Post # 1
My Maid/Matron of Honor and her fiance are on the verge of calling it all off and breaking up, and I’m trying to figure out how best to be good to her while celebrating my own big day this summer. If I were her I wouldn’t want to see or hear a single thing about any weddings at a time like this! What should I do? Has anybody been through this? We’ve been planning our weddings together for months, and she’s definitely my best and closest friend. My fiance asked if she’d even want to be Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, and I definitely think she does. Beyond that I’m not quite sure how to balance being sensitive to her situation while I’m so excited about my own.
Post # 3
I think if she is your best friend, she will still want to be there for you. I think you should ask her how involved she wants to be. Let her know you still want her to be as much a part of the day as she feels up to, but if it is too hard to do specific things, you understand.
I know if I were in her shoes, I’d still want to be there for my friend, but I think it is nice you are sensitive to her needs, too.
Post # 4
I think the best thing to do is just to be a shoulder for her to cry on. If you too are that close, <span class=”Apple-style-span” style=”font-style: italic”>if she doesn’t want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, she’ll tell you. Besides, if you are that close, she’ll still want to do it.
I’d back off on the wedding talk for a while, maybe even wait for her to bring it up.
Post # 5
hi MVP, you are super sweet to be so concerned about her. I think the best thing for you to do is lay off the wedding talk until she gets her situation figured out (unless it’s somethign you need her to do specifically – get her dress altered etc. just keep the gushing to a minimum). Also, follow her lead. I’m sure she’ll let you know what she can handle and what she can’t.
I’ve known a couple of people who have called off a wedding or gotten divorced within the first 6 mos and they all seem to feel geniune relief once the shock and sadness have warn off. Mistakes get made and all we can do is learn from them. Try to help your Maid/Matron of Honor focus on the positive.
For some great insite on how fellow brides have handled their own break up read Ms Snap Dragon’s posts and Miss Fondue’s posts (under bloggers, other bloggers on the main page), Their engagements were broken off and they had a lot of great incite that your Maid/Matron of Honor would definitely benefit from.
Post # 6
Honestly, I would talk to her about it. Just keep an open line of communication with regard to her feelings, I think that will help. I was in a wedding last year in which one of the other BMs had been viciously dumped by her fiance just 4 months prior. The bride made sure to keep checking with her to see how she was feeling about various things. The bride was perfectly okay with this Bridesmaid or Best Man skipping her bachelorette party because it was a rough day for her that day in the healing process. She also encouraged this Bridesmaid or Best Man to invite a friend to the wedding so that she would have someone to talk to since the bride would be preoccupied. You’d be surprised at how strong friendship can make someone. The Bridesmaid or Best Man didn’t seem the tiniest bit upset on the day of the wedding and even stayed nearly to the end of the reception. We were all very surprised.
Post # 7
You are too sweet! I would be so happy if I were in her shoes and knew that my freind cared that much about the whole situation. I agre about trying to lay off wedding talk around her. If she wants to help you still she will bring it up. About the whole Maid/Matron of Honor thing. I’m thinking that she will still want to be in the wedding party, but all the same it may come down the the day of until she really knows how she will feel about it. Just be there for her. dont change anything unless she wants out. And if she is crying the day of know that she is still your best friend and be there for her the best you can, but be happy for yourself to. If she still wants to be in the wedding I am thinking that she will suck it up and get through the day for you, but she may need a pint of icecream and a good movie later.
Post # 8
Hey! This happened to me. Meaning, I was the one who was broken up with. Depending on how far away your wedding is really effects how to handle your friend’s situation. Here’s a little insight into her world if it happens: To be honest, the first 4 days are the absolute hardest; be there for her every step of those days and let her guide the conversation no matter how many times she talks about the same thing over and over again…. each week becomes easier there after.
As far as wedding talk and helping you with your’s: My fiance called off our engagement on a Friday, and that Saturday while I was out with my friends trying to cheer myself up, one of my best friends told me that he had purchased a ring for one of my best girlfriends. Well, it may have seemed a bit insensitive, BUT let me tell you it actually was a relief to see two people that it would work out for. And, helping people to plan their weddings was a welcome relief — not to mention it gave me so much opportunity to think of what my real dream wedding would be like and how I would do everything differently since I would no longer have to conform to the wants/moreso un-wants of a grouchy, nitpicking, all around miserable Fiance… who only became that way because things were falling apart between us.
Keep in mind the number four as you h elp her through this… I have heard many people that agree. First 4 days are the absolute hardest… first 4 weeks she’ll feel lost… first 4 months she’ll rebuild stronger than ever — when an engement is broken, there’s relief and no where to go but up. Best of luck to both you and her.
Post # 9
Thank you ladies! I really appreciate your advice and insight.