Post # 76
I know how you’re feeling. My ex-BM was a mess of a human being, and I was sick of the way she was treating me. I had attempted multiple times to contact her, and I had tried to meet up with her on several occasions, and she slept through all our meetings and refused to come over once she’d woken up. So I just said “fuck it.” I sent her a letter basically telling her that she can’t treat me that way, and I’ve tried to be there for her. I wanted to salvage the relationship, but she needed to try harder.
Well, she’d gotten on Facebook every day since I’d sent her the Facebook message. Still she hadn’t read it. I knew she was wilfully not looking at it. So, I decided to give her one last shot, and I texted her and said “hey, I sent you a message on FB, if you could read it I would really appreciate it.”
She didn’t do it that day after work like she agreed she would. She didn’t look at it the next day. Then the day after that, I decided it was over between us. She wasn’t so busy she couldn’t update on Facebook, but she couldn’t just READ my message?
I told her it was over between us. She came back weeks later begging to be forgiven. I stupidly forgave her. We recently had our final split. She’d just entered this selfish place in life, and was forgoing all human morals to get what she wanted. I don’t have time for that in my life.
I also didn’t know if she was going to be a drunken mess at my wedding. I wasn’t convinced she wouldn’t spend the day on her phone texting other people. She just really showed me how important I was.
I tell you this to tell you, text her to tell her you sent her an email. Ask her to read it and, maybe reply tonight. If she doesn’t do that, then you have your answer. It sounds like she’s really selfish, and she’s not going to change. You don’t need to be worrying about your Maid/Matron of Honor really “being there” for your wedding. It’s too much stress.
Weddings can bring out the worst in people. I think this was good for me because it showed me who my toxic friend was, and how to get her out of my life.
Post # 77
Wow Im sad to read this update.
Something is clearly going on with your Maid/Matron of Honor that you don’t know about. Could it be some kind of jealousy because you’re getting Married? Or is she really clingy and doesn’t want to share you with others? Or does she not do well with not being the center of attention?
im just thinking if someone emailed me what you emailed her and it was just a misunderstanding, I’d definitely email back right away in order to clear it up. (Or CALL). But if I was already pissed about something else I’d probably just not respond…a at least right away.
I really find it baffling that your Maid/Matron of Honor couldn’t find 5 minutes to email you back. That would be the deal breaker for me. It’s obviously not a priority for her….which would make me nervous too!
Post # 78
Thanks, guys. I am so confused. I’ve played this over and over in mind and I can’t make sense of it. We hung out just a few days before she sent the email cancelling the shower. Everything was fine. We’ve been friends for 6 years… I can’t think of anything I’ve done wrong and I definitely don’t think I’ve been hard to deal with regarding the wedding. I mean, I’m not even asking my BMs to buy BMs dresses so they can save money
Post # 80
- She asked me about a location. I gave her a few free options, one of which was my backyard or the beach (we are on the coast).
- Nope, she just asked me to send her an invite list, so I did. She was going to do evites so it would be free.
- There were about 15 on the guest list, not including me or her.
- My family and FI’s family were always on the top of the guest list.
- N0 🙁 She never said anything. We had lunch just a few days before she cancelled the shower and we even talked about the shower and games.
I don’t know. I guess friendships change… This one just changed really fast and really unexpectedly at a really, really bad time.
Post # 81
Hm, that all sounds perfectly reasonable on your side. I’m just as baffled as you. Sorry no advice, but definitely some sympathy.
Post # 82
I think you need to start mentally preparing yourself to ask her to step down, or to end the friendship.
Post # 83
It sounds like your friend has problems going on that have nothing to do with you. If I were in your shoes, I would probably send her a final message letting her know that I was hurt by her lack of response, and considering her disappearance from my life and lack of communication, unfortunately the only choice is to pick a different Maid/Matron of Honor. I would wish her well and tell her I was sorry that it had to be like this.
Then I would pick myself up and get on with my own, happy life. Onward and upward!
Post # 84
I’m sorry to hear that your Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t responded to you. My feeling is that she doesn’t know what to say as you’ve been direct with her (which is good) so she’s advoiding you. It’s cowardly but that’s the way some people deal with things that are unpleasant. There’s nothing you can do and her actions have nothing to do with you.
Friendships do end, even long term ones, often without any apparent reason. Years ago, I was close friends (I thought) with someone I’d known since grade 2. For a few different reasons I decided that we were drifting apart. I didn’t even really end the friendship, I just stopped contacting her. The thing was she never tried to contact me again. Never asked why she hadn’t heard from me. Nothing. That was it. I was dissapointed and hurt. But I knew I’d been a good friend to her and I’d done nothing wrong. We can’t control other people. We can only control how we react to the situation.
As for having a small bridal party there’s nothing wrong with that. How many are now in your bridal party? I only had 3 in mine and one of them was my SIL. My hubbie had 3. My nephew was a ring bearer. That was it. I was only going to have 2 but my SIL asked if she could be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. A small bridal party isn’t a reflection of how many friends you have. Somtimes things come up and people can’t make it. Some just prefer something smaller.
My cousin was planning on having more groomsmen but 2 dropped out. His best man’s mother died a week before that wedding so he couldn’t make it. I can’t remember the reason for the other guy. These things happen. Personally, I liked having a smaller bridal party. The day of my wedding was so much more intimate. I had time to really talk to spend with all of them. Also, all of us hung out as a group. I really enjoyed it. No regrets. The day after the wedding 3 of us went out to dinner. It was one of the best memories I have of my wedding. IMO these big wedding parties I see with 6/7/8 on each side are ridiculous. Not only is it so much more work organizing but I don’t think large wedding parties look as good in the pics. Blue wedding party is mine. Other pic is large wedding party from the net. Thoughts?
Post # 85
Totally agree. I’m only having 4 BM’s and Fiance has his 5 brothers and a flower girl. I originally had 5 but my Maid/Matron of Honor and I had a huge falling out and aren’t friends anymore (much worse than your situation but I totally understand what you’re going through, OP). But the pictures really look sooo much better with smaller bridal parties! You can actually focus on the bride/groom and
notice everyone else. The larger parties just get lost in pictures. Just think of it this way, the smaller the brial party, the more time you’ll get to spend with them all. Wedding days are hectic as is, you don’t need 15 people running around you trying to keep everything together
Post # 86
Wow, that is so frustrating. She doesn’t seem very reliable or like even any kind of friend. I would contact her once more with a short deadline for her to respond, and if there’s no response, I would drop her from the bridal party. She’s clearly not into it anymore. You have lots of other things you can be working on besides her lack of friendship and respect.
It will be better to have a smaller bridal party than someone who will cause so much hassle and heartache.
Post # 87
Yep. If she can’t even be bothered to read her message, she definitely doesn’t need to be in the party. I actually would’ve already kicked her out, given what we’ve been told. Canceling a bridal shower for no really good reason is just low.