Post # 1
I honestly don’t know what to do. 🙁 I have an older sister who is ‘distant’ emotionally and lifestyle-wise from me whom my mother wants to ask to my my Maid/Matron of Honor… and I feel right asking, yet I know she doesn’t even like me that much or would be thrilled about being in the wedding. I feel I may offend her or my family if I DON’T ask her, so much so that I have considered not having a wedding party at all. EXCEPT for the fact that I want my close girl friends in the wedding with me.
I could ask one of them to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but don’t know how that would go since they all live far from me. One girl I have known for a while and is friends with all my other girlfriends and would do a great job…. the other, Krissy (let’s call her), is completely outside my usual friend group but I have known her the longest. She would also do a great job.
I could ask them both to be bridesmaids… but isn’t that weird with no MOH? I don’t feel like one of my friends would be a better choice over the other…. I absolutely have no idea what to do with my sister though! 🙁
Should I ask her even if I know that right now, I don’t want to? I just don’t want to cause her to drift further away from me due to this… but I also don’t want her in charge of planning the parties, etc if she hardly knows me and hasn’t taken the time to talk to me over the past year or two.
Post # 3
I would say maybe have no Maid/Matron of Honor. And just have them stand in height order in the ceremony. OR choose whoever you want. Its your day and do what you want. I was in a wedding where the sister of the bride was 4th in line bridesmaid. And she was totaly ok with it, since they weren’t that close.
Post # 4
I wasn’t going to have a Maid/Matron of Honor at all except that my priest asked me who it would be so they could sign as a witness.
But other than that, I want the women standing closest to me on that day to be the ones who support me the most and are truly happy for me. I know I can’t get that from my sister (she’s admitted she’ll be jealous) so I haven’t asked her to be in my bridal party. But I’m having her do my invitations and hoping she’ll throw a shower even though she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
I don’t think it has to be up to the BMs to throw the parites. And even if it is, you can suggest certain people handle different things. If it would be worth more to keep the peace, maybe ask your sister to stand up, but ask one friend to be in charge of the shower and the other to do the bachelorette (or whatever).
My bridesmaids aren’t all local, but honestly, I haven’t really asked them to do much other than show up at the rehearsal and ceremony!
Post # 5
I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor because I didn’t want to choose between the friend I could ask and the relative I could ask, I’m just having four BMs. Sounds like that’s probably the best solution for you too,
Post # 6
In the uk we call these “Chief Bridesmaids” rather than Maid of Honour, but it’s the same thing I think lol.
I was thinking of not having a Chief Bridesmaid in case anyone got upset but I think now I am going to choose my sister in law, not because I’m closer to her (I’m closer to my others actually) but because she is helping me the most with the wedding planning and it’s my way of thanking her.
What I would suggest for your situation is one of two things: either have no Maid/Matron of Honor at all OR possibly see if you can get your sister to be involved in the planning of your wedding (if you think this is possible). Not only will this perhaps build up your relationship, but it would also be a good reason to appoint her Maid/Matron of Honor.
These are just suggestions though, I’m sure others have some amazing ideas 🙂
Post # 7
Your wedding, your day. Who cares what your mother thinks? I would NOT allow someone who isn’t there for me to stand beside me on one of the most treasured days of my life.