Post # 1
Hello ladies! I have a bit of a Maid/Matron of Honor dilemma and was curious if anyone else has been in the same boat, and if so, how you handled it.
I want my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. This should be an easy enough decision as I don’t have sisters or many close girlfriends. We have known each other since 5th grade! The one problem is that she has proven herself to be very flakey. It often takes her weeks at a time to return calls, our girlfriend phone chats sometimes get cancelled without cause, sometimes no response to texts, etc. I have learned to deal with this as a friend (and don’t get me wrong I know life gets in the way and I have done it too!), but I am unsure how she would handle being a Maid/Matron of Honor even though I feel like she is the only one that deserves to be. Is there any easy way to say or ask “Hey you can be super flakey, but do you think you could handle Maid/Matron of Honor duties?”. In all honesty, there is not much I would be asking of her to do anyway. I am only planning on have maybe 1 other person in the bridal party. My only issue is that I am planning my wedding in another state (and in the city where she lives!) when I am states away, so I know she would be very helpful at times but I am not anticipating many issues. In all honesty, I would rather have her as Maid/Matron of Honor, or really not have one at all. So if I choose her, is this something I would just have to deal with if her normal tendencies kick in? Is this something that is even possible to address from the start without feelings being hurt?…
Post # 2
artdecogal: She has no duties except to buy the appropriate attire (within her budget) and show up, on time for your wedding. Anything else is completely voluntary.
Remember, the point of having a Maid/Matron of Honor and wedding party is to HONOR those individuals who you feel are your nearest or dearest. It is not to have someone be there to help you plan things or to help coordinate parties for you.
So if this person is your closest and dearest friend then you should ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 3
freckles071611: I understand that she doesn’t have duties, and I should have made that more clear. I am not expecting my Maid/Matron of Honor to do anything other than show up and maybe help if something goes wrong with the cross state planning process. But with her, I just feel like even a simple phone call about a dress, or her even remembering to purchase it, might become a huge rigmarole.
Post # 4
artdecogal: Her beavior and her very nature are not going to change because you are getting married. The only thing you can change is your expectations.
Post # 5
There are posts like this daily where people are upset that the Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t doing the duties that the bride thinks they should be doing. You know going into it she is a flake. You need to decide what your expectations of her are. Do you expect her to do more than show up? Can she show up on time? If you want more than that you will probably be dissapointed and posting at a later date complaining. If she is your longest best friend ask her and if she colunteers for more just be greatful.
Post # 6
artdecogal: But you know how she is and she is not going to change whether you make her a Maid/Matron of Honor or a Bridesmaid or Best Man or even invite her as just a guest. And if something goes wrong with cross state planning she doesn’t have to help. Planning is on you and your Fiance.
Look, she is an adult and you obviously want her as your Maid/Matron of Honor. So ask her. Then it is up to her to figure out when to book her travel, buy her dress, etc. All you can do is provide her with the information and then let it go.
Post # 7
artdecogal: Does your budget allow for a wedding planner or even a Day-of Coordinator in the city of your ceremony?
Post # 8
If I were you I would ask her to be the Maid/Matron of Honor, but count on her being flaky. The only thing I asked my bridesmaids to do was get a dress (of their own choosing, but in a color that I selected), and that was 9 months ago. The ones that are flaky still haven’t gotten theirs and the wedding is in February.
Post # 9
artdecogal: I’d have her as a Maid/Matron of Honor but expect that she will show up in a dress that may or may not be of your liking.