(Closed) I feel let down by MOH and BM…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

aw I’m so sorry! This is really terrible 🙁 Are there other friends who you can enjoy the last stages of planning with?

I can kind of relate to some of what you’re saying. I put so much time and energy into planning all the showers and bachelorette party for my friend when she got married 5 years ago, and now that its my turn she didn’t even remember that I was engaged…. sometimes I feel like no one really cares about me at all. We only got ONE card congratulating us on our engagement too… is that just not done anymore?

Post # 5
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

That really sucks. You and your Maid/Matron of Honor could’ve helped each other through tough times, but she doesn’t seem very considerate of you. I would accept help from the friends who’ve offered. It could be fun. Do you have friends at work or anything? The girls at work took me out to afternoon tea, and one of them even went with me to my dress fittings. My Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs all lived in a different state, and I always felt like I was missing out on some of the fun, girly wedding planning stuff (not because they didn’t care, but because they were far away). I bet there’s someone other than your Fiance out there who can be excited about your wedding plans. Just have fun with them and ignore your lame BMs.

Post # 6
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry! I wish she was a better friend to you. She should be there for you at all cost. Have you considered asking another friend to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and just have her be just a bridesmaid.  You deserve much better! 

My friends have been great! The only hard thing is all my bridesmaids live in Wis. so I can’t go out and plan with them that much as I’d like but their there when they can. My mom, she very realistic and doesn’t get as excited as I would like her to be.  So, I feel you being left the only one trying to plan when you want others to share the moment with you.  Hang in there, your not alone~!  

Post # 8
Member
441 posts
Helper bee

@NYshoppingirl: You’re welcome. Also, there are hundreds of girls on the Bee who would love to hear about your plans and help you out. I know it’s not the same as having a real person with you to help, but at least it’s a support system.

Post # 9
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m so sorry! I’ve kind of been in the same situation, but at least my sister threw me a great shower. And now that we’re right about to get married, my other Maid/Matron of Honor seems remorseful for not being there more, and people finally seem a little excited for us. I had multiple breakdowns over no one being excited or interested in our wedding- it really sucks. But in the end all you can do is think “It doesn’t matter what anyone says or thinks, it’s our day, and we’re getting MARRIED!”. Because that’s what everythings really all about 🙂

Post # 10
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m so sorry this is happening.  I think you need to start being more clear about what you want and go after it!  If they aren’t going to make your time special, do something!  I think you should sit down with your Maid/Matron of Honor and tell her how you feel like you’ve wanted to spend more time with her planning your wedding.  Also, that you’ve always been there for her and you want her here for you.  Just be careful to not get mean or caddy!  With the sister, there isnt much you can do.  I wouldnt expect much from her given that she is kind of a default Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Include her on everyhting.  My advice is to try and start planning things together with your BMS.  Its not too late to have a good experience.

Post # 11
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

That really sucks. :/ My former best friend was this way as well – if it wasn’t about her, it didn’t matter. And that didn’t become as glaringly obvious to me UNTIL it was time to plan HER wedding. She wanted to get married on my birthday…….. no joke.Some people are just too self-centered to be there for others.

All of us on the bee would love to hear about your wedding and I, for one, respect the hell out of your Fiance. I have several cousins still deployed.

Post # 12
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wow, I would be upset too. Not even remembering the wedding date? “Welcome to married life”? It sounds like she’s projecting her bitterness over her own relationship problems onto your upcoming marriage.

I second mmbar’s good advice. Hope things get better for you!

Post # 14
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@NYshoppingirl: Yeah that’s kind of the case with that friendship. There was no big falling out, I just stopped putting in the effort. And she never had, so that worked out. We talk once a year maybe? It’s sad to lose a friendship, but honestly I don’t regret letting that one go.

You are stronger than most and deserve every bit of respect. I’m sure that is very hard and in many cases, people can’t relate to it. I will say that one of my happiest couple-friends did that, and I think they appreciate being together more than some of my other friends.

Post # 15
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That’s why I appreciated weddingbee so much during the last phases of planning. Nobody seemed really interested in the wedding planning and my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor were no help what-so-ever.  At the time I kinda figured it was because it wasn’t the first wedding for either of us and because we are older. But apparently the modern concept of what it means to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor has chnged drastically since the time of my first wedding and most seem to think brides should be thankful to have BMs and MOH  just show up on the wedding day dressed and ready to go. You have my sympathies!

Post # 16
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

*Big hug* So sorry to hear you’re going through all of that. I second the sharing on Weddingbee. Very supportive, and since a lot of us are going through planning ourselves, there are people that are actually INTERESTED in all the tiny details it feels silly to talk about with others. Also, I bet there are some other bees in this situation! Good luck and another virtual hug!

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