(Closed) MOH cancelled my bridal shower

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

A bridal shower IS supposed to be a family gathering. I see this as a huge let down on her part, if she did not want the responsiblity, she should have stepped aside from the beginning and let someone else plan the shower. If my Maid/Matron of Honor did this to me, I don’t know if I could have her in my wedding, because it seems like she is not reliable or interested in being a part of it. 

You are not overreacting, you should be angry and have the right to be upset. I would confront her and ask her if she wants to continue to be in the wedding or if you don’t think you can let her, tell her. 


Post # 3
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Katie1992:  Since she has cancelled three money sucking events have you considered that she is having financial troubles and is too embarrassed to tell you?


Post # 4
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If this were my best friend/MOH, I would talk to her. I’d ask her what was going on & what was bothering her. Like @j_jaye said, I’d ask if she is having money problems or if there was some other issue. 

If she won’t talk to you about it, that’s a big problem. If she will, you guys can probably figure something out. But until you talk, it’s going to bother you. (And, if I were you, I’d worry she’d back out of the wedding last minute, too.) 

Post # 5
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think you should tell her how you feel.  You have every right to be angry.  I think the “it has turned into a family gathering” is an excuse because she dropped the ball and didn’t follow through.  Why? Who knows.  I think to send you an email is very cowardly.  At the very least she should have called you.  I’m sorry that this has happened you deserve better.  Perhaps just flat out ask her if she truly wants to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  It’s completely your right to ask someone else instead considering. 

Look since this has been organized and people have set aside the day… why don’t you call a your mom, BM’s and/or a couple of close friends?  Explain the situation and ask them to help you organize the shower.  I know that’s not the traditional way but so what? I don’t think you should let your Maid/Matron of Honor take away something that you’ve been looking forward to.  Can you find another location?  Maybe a family or friend can have it at their place? Instead of sending invites you could call or email people.  I’m sure if you put your heads together that you all can come up with a solution.  You have nothing to be embarrassed about your Maid/Matron of Honor let you down – not vice versa.  Your true friends will understand and be happy to help you with this.  I’m sure they will be angry when they find out what she’s done.  It sucks but sometimes people let us down – when they do IMO the best thing is to take matters into your own hands and make it happen.  I think you’ll feel better taking action rather than feeling like your Maid/Matron of Honor has runied this for you. 

Post # 6
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

No indeed not overreacting. What a stupid thing to say,  “turning into a family gathering ” And bleating “don’t hate me ‘ doesn’t help either !  I wonder what  her real reason is. Here in Australia, people who pull out of plans/dates/dinners etc , especially if they do  so at the last  minute are called ‘pikers’ and that is what your Maid/Matron of Honor sounds like, a thorough  piker. As such, nice person or not, she is not to be trusted with plans.  I’d do as smarie above suggests, and also, ask  another bm to do the shower (and be Maid/Matron of Honor  if you can ) .

Be best if you could un-MOH her,  she may well pike out of your wedding too  ! Like the   night  before.

Post # 8
1788 posts
Buzzing bee

She never sent invites?! RED FLAG!! between that and complaining about too many family members going (HELLO! it’s a shower not the bachelorette party!)- and considering she flaked on you for 2 other big events- I’d friend dump her! Why is she sabotaging you, does she like to see you disappointed? And what a coward to not even tell you in persin or a phone call, that says she has no remorse. This girl doesn’t have your best interest at heart and this is your wedding, this is all about you! Get that toxic “friend” out of your life. I vote DUMP!

Post # 9
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Living with her parents, spending tons of money on going out and expensive toys…to me that doesn’t say she is doing well, it says she might be in serious debt! Still not an excuse for cancelling on you via email, though. I’m sorry and I agree with PPs that you should reach out to friends/family if you really want a shower.

Post # 11
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m sorry she cancelled Bee. I think a heart to heart is in order. Just tell her how you feel and she what she has to say.in the meantime can someone else step in to throw it?

Post # 12
1167 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see the big deal.  So she cancelled.  She MIGHT be having money problems,  but it’s rude of anyone to just assume because she has money she HAS to spend it on your events.  Please, my purse will not revolve around you and your wedding.  

I would reach out to her and make her know that since most of the people EATING at this event is your family, that you would be willing to help her out financially.  If she still backs out, then just have one of your own family do it for you. 

I just don’t understand all this assumptions and ultimately judgments to people you call “best” friends.  If you’re so f*cling close then I don’t see why you can’t reach out to her and have a candid conversation instead of just talking to a bunch of Internet strangers.  


Post # 13
12320 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

As host, she had a right to her vision of this event, including making it an intimate friends shower if that’s what she wanted it to be. If she spends the way you say she does, it’s very possible that she’s overextended, even living at home. How do you know that her parents don’t charge her anything? 

Post # 14
90 posts
Worker bee

swirlyclover86:  You must not have read the part where the Maid/Matron of Honor offered to throw/host the shower. When you offer to throw an event such as a bridal shower you know that you are financially responsible for it.

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