(Closed) MoH and ex bf

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ha, well I am not yet engaged but I already know my bf is against all exs coming to the wedding, even friends (except the one under odd circumstances).  We’ve actually seriously argued over this one, because I would want to invite a particular friend-ex.

Wait on the wedding, you have time.  SmileyD has some good questions to consider.  I think you are not obligated to invite him, but if you don’t, you need to sit Maid/Matron of Honor down and talk to her about the why and find out who she wants to invite instead.  But…have you tried talking to the Maid/Matron of Honor in general about the new bf to say how worried you are on her behalf (and how uncomfortable it makes you)?  It sounds like your relationship with her may change based on this decision to date the stalker-ex.

Post # 18
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am thinking back to my ex bf who turned creepy stalker and even if my best friend in the world was dating him he wouldn’t be allowed near my wedding… I think it is just a bad idea to invite him.

Post # 19
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Isn’t there a “don’t date your friend’s ex” rule??

I don’t think a close friend, especially your Maid/Matron of Honor, should date any of your exs.

So I am not sure what advice to give you.

Post # 20
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee

@SoontobeMsL: Agreed. Is no one else weirded out that the Maid/Matron of Honor decided to date the bride’s stalker ex? 

We don’t know details, but it doesn’t sound appetizing on the surface.

Post # 21
Member
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

another confusing thread. 

how recently did you date him? and why would your ex date him if he is a stalker? why would she date him at all considering that he is your ex and he and you ended so badly?

Post # 22
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have an almost similar situation, but I have unfortunately taken care of it already… I asked my (former) best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, she accepted and then immediately started going out of her way to hang out with my ex and his girlfriend… They had hung out in the past but it wasn’t enough to bother me. but it was like as soon as I started planning my wedding she was always with them and wouldnt give me the time of day especially if it were the weekends (which is the only time I have off of work) I didn’t say anything for a few months hoping it was only a phase and then it reallly started to bother me. I had hinted and confronted her about the situation nicely and she just didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. It wouldn’t have been a big deal but I was with the guy for 4 years and I lost “everything” with him. The exes gf would always message me stupid comments on facebook and I would never respond just because I’m not friends with her, I don’t know her and just because we share mutual friends didn’t mean we were automatically friends. The girlfriend finally crossed the line and I told my former MOH/best friend that I couldn’t take it any more.. we are no longer friends, it ended badly, but I did still send her a save the date and plan on sending her an invitation. It sucks because we were close for years and I feel like when I needed her the most she threw away our friendship for both of ours pasts. I miss her like hell but I feel disrespected. For this reason my fiance and I will not be having a Maid/Matron of Honor or Best man. OUCH! I couldn’t imagine my Maid/Matron of Honor dating my ex! She wouldn’t have even been considered to be a part of my wedding! unless everyone was super mature about it, but I’m afraid that would deffffffinitely bother my fiance to the max and I wouldn’t be comfortable whatsoever

Post # 23
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I definitely think you can say “no exes at the wedding,” but maybe if they’re still together you could allow your Maid/Matron of Honor to bring someone else as her guest, so she’s not the only one without a dance partner.

Post # 24
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I really think more information is needed- most importantly, did you sleep with him? If you slept with him I can totally see gently telling her he’s not invited because you don’t want to make your Fh uncomfortable (I wouldn’t want someone my husband slept with at our wedding).

 If it was a short relationship, you were young, and nothing happened I can see tolerating him for an evening. You probably won’t even notice he’s there.

Post # 25
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t invite unless that are an established couple and have been dating a good while. And like others said it might run its course all by itself.

Its pretty strange she’s with your stalker ex. I can only assume she knows all of that and it surprises me that she would still date him. Plus, HELLO he’s your ex!

Post # 26
Bee
6474 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

That’s awkward. Does she KNOW the past between you guys?

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