MOH Dilemma and friend troubles

posted 1 week ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
4287 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

ladyspectrum :   Again, that wasn’t automatically my first thought, it was other people. …but never once did I thought she was trying to trap the guy until someone brought it up.

Well it wasn’t your first thought but it was your second, not much better considering you are supposed to be her best friend. 

Also, it wasn’t that she was doing any sort of birth control or protection and it failed, she was doing nothing but pulling out.

So how did she trap him?  Why would that conversation even come up?! If he is just using the pull out method then he is fully aware that it is unreliable and could lead to pregnancy so it is pretty disgusting that you and all your other friends seem to be putting this all on her.  He isn’t some innocent bystander, he had unprotected sex and now he has a baby on the way, hardly surprising.  This douchebag ran to the other side of the country when he found out your friend was pregnant and you entertain the idea that maybe she tried to trap him?  Maybe she is trying to distance herself after your hurtful behavior. 

Post # 19
Member
7627 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ladyspectrum :  

 

Just stop all this ,  Actually, it was other people who thought she was trying to trap the guy, not me, but those people who said that don’t know her as well. I didn’t think she was trying to trap him until other people mentioned it sounded suspicious that a 26 year old could have unprotected sex … ”  . Not your business and not, in any case,  how a good friend  should be speculating and gossiping. 

You are not getting married for years,  so stop talking to her about it  for a while , say a year ,  and find out how her life is going. Then  – and only then  –  think about asking  her. 

Post # 20
Member
8941 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ladyspectrum :  I think things are getting lost in translation here because you are on the spectrum. When I first read your post (and not your username) I thought holy judgement batman! No wonder your friend is pulling away.

But then I looked at your username and remember your other posts and just think your straightforwardness is a symptom of your disorder as is your thought process around this. Obviously your friend knows this given her answer.

It may be worth working through this with your coach/therapist. Looking at your responses (both here and in real life) and unpacking that. 

Glad your friend was able to clear it up for you.

 

Post # 21
Member
5765 posts
Bee Keeper

ladyspectrum :  Wait until about ten months before your wedding to choose your wedding party. As you’ve experienced, relationships change. You have a long time before you have to ask anyone.

Post # 22
Member
4681 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

j_jaye :  definitely. I read this knowing ops struggles in previous posts and it completely formed my response to what she was saying

Post # 23
Member
11128 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Maid of honor is just that, an honor for a close friend, not a job description. It’s inappropriate to choose a wedding party on the basis of who can afford the money and time to organize parties like a shower or a bachelorette in your honor. Both are optional and not an obligation of the Maid/Matron of Honor. Showers, for example, can traditionally be thrown by any friend, group of friends or friend of the family. If no one offers, you simply don’t have one. 

Whether she is still your closest friend two years from now is a whole other question. I wouldn’t ask anyone yet. But she’s obviously an understanding person for not being offended or upset that you wrote about her personal situation on the internet, even anonymously. 

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