MOH Dilemma and friend troubles

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Can you ask her and give her the option to be your MOH? Say you understand that she has a lot of responsibilities now that she’s going to be a mom, but you’d still love for her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor though you understand if she has too much going on.

Post # 3
Member
787 posts
Busy bee

To be fair, she is incredibly busy and has a lot on her plate. 

This could be her drifting from the friendship, or it could just be a period of time where she has very little extra energy to dedicate to it. 

I think it would still be okay to ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. If she says it’s up to you, she’s still willing to do it, despite how busy she is. What I would say, though, is not to expect any more of her than standing at the altar with you in the dress you’ve chosen. All of the typical maid of honor duties (any kind of shower or bachelorette) shouldn’t be expected of her given her current situation. You may want to ask a family member or another friend if they’re able to pick up the slack in those areas, since your Maid/Matron of Honor has a lot going on in her life. 

My fear is if you don’t ask her, the friendship will start to slide for real. She should be able to stand next to you on the wedding day without having to go too far out of her current schedule and financial comfort zone. 

Post # 5
Member
4636 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

ladyspectrum :  I would drop the maid of honor discussions. She obviously has major life changes going on. Has the baby been born yet? Distance can be hard on relationships, but just maintain a consistent effort to reach out to her and see how she’s doing. See how she’s preparing for the baby etc

She might have sensed some of your shock about her pregnancy, and did you ask her if she trapped him? She might have pulled away based on your reaction.

Just show her that you are interested in her and that you care about her by checking in to see how she’s doing.

I feel like this goes beyond a maid of honor for you, you feel like you are losing your friend. Stop talking about her being a maid of honor and start talking about how everything is going in her life. If the friendship is a good one, she should reciprocate and ask how your life is going too

Post # 7
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

ladyspectrum :  I would give it a little more time – I’m assuming she’s still pregnant right now? Your wedding isn’t until 2021, so I’d give it a few months and see if things start to normalize again. She might just be worried about fully committing to something so far in advance, especially when it’s hard to fully wrap her head around how different her life will be by then.

It’s definitely not a decision you need to make quite yet. 

Post # 8
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, I think two years out is too much notice, honestly. I’d focus on reconnecting with her as a friend and offering support for her major life change coming up. Next year you can see where you both are at and revisit the bridal party discussion.

Post # 11
Member
1777 posts
Buzzing bee

Dont feel bad making promises like that. We all make them and we all know they aren’t enforcable and that friendships change and it just is what it is. She can’t possible expect a promise made years ago when you two were close is still in play now. Trust me she knows she is kinda mia in your friendship. 

Choose someone you are close to that you want to be your Maid/Matron of Honor not someone who can’t reuturn a phone call or a text. Trust me, kid or no kid, being a good friend is possible regardless. Choose who you want, invite her to the wedding and do your best to go out in your new city and make some new wonderful friends. As an adult making friends is harder but so much more worthwhile because you aren’t friends with people because of an obligated past history from childhood, but because you really connect with someone and have commonality. 

Post # 12
Member
4645 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You really think it is so unlikely that a 26 year old would become pregnant that you actually think it is likely that she tried to trap him?! What? I would limit contact with you after finding out that is what you thought of me.  She is going through a big transition right now and she probably thinks you aren’t supporting her.  Those apps are a load of BS unless you have a super regular cycle, without measuring your temperature all those apps can do is guesstimate your ovulation. 

Your wedding is so far away if the baby will be 2 by then and hasn’t even been born yet so I would just cool it for now, I wouldn’t rush to make her step down.  It is way too early to be thinking about bridal showers or bachelorettes anyway. 

Post # 14
Member
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

ladyspectrum :  Since your wedding is in 2021 hold off on asking anyone to be in your bridal party, its pretty likely you’ll make a new friend or 2 between now and then. My engagement was a little over 3 years long and by the time I was a year away from my wedding some girls that were orginally acquaintences became my BEST friends. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors