- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
When I got engaged, Maid/Matron of Honor was my closest friend, having seen me through a bad marriage and the subsequent divorce. I saw her through her painful single years and we were both ecstatic when we both found amazing men to share our lives with. She was forced to marry on paper quickly because they are both military and one had orders. Then instead of getting to plan their ceremony, they got a surprise bundle of joy.
I am finding I can’t bring up my wedding around her. She has many rights to be apprehensive about her ceremony. People have given her a hard time about calling it a “wedding,” and so she callously calls it a vow renewal now, her family is estranged, her only father figure has long since passed away, and many of her friends are Atheist and she wants the ceremony to have religious undertones, and most importantly, they are fiscally conservative, seemingly to the extreme sometimes.
On top of my wedding, she has two other weddings to go to in the meantime before mine and her ceremony. The decision for her to be Maid/Matron of Honor was not a hard one, at the time. But now I just find myself hearing about how everything she wanted to do has been done, the other girls stole her ideas, she doesn’t know what to do, she doesn’t have a theme, she can’t spend money like everyone else–I mean, she seems to have become perfectly happy being miserable saving her money. I’m not going to go into the couple of snarky remarks she’s made about other things.
I’m not going to throw her out of the wedding. Once upon a time, she was my best friend, and told me she would do whatever I wanted…to add to my desire not to hurt her feelings, her husband is deployed (short-term, and I know, I am military myself and spent 10 months one year away from my husband, but even that can seem like a lot) and I’m trying to spend as much time with her as I can to help fill the void, because she is an extrovert and it is not in her nature to handle being alone well. I struggle with it because I only like to get out of my house on my terms, and I feel like a babysitter–but I’m her best friend, and I know her well, and I know I am helping her by just being there.
I have tried to help her with themes, centerpieces, bridesmaids dresses, etc. We have entirely different tastes, and everything I suggest is shot down (it doesn’t hurt my feelings, I probably shot down most of her suggestions for mine). I simply don’t have the energy to take care of it all for her while trying to take care of it all for mine too. I am trying to kick into high gear with my wedding, and she’s like sand in my gas tank. My solution will be to further tone down her involvement, to a bare minimum. It’s just a total bummer, and I’m just trying really hard not to get mad.