell you, so she’s delaying planning it. Just a thought.
Regardless, i think you should stay out of it. Tell them you’re ok with a night out in your city or surrounding area, and let them handle it. Their issues should remain between the two of them, there is no reason for you to have to get involved.
Post # 12
Wowza, scale down to an overnight or even a night out.
At first you stated you stated that you “really wanted a cruise to Mexiso…”
Then…you said you were ok with a smaller scale event. But then…in a subsequent post you admitted that it would bother you. You admitted that if “they decide not to do a trip, I’ll be disappointed…”
First off, get honest with yourself, will it bug you, or not?? You seem confused about that.
Second of all, I’m counting, A Maid/Matron of Honor (friend), 2 BMs (sisters) and you then talked about “other friends”, I’m going to be rational and assume there are only 2 since that is the mimium for the use of a plural noun.
Would you be willing to shell out for a CRUISE everytime one of them got engaged? That is 6 cruises, 6 girls-only cruises using up time you could be spending with your SO. I’m not just talking money, I’m talking about precious, precious vacation time. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m now working full time and vacations are hard to come by, not to mention finances. Maybe consider that at least a couple of your attendants may all want to get married in the next 3 yrs, thats AT LEAST 2 or 3 more cruises at the minimum. That is if they deserve the same style bachelorette as you do?
I think the hesitation is self-explanatory. Sorry to be blunt, I want you to be happy. You deserve a beautiful wedding, a perfect day & a fabulous honeymoon but to be “disappointed” b/c your bachelorette party is not a mexican cruise? Sweetie, you wanted our opinion and I’m sure that you have dreamed of these events your whole life, but that sounds kind of selfish.
Post # 13
@MaggieF: Thanks Maggie 😉
@MaggieF: Although I appreciate your response, blunt doesn’t even begin to describe it.
You’re right about one thing though. Maybe I should figure out what I want and what would disappoint me and what I’m okay with and not okay with… but the cruise/trip idea is not something that I demanded nor requested. I’m not a sellfish person to say the least. All I ever said to my ladies is that I had the BEST time at another girlfriends bachelorette cruise and THEY are the ones who thought that a cruise would be an awesome experience… not just for me, but for them as well. So yes, it sounded like fun… and yes, it something I wanted but does that mean I can’t be confused?
And… I’m not sure how familiar you are with 3-day Mexico Cruises from Los Angeles, CA. It’s not an extravanagant 2 week cruise cross country. Mexico is just about a 3-4 hour drive from us. This is not a $5000 trip nor is it long and time consuming. It’s a WEEKEND trip. It’s no different than a weekend in vegas which is quite quite common in the United States.
And for the record since you asked… yes, if any of my 6 closest friends wanted to do a small weekend trip or cruise I would save my money and be there for every one of them. Because if that’s what they want and they want me there, then that’s what i’m going to give them.
So once again, I appreciate your response and I can appreciate that you want me to be happy but I think you should ask a few more questions before you JUDGE someone when they are just asking for a little feedback. I never asked anyone to desribe what they THINK I AM in this situation. What did you call me? Sellfish right? That to me, was rude and not just “blunt”.
Post # 14
I personally think that if you want to do something specific (and if it’s reasonable for your girls), you should just step up, do some research, send out an email with some options to everyone, and get the girls excited about it. Once they see that you’re excited about something, they will more likely want to get involved in the planning. That way you are involved and can help in the decision making and can move things along when needed versus just waiting for someone to suggest/do something.
I’m doing a bachelorette trip/girls weekend as well. At this point, 3 of my 4 girls have confirmed and we are going to open it up to a bunch of other friends as well. The fourth Bridesmaid or Best Man cannot make it due to health and financial reasons, but I’m going to spend some one-on-one time with her before the wedding.
Post # 15
@HereWeGo: Thanks for your response. Definitely something I will think about. Glad to know I’m not the only one who considered a weekend trip.
Post # 16
I say go small scale. It’s obvious by your post that you care a lot about these people so why not enjoy those relationships and avoid all the additional drama that is sure to come if you still plan a trip. My friends and I did a spa day but mostly because I am a picky bride. I decided to avoid tha drama you were talking about and prep for the wedding day with our bachelorette party. I have always wanted laser hair removal for my underarms so we visited a medical spa in the area and I had my underarms and bikini line done in time for the wedding and honeymoon. It was a great way to treat myself to something I have always wanted to do but have a good time doing it with my friends (without the drama). And my Maid/Matron of Honor is planning her wedding and wants to do the same thing – goes to show how much fun it was. And for ours we had a little menu my friends could choose from – which included food and drinks, services, and beauty products. You can see a list of possible services here (http://www.jdvmedspa.com/med-spa-services ) -this was the spa we visited.
This will be a special memory for you – avoid the drama and look into something small scale like a spa day. Hope this helps and remember relationships mean more than anything.