- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
Oh ladies, where do I start with this one? I’m very sad right now because my best friends -also my Maid/Matron of Honor -and I are in a really huge fight and I’m not sure how to solve it.
First off, the conflict isn’t wedding related, thank god. However, if it doesn’t get taken care of, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask her not to be in my wedding, which breaks my heart. I’m going to try to explain without being long-winded but it’s kind of hard to understand the situation with only a few details.
I’ve known this woman for years now and we’ve always gotten along wonderfully. Until this past weekend. I was extremely busy and I’m on a new birth control so I’m moody. I’ll admit that. We had decided to watch the football game together on Sunday. We live about 20 minutes apart in different towns but it so happened to be that there was a bridal show I wanted to go to in the same town as she lives in. I thought we could stay in her town to watch the game – make it easy for her.
I suggested all sorts of places, but the one I wanted to go to, an ex-friend of hers hangs out at. She said that she’d have to leave if this person was there because her ex-friend would confront her on their falling out and it would get ugly. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just ignore this person, but she said we could see if this person was there first. The other place I suggested was a bar owned by one of my good friends. She shot that down saying she had terrible service (not likely) and that this bar didn’t have microbrews on tap and she didn’t drink them from a bottle. I was kind of appalled by the comment, but let it go. We decided on the first place if her ex-friend wasn’t there.
We had gone camping the night before and I was tired and kind of overwhelmed by everything at the bridal show. My friend started texting like mad and calling me during this. Apparently her ex-friend was at the place we were going to go, so she left. I was busy and only caught the first half of the text. I answered with something about maybe catching the next game. I assumed she was going home. The rest of the text said she would suck it up and come to my friend’s bar. After seeing my text, she sent one back saying it didn’t sound like I was into it. I apologized and told her we were at the bridal show and of course we still wanted to watch the game with her. She went to another place two doors down from my friend’s bar until we could get there.
She ordered food and kept saying she’d be over to hang out with us when she was done. But then she kept having excuse after excuse why they were still at the other place. Finally I sent her a text saying to have a nice day and that I was assuming that we wouldn’t see her, since she wasn’t going to drop in at the place we were. She got defensive saying she was waiting for a guy to arrive (one that she had dated, he treated her like crap and she said she stopped talking to). So essentially I felt like she ditched my Fiance and I for her ex’s ex (another weird thing) and a guy that had been a jerk to her. We had specifically stayed in her town to hang out and watch the game with her. We could have gone back home. I told her this, making sure to use “I feel” so she didn’t feel attacked. All I got back was that she was sorry it came off that way and that I didn’t understand. That statement felt like an extremely fake apology that I took her statement wrong. She didn’t apologize for ditching us or anything. Now we were only two doors down from her. So we did the right thing and went over to say hi. I didn’t want to stay where she was because I had other friends at the other place. So I made an effort.
In the end, I still felt really hurt. I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because we are so close. I wanted to spend time with her but she only wanted to spend time with me on her terms. I could have stayed where she was, but if I start letting her dictate the terms of our friendship, she’ll keep doing it. I asked her to grab a coffee or something to talk it through and she agreed. But she cancelled today saying we could talk on the phone. I was trying to figure out a time and she kept biting off my head because she read my text wrong. It seems like any time she takes anything wrong, she’s immediately goes on the defensive and starts being nasty. Now she is acting like there isn’t a conflict. I don’t get it. I can’t be friends with someone who hurts me and can’t see her mistake. Sweeping conflict under the rug doesn’t help the situation.
I don’t want her in my wedding if she’s going to act like this. I need people to support me, not be nasty when they don’t get their way. I want to make things work with her because I do love her, but she doesn’t seem to see the problem. Do I let it go and see how things go or do I gently try to tell her how the situation made me feel? Am I over-reacting? Thanks for reading, I know it was long!