(Closed) MOH can’t/won’t be at my shower :)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I understand you’re disappointed- I really do. I had a bridesmaid who completely skipped out on my day before the wedding bridesmaid activities, and didn’t come to my rehersal dinner because her cousin was getting married that same night. It sucked, but you know what?

Bridesmaids/MOH are not there to do tasks. If all they end up being is a name in the program with a distinctive title next to them, then that’s all they are. I know that you’re probably more upset that she can’t be there at all, and I know you said that SHE is the one offering to do things, but I can’t help but think that there is definitely a part of you that thinks she isn’t pulling her weight as your Maid/Matron of Honor. The whole tone of your email suggests it. The fact that you even THINK she should step down suggests that you think your Maid/Matron of Honor is there to do things for you, instead of just have a place of honor at your wedding. She is not your wedding elf! She is your friend! There is no job description associated with being a Maid/Matron of Honor that has a list of duties!

Look, at least you’re getting a shower. Who cares who pays for it? And why does your MOHs name need to be on the invitation as host? Everyone is going to think that your mom is hosting the shower if it’s at your mom’s house and she is the one “hosting” it.Is there an auntie or someone else who can at least help your mom out?

It’s too bad that your Maid/Matron of Honor is going to miss out on the shower, but at least she will be there to stand by you at the wedding. Let it go, and for the love of god, try to not let this negatively affect your friendship any more than it already has. Be happy you are friends with someone who at least has their priorities in order- after all, family really should come first.

I’m really sorry, I’m sure people will flame me for being a little harsh, but I really think you need someone to kind of snap you back to reality and drop this whole idea that your Maid/Matron of Honor is there to do your bidding.

Post # 4
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wonder if she felt left out of the planning? You basically just asked her to show up right?  You may have the wrong idea, maybe she wanted to be involved or even in charge of the whole thing and you took that away from her?  I’ve had that happen to me before, I planned my sister-in-law’s whole wedding shower and at the last minute my mom asked two of her friends to host it (no clue why..) and they basically took it and ran with it…everything I had planned was forgotten about, I basically showed up and had to disguise my hurt feelings when everyone gushed about their house and the food etc.  I was totally crushed, so maybe it’s not that she doesn’t want to be involved, but that she does…

Post # 6
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

well if she’s asking you to let her step down unfortunately you can’t force her.  I’m sorry this is happening to you.  I had to let a Maid/Matron of Honor go and it was pretty painful, so I know what it feels like to lose that

Post # 8
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

Was she aware that her sister was getting married around the time of your shower?

If she did, then that’s pretty crappy of her to offer her help and then take it back. It has nothing to do with her “MOH duties”. Its called being a dependable person. When you offer your help, you give it.

 

 

Post # 10
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Ms. Martian:  thanks funny, when i saw the title, i read it as ๐Ÿ™

that does totally suck about your Maid/Matron of Honor  ๐Ÿ™   I would probably still be unable to actually say “you’re no longer my MOH”, i would put it back on her and say something like “i understand how busy you are, but the main reason I asked you to be Maid/Matron of Honor is because you are one of my closest friends. If you truly feel you cannot be Maid/Matron of Honor, I won’t hold it against you and so you are free to step down, but it is your choice whether you do so or not…as I cannot ask you not to be my MOH”

Post # 11
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It sounds like she wanted to be involved but may feel as if she has been pushed/left out of the planning. Call her, DON’T email, ask her if she still wants to/is able to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. Decide on another date for your shower.

The topic ‘MOH can’t/won’t be at my shower :)’ is closed to new replies.

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