Post # 1
Ive been planning my wedding for about a year and everything has been going great! i wanted my planning to be easy stress free and now its just the opposite. Ive been so stressed and need some advice! Sorry its a long one!!
“N” and i have been best friends for about 10yrs and i thought she would be the perfect MOH, little did i know this would not be the case. When i first told her i got engaged she seemed to be soo happy for me and a month after being engaged we choose our bridal party (BIG MISTAKE) i introduced “N” to my FH friends and a few weeks later she started dating one of them (he is also one of my ushers) i was soo happy for her, but thats when things slowly started changing. I noticed there relationship was very strange and rocky in the beginning and i expressed how i felt but at the end of the day it was her decision, to this day almost a year later there relationship still stands the same.
This is where the drama begins.. one of my bridesmaid “C” and i have be friends for about 2yrs but have gotten really close the past 6 months we are always together and shes always asking me questions about the wedding and what to do and how to help. (something my MOH should be doing right?) I think in the past year my MOH asked me 3 times hows the wedding planning going! Since “C” noticed that “N” wasn’t really stepping up to the plate she took it apon herself to plan my bachelorette party (something i was not supposed to know about!) “C” sent out an email to all my other bridesmaids including my MOH stating what she wanted to do and how we would have so much fun. I have talked about going to Vegas so thats where she was planning my bachelorette. All my other bridesmaids answered her back saying yes but for a certain budget (which of corse is understandable) but my MOH the one person i thought would say yes 100% said she “couldn’t afford it”!!! (did i mention out of the blue a few months ago shes planned and booked a Hawaii trip for her and her BF which i said is a weird relationship) and now always says she have no money. But thats not even the worst part in her email back to “C” she said she couldnt afford Vegas but she’ll do another party a bit more local the moth before vegas and all the other girls were invited to do that!?!? “N” was saying in her email that it was too much on top of my wedding expensives? when she hasnt done anything for me and the only thing she needs to buy is her dress which will not come out to more then $250. So obviously “C” was pissed that she did that and now they are both giving eachother attitude and not really talking to eachother. In the end they both told me about the vegas trip and i heard things from “N” talking about “C” and “C” talking to me telling me things about “N” i HAD to cancel this trip because i knew nothing good would have come from it and at that time i told them both i didnt even want a bachelorette party because of this stupid immature drama. When on the phone with “N” she became VERY defensive and making herself the victim and giving me attitude, when talking to “C” she broke down crying and how she doesnt understand why this is such a big deal she was planning something nice for me and why is this being blown out of proportion. After all that it was so awkward when they are both together and ive tried telling them to talk to one another and clear the air for me because the last thing i want on my wedding is DRAMA! they both tell me my wedding day will be fine and there will not be any drama (which i dont believe) but from now until my wedding May 24, 2014 we are going to have lots of meetings, dress fittings, appointments and i know it wont turn out good!
I am also starting to plan my jack and jill always talking about and still waiting for my MOH to ask how thats going or do i need help! its so frustrating cuz weve been friends for so long and now i feel like the time i need her the most she is definitely not there and too caught up in herself, her relationship and her Hawaii trip! Those are the only things she talks about now. On the other hand “C” has been right by my side on track for the jack and jill. Her and a few other people from my bridal party as well as my parents and future mother in law have bought a ton of prizes! when i bring up the jack and jill to “N” she doesnt say anything or changes the subject. i feel like ive made the biggest mistake asking her to be my MOH! Even my dress fitting were awkward when she was there! I was trying on dresses and my MOH was in the corner head down on her phone! while my bridesmaid “C” was up with me looking for dresses (she actually picked the dress i bought) My mom tells my that “N” is jealous of me and “C” relationship but i dont understand why. she is not the same person she used to be and i find she is just so selfish and always worried about herself, and after all this drama between her and “C” now when i see “N” its awkward and we say hello weird needless to say you can feel the tension. Im just so hurt and so upset that she would treat me like this and put me in the middle of this drama its so frustrating talking to her now because im trying to finish planning my wedding (thank god for “C”) and all shes worried about is a Hawaii trip (which i dont think she should have ever booked) if she was so tight on money and knew a year before she was going to be my MOH and keeps complaining about “wedding costs” this trip should have been the last thing on her mind!
My FH has told me to just demote her or kick her and her BF out because they are both useless and havent done anything for us, but we have been best friends for so long i dont know if i can do that. but at the end of the day its about me and my FH so ill have to figure it all out somehow.
Thank you and sorry its soo long i just dont know what to do!
Post # 3
@babiibella: First of all, I’m so sorry this has been put on to you. It’s not fair and the last thing you need. Having said that, the MOH/BMs don’t really do much besides stand up there with you while you get married. Their help is purely optional. My BMs/MOH all got into a group chat and that’s how the dresses, shoes, makeup and hair was decided – that’s it.
If she’s giving you so much grief, kick her out of the party entirely. If you feel that bad, just demote her, and make the helpful BM your MOH instead. If the MOH doesn’t like it, she should have thought of that before all this crap happened.
All the best! <3