Post # 1
I am getting married in August and it’s going to be a destination wedding in Europe. My one close friend who I wanted to have as my Maid/Matron of Honor can’t afford to come, so knowing this ahead of time I didn’t want to put her in an awkward situation by asking her. Therefore, my next in line is also a close friend and she was very happy to be apart of our day (at least at the time I asked her).
Fast forward a few months….my Maid/Matron of Honor has been acting very strange and its leading me to believe that she is a bit jealous, which i a refusing to actually accept. I am not really one of those wedding absorbed brides who just talks about wedding this and wedding that but I feel like I cant talk about anything wedding associated because she becomes very withdrawn and is always changing the subject in an annoyed kind of way. I feel like Im missing out a bit on the planning and having my best gfs be a part of that 🙁 I am sharing everything with my friend who was supposed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is truly happy for me but I am being reserved about sharing too much with her too because she won’t be able to be there. My current Maid/Matron of Honor is single and she has become very bitter and opinionated about men and I think feels like everyone is getting married around her and having babies and here she is, still alone but I can’t help it if I am happy…..its my year and I have waited a long time for this. I dont want to be brought down because you have your own issues on why you are still single.
DO I maybe say something or do I just ignore it and make due? Pulling her as my Maid/Matron of Honor is not really an option because she is a part of the family as well in a matter of speakng and it would just cause too many problems.
Post # 3
I would ask her how things are going, and see if there’s something else bothering her. You don’t want to accuse her of being jealous, because that’s not going to get a good reaction even if it is true. But maybe she’s struggling in her life right now, and feels like she can’t talk to you about it because she doesn’t want to bring you down. Or maybe she feels like you’re so focused on your wedding that you’re not really interested in her. I’m not saying that any of this is definitely the case, but you can broach the subject by asking if everything’s alright, because you feel like you’re growing apart, and see if she opens up at all. Good luck.
Post # 4
I would talk to her and just tell her that you have noticed she doesn’t seem very happy about the wedding lately and you want to make sure you didn’t do anything wrong. If you approach her with genuine concern for her wellbeing you are much more likely to get an honest responce.
Post # 5
I had a long talk with her on Sunday (3 hours via Skype, since we are on opposite sides of the country) and I asked her 4 times if everything was ok and eventually she said she has been in a funk for a long time now, which I have sort of known and understand BUT that isnt a reason to be rude about certain things either. Her being in a funk isnt my fault and if anybody has been a good friend and understanding that hs been me. I dont expect her to be jumping up and down that I am getting married but being snarky isnt fair either. I would never come out an accuse her of being jealous, that isnt my style….but its a sense I get just from some of her comments and actions as of late.
Post # 6
I had a very similar experience with my Maid/Matron of Honor. She started distancing herself and then got very mad over me over what should have been a minor incident. When I tried talking to her to figure out what was going on with her, she listed things about me that were bothering her. I knew the real issues related to how she was feeling about her own life and weren’t really about me. It was very difficult for me to deal with as I had hoped to share my wedding experience with my her. My best piece of advice is to try to talk to her. If she can’t acknowledge what the real issues are (and honestly, they are most likely related to insecurities about her own life, etc.), then you need to find other friends who are willing to play surrogate Maid/Matron of Honor. You will be surprised at how your other friends will step up for you and help you out. One thing I’ve learned is that weddings bring out all kinds of emotions in people and will really show someone’s true colors!
Post # 7
I also had a similar experience with a friend who is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding. My friend, like your friend, is also single and most of her friends are married, having babies, engaged, or in serious relationships. She too, is bitter and has issues about why she is still single. I honestly don’t think there’s anything you can do except ignore her when she makes a snarky comment (I know it’s easier said than done). You’ve already tried talking to her, and she won’t come clean about why she’s upset. And the true reason she’s acting the way she is towards you is because of her own insecurities about not having a significant other in her life. With my friend, even though she’s in my wedding, I don’t talk about my wedding with her unless she is the one to bring it up first. I know it sucks when a friend who is close enough to you to be a Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaid truly isn’t excited for you, but what I’ve realized is that you just have to continue to be happy with your own life and let her wallow in her misery. If you don’t acknowledge or pay attention to her behavior, she’ll either realize how ridiculous she is being, and come around, or she’ll continue to distance herself from you, which may be better for you in the long run. I think you have every right to be happy with your life and the fact that you are getting married, regardless of how your friend feels about her own life.