(Closed) MOH and Bridesmaid troubles..

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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futuremrsnaylor0818 :  What do you mean “give her all”? What exactly are you expecting?

Post # 3
Member
7519 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Are you actually close to either of these people? 

Post # 4
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

If there was snt one who you are sper close to I’d have them both as bridesmaids. 

And regardless of whether they are bridesmaid or Maid/Matron of Honor, those positions are meant to be because you create about them and not because you think they’ll work for you.

Post # 5
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

do you need the title of MOH?  Not sure if any of them are that close and I amnot sure yuou need such labels.

Post # 6
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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futuremrsnaylor0818 :  I agree with chris4, I don’t see anything wrong with just having both as bridesmaids if you’re unable to decide. Are you wanting extra help which is why you want a MOH? I think nicely asking bridesmaids for the help you need should do the job. I know from experience that the title of “MOH” doesn’t necessarily mean they will “give it their all,” even if they’ve accepted that role 

Post # 7
Member
4767 posts
Honey bee

Just make them both bridesmaids and call it a day.

Also confused why getting married means someone is incapable of buying a dress or walking a straight line one day many months later.  Or why someone needs to “give her all” for someone else’s wedding.  She’s not responsible for anything besides standing next to you.  You and your Fiance plan your wedding, she’ll plan hers.  If you need help, hire a planner.  If she doesn’t want to host any pre-wedding parties for you, then you just don’t have them or someone else might offer.  Just pick based on who you want standing next to you day of.

Post # 8
Member
30388 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like others, I am not sure what you mean by “give her all”. Other than showing up at the wedding, all other activities are purley optional. 

You might read lists of Maid/Matron of Honor duites on other websites, but you need to remember the source when you do so. These sites focus on their advertisers and ways to convince brides to spend money.

As a bride, you can make it easier for your BM’s, especially out of state ones, with your choices. Tell them you are fine with them wearing any dress in a certain color, for example. Tell them you do not expect nor want them to travel or host a shower or bachelorette. Your local friends and family can do that if they choose.

Post # 9
Member
13556 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The role of Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man is an honor, not a job description. Anything your friend or future SIL chooses to do in the way of pre-wedding events or assistance is not only strictly optional and voluntary but should not be expected.

Literally the only thing they have to do is stand up in support on your wedding day in a dress you all agree on.  

Post # 10
Member
2818 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Add me to the list of people that are confused by “giving her all.” What is there to give? She has to buy a dress and show up on the day. She literally has no other duties. Pre-wedding events are completely optional and she is not responsible for planning your wedding. I’m also confused why you would even want your FIs friend’s finance or your sil as your Maid/Matron of Honor if you don’t even really know them? 

Post # 11
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

neither of those two sound like good options if you need a bridesmaid who will do stuff for you

Post # 12
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

I think we all are perplexed by “giving it her all” I think a lot depends in fairness to the bride as what you expect from your wedding party. Traditionally the wedding party was also responsible for doing a lot more. I am of the mind that a good friend/family member who is helping out the wedding and thus showing friendship, loyalty and pure kindness maybe should be rewarded with a spot. I think it is rather sad that the “first runner up” to a wedding party spot ends up as mc or very popular now is as the unpaid day coordinator/wedding director. It is a big step from standing up with flowers and posing for photos versus running afer screaming kids and try to fix a fallen arch or what to do with three unexpected guests. Iam certainly not saying a wedding party member shoud be based on usefulness only but that can be party of the ‘criteria’. Really there aren’t many expectiations for wedding party members otherr than wearing the selected clothes, sowing up on tie for rehearsal and the wedding, trying to walk the walkk and stand where told too and maybe give a brief speech.

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