MOH bringing gf to bachelorette

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see the issue of bringing her. It’s up to her to manage her own addictions and recovery and say No to alcohol and drugs. I’d expect you wouldn’t offer her a drink knowing she’s a recovering alcoholic but that’s about it.

I think you just don’t like her and that’s ok but I would let her come to bachelorette. Maid/Matron of Honor is right, what’s she suppose to do by herself? Not like she’ll get invited to the bachelor party… 

Post # 3
Member
392 posts
Helper bee

Personally I think disliking her is enough reason.  Any of the three you listed are as well.  Taken all together, it’s a big NO.  Tell her “no dates allowed.”

 Edit:  I missed the part about staying alone in the hotel.  She’s an adult, she can figure it out.  I assume she’s spent time on her own before.

Post # 4
Member
2719 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
holisticbabe :  I’ve always thought that the bachelorette party is meant for the bride + her closest friends. It does not sound like you like MOH’s Girlfriend much but… is she an integral part of the friend group that may be a hard one. I definitely would not want couples there (unless they were a solid part of the friend group as previously stated) as I feel like there is more potential for drama.

As far as her sobriety goes… it is for her to decide if this is something she can handle. I have a few recovering friends who can go out and party with the best of them and maintain their sobriety. 

Post # 5
Member
357 posts
Helper bee

Substance abuse issues aside, if her gf were also your friend, I could see it being acceptable, however, since it appears she is not, I think bringing a SO is weird, even if she happens to be the same sex. But I think the history of substance abuse is the real dealbreaker. Honestly, I think it’s a little irresponsible for your Maid/Matron of Honor to even suggest it- not for the sake of your party, but for the sake of her gf’s health. 

My question is why will her gf even be in a hotel to begin with? Why is she not just staying home? Or is your bach party the same weekend as your wedding?

Post # 6
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
holisticbabe :  It’s no different than someone who is invited to the party leaving their boyfriend at the hotel. Just because it’s her GIRLfriend doesn’t make it immediately acceptable. And there’s these things called taxis and uber and walking, so it’s not like the gf is chained to the bed in the hotel room. I don’t think you’re overreacting and wouldn’t invite her either. 

Post # 10
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020 - Windermere, Cumbria

Nah yeah, if she’s not your close friend or part of the friendship group then, as an adult, she is perfectly capable of spending the evening alone. 

Post # 11
Member
9388 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
holisticbabe :  when I stay alone in a hotel I watch Netflix, hang out on the WB, and eat take out.  Since she needs ideas…

If the other girls can’t invite their SOs I don’t see why your Maid/Matron of Honor can insist you invite hers. I’d let my husband stay in the room alone if it were my friend’s party.  

Just know your Maid/Matron of Honor may decide she doesn’t want to attend the pre-events, if you enforce this.

Post # 12
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
holisticbabe :  I wouldn’t have invited the partner either but if Maid/Matron of Honor insists it might cause drama or she just wouldn’t attend, if you’re ok with dealing with that then sure. For me I’d probably avoid the drama and just allow her to come.

I know bachelorette parties traditionally have been close friends only, but in the last few I’ve seen / been to involved basically all the ladies from both sides of the family (some even older relatives), especially where the people had travelled to the destination for the wedding (and bachelorette is held at the same place). Of course it’s up to you if you want to keep it to close friends only. Perhaps you could consider having a component or the day or night that’s close friends only then expand it to include more “other friends/ladies”? That’s what I plan to do for mine, a day of quality time with close friends then invite the ladies from FH side to join us for dinner and drinks and anyone else who expressedly want to come (like people I wouldn’t invite but I wouldn’t say no).

Post # 13
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Nope she is not your friend, so she shouldn’t be invited. This is no different than leaving a boyfriend behind. If this girl is an adult, she should be more than capable of entertaining herself for an evening. 

Post # 15
Member
1171 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
holisticbabe :  Ok now that paints a more complete picture for me. So ladies from your FH side are invited too, I would assume that yes you like them but they’re not in your “close friends group”? I feel like maybe your Maid/Matron of Honor feels her partner is excluded? Maybe she distinctly feels your dislike for her partner?

I mean of course you can just tell her sorry partners aren’t invited as is with all the other ladies attending the bachelorette but I feel like her insistence might be pointing to a deeper cause.

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