(Closed) MOH back up?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I have a back-up MOH ready in case my current one doesn't show up on wedding day?
    Yes : (4 votes)
    50 %
    No : (4 votes)
    50 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I personally think you should pick a different person.  I would bear in mind that our hopes for what a bridesmaid or maid of honor might do don’t equate to what the person OUGHT to do.  I think a lot of people put a lot of stock in having certain people as bridesmaids.  I personally think that if it’s not working for you, it’s okay to ask her to step down.  I also don’t think brides should get super fussy and act as if they’ve been treated super unjustly when another person just doesn’t want to be as involved as the bride wants them to be.  You can be polite about it, you can also be really kind about it, and still honestly say that you were hoping for a litlte more involvement, and the fact that she hasn’t been as involved as you’d like doesn’t meant that she sucks or that she isn’t a good friend – it just means that you have differing ideas of the role.  And you don’t want your hopes or expectations to make her feel over worked or under appreciated or to have it put a strain on your friendship.  A lot of people might disagree with me though – I think I’ve seen several posts along the lines of “asking someone to step down is really rude and really drastic and will end your friendship”.  I don’t think it needs to be that serious.  Either she needs to put more effort into what you’d like done, or you need to lower your expectations.  Good luck!

    Post # 4
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Oh, I just saw the poll you added – I think you should make a decision.  I wouldn’t personally keep the original girl and have a back up just in case she doesn’t show up.  Either I would stick with the original girl, or I’d ask someone else.  The in between might be really difficult for everyone involved.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4361 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    I think it would be a little rude to drop her entirely.  Is there a possibility of adding a bridesmaid?  So you have two attendants? Then, if she doesn’t turn up you have someone, but if she does you wont have offended anyone.

    Post # 6
    Member
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    No you should not have a backup you should have someone who you trust and will do the things needed from a Maid/Matron of Honor.  The girls seems to be going aginst your wishes so if you don’t feel comfortable with her or feel like she won’t even show up you need to REPLACE her, not have a back-up. 

    I do not think she is obligated in throwing you a shower and a B-party, that is just too much to ask from one person to do alone since you don’t have any other BMs.

    I think I’d be livid if someone asked me to be a “back-up” in case my original didn’t show. 

    The topic ‘MOH back up?’ is closed to new replies.

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