(Closed) MOH backed out..I'm so hurt I dont even want to talk to her!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly?  She doesn’t sound jealous.  She just doesn’t sound fake…

Post # 4
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@MissMudge:  Heres another thought: real friends just might decide that they cannot support your union when you are marrying someone they think is a no-goodnick. And so, they must step down.

We here on this website have no idea what is going on. It is dangerous for you to leap to a conclusion that “she is jealous.” That’s the easy way out. But it’s also dangerous for me to assume that she is not!

You can be hurt by her behavior. You can be puzzled. You can be conflicted as to if you can even be friends with her in the future. But you can’t call out someone for acting according to their ethical standards  and say that she must “stand up with you” when she has spoken of her “genuine concern” for your situation.

I do think that you raise a good point, though–what does “standing up” with someone at the alter really mean? Support for the union? Support for only one of the parties? I will be interested to see what others have to say.

And the thing about “uneven sides” is just silly. Sorry honey, it really is. If that is your main concern, I wonder about your priorities.

 

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

At least she told you she was stepping down! One of my best friends/bridesmaids just stopped talking to me before the wedding and didn’t show up at all.

I completely understand that this is hurtful and it sucks to be left in the lurch by a friend, but there’s not much you can do about it. She obviously doesn’t feel comfortable standing up for you on the day for some reason, so it’s unfair to force her to do it. If it helps at all, from what you’ve said, it sounds as though she thought about this a lot – if she had already forked out $200 for the dress, I don’t imagine she would have just changed her mind on the spur of the moment. This is obviously something she’s just not comfortable doing and you have every right to be upset about it, but then you’ve just got to move on and carry on with the wedding planning.

Post # 7
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissMudge:  So if she’s so jealous and backstabbing why would you even want her in the wedding? 

Post # 8
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@MissMudge:  That really sucks that she stepped down.  I can see why you are upset.  I think I would be hurt and blindsided too.

I think you should give it a few days. cool down and then invite her out to lunch and explain why your hurt, and what you think being a Bridesmaid or Best Man means. 

Post # 11
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissMudge:  Loyalty though? You said you think part of her problem is that you talked badly of your Fiance so often that now she doesn’t like him. And look how you’re slamming her on the board, basically calling her a bar star whore who is jealous of you. 

 

Loyalty means you don’t do those things. And being a friend doesn’t mean just blindly supporting friends when you genuinely believe they are making bad choices. You think she made bad choices but you never spoke up and now you’re mad that she didn’t do the same thing?

 

I am truly sorry a friendship is ending, but this is in no way a one sided issue. Even if she did end up bailing, it takes integrity to not stand up in a wedding you can’t 100% support. 

 

Post # 12
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee

As others have said, she must not be doing this lightly given she’s already spent money on the dress. 

I can think of reasons why she may have decided as this relatively late time that she can’t stand up and support the union.  None of them are likely to be the cause, but I can think of reasons. 

I understand being upset, but if she won’t tell you her reasons there really isn’t much to do about it.

Post # 14
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am sorry,that sucks! I would be pissed too! That is kind of disrespectful to you and your future husband. If she doesn’t support your choice, she should have told you way earlier, not at the last possible moment. And guess what? Even if she told you and you still went ahead with your wedding, as a true and “best” friend she should have been there to support you and share in the joy! That’s my opinion! 

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