Post # 1
I will try to keep this post as short as possible. I am wodering if I should consider replacing my Maid/Matron of Honor while I still have time. I am just looking for advice.
She has not been involved in my wedding planning at all. She is my only Bridesmaid or Best Man and I was hoping that she would be more supportive. She didn’t help me look or even share my excitement over finiding a venue, instead she keeps telling me what she will do so much different at her wedding (she isn’t engaged). She did not come dress shopping with me, but I went with her at least 5 times, until she bought a dress without even asking me what I think about it. Just purchased it and then informed me. That was hurtful to me since I had asked her only two things: to stick to the color and show me the dress before she buys and she had all the freedom to chose what she likes and feels confident wearing.
She did not want me to have a bridal shower, saying that I do not need one,( she denies it now). She had me host it and said that it was my parents job to organize one for me. To be fair, she did help a lot with the food and decor, but then broght her children to the shower and ignored everyone ( although we had delayed the shower so it can be on a day that works with her babysitter).
The bachelorette party will now be planned by me.
She just informed me that she will not attend the rehearsal. She has been very unreliabe and now I am afraid that she may not show up at the wedding. I may sound unreasonable, but I do have that on the back of my mind. I feel as she avoids involvement on purpose, with a very negative attitude and I have been nothing but understanding to her.
Should I find someone as a back up? How do I approach this situation.
Thank you very much in advance
Post # 3
I personally think you should pick a different person. I would bear in mind that our hopes for what a bridesmaid or maid of honor might do don’t equate to what the person OUGHT to do. I think a lot of people put a lot of stock in having certain people as bridesmaids. I personally think that if it’s not working for you, it’s okay to ask her to step down. I also don’t think brides should get super fussy and act as if they’ve been treated super unjustly when another person just doesn’t want to be as involved as the bride wants them to be. You can be polite about it, you can also be really kind about it, and still honestly say that you were hoping for a litlte more involvement, and the fact that she hasn’t been as involved as you’d like doesn’t meant that she sucks or that she isn’t a good friend – it just means that you have differing ideas of the role. And you don’t want your hopes or expectations to make her feel over worked or under appreciated or to have it put a strain on your friendship. A lot of people might disagree with me though – I think I’ve seen several posts along the lines of “asking someone to step down is really rude and really drastic and will end your friendship”. I don’t think it needs to be that serious. Either she needs to put more effort into what you’d like done, or you need to lower your expectations. Good luck!
Post # 4
Oh, I just saw the poll you added – I think you should make a decision. I wouldn’t personally keep the original girl and have a back up just in case she doesn’t show up. Either I would stick with the original girl, or I’d ask someone else. The in between might be really difficult for everyone involved.
Post # 5
I think it would be a little rude to drop her entirely. Is there a possibility of adding a bridesmaid? So you have two attendants? Then, if she doesn’t turn up you have someone, but if she does you wont have offended anyone.
Post # 6
No you should not have a backup you should have someone who you trust and will do the things needed from a Maid/Matron of Honor. The girls seems to be going aginst your wishes so if you don’t feel comfortable with her or feel like she won’t even show up you need to REPLACE her, not have a back-up.
I do not think she is obligated in throwing you a shower and a B-party, that is just too much to ask from one person to do alone since you don’t have any other BMs.
I think I’d be livid if someone asked me to be a “back-up” in case my original didn’t show.