Post # 1
So I’m not getting married til 2014 but this issue has been weighing on my mind: who is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridal party? I can easily name my best friend and a few of my college friends for life that I want involved… the only kicker in this whole equation is my younger sister. Two years younger than me and the middle child, she and I have always had a tumultous relationship even into our adult years. She cannot STAND my best friend to the point where she’s not even civil in her company while my best friend bends over backward to reach out to her and win her respect. I really would love to have my best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor and I know that will bother my sister some but I’m concerned that even having my sister as part of the bridal party will be miserable and bring unwanted drama. My best friend lives 1 mile from me while my sister’s 2 hrs away so she wouldn’t be necessarily present during the leadup to the wedding… so I’m just torn… Anyone have any helpful suggestions??
Post # 3
@jlbasford: I’m sorry that I don’t have a suggestion, but I do have a question. It’s just a matter of curiosity / trying to understand and isn’t meant to come across as judgmental, so I hope it doesn’t.
As it is your wedding, why do you feel that you should include your sister in your wedding party? If you’re not close, you’re not close. Do you think it would be awkward to have her included in the wedding party (especially as your maid of honor, if that’s the route you took) when you and (most likely) she will know that she’s there out of a sense of obligation, rather than genuine, 100% desire to have her there in that capacity, especially considering that she could bring drama and be miserable? Would it make your wedding / planning experience better or worse to have her be part of the whole thing?
For me, the answer would be simple. I don’t feel that family automatically gets a special spot in the wedding just because they are family, just as I don’t feel that family has a “right” to be there at all. But I know that plenty of (if not most) people believe that being related (something you have no control over) trumps people who are in your life by choice and who are there for you because you grew close instead of just growing up in the same home.
Post # 4
I agree. Your sister doesn’t need to be in the bridal party, especially if she’s going to cause drama.
But if you want them both in the party, they will have to be civil to each other. If they love you they will.
Post # 5
I disagree I’m afraid. I think sisters should be in the wedding party. Family is for life. It sounds like your younger sister is jealous of your best friend and could be hurt that she’s not close. Could you talk to her to ask if she’s willing to behave? Honestly just not addressing it could cause drama all by itself. I would at least have a talk about if she could suck it up for your best friend.
Post # 6
Hey, I’m stuck in this EXACT situation….best friend just got engaged and wanted me and her older sister to be dual MOH’s, when she asked me I was thrilled! Many hands make light work and besides, it’s whatever she wants, right? WRONG! When she asked her sister to share the honor she hit the ceiling! Screamed at the bride, made her cry, then called the parents and kicked up a fuss over the budget…not cool! So now we’re in this awkward no talking stage, it’s been a week, no word from the sister and the bride has to rally and call her after her sister was the one that made a mistake….it’s really awful. I can’t make the decision for you, but your Maid/Matron of Honor should be your go-to person, your wingman, the get-er dun girl and emotional dumpster, if your sister can’t do that, which is doesn’t sound like she can, I would choose the one that I could count on, drama be damned…..it’s a wedding, not a political coup. Pick the ones you want with you and find another way to make your sister feel special. Just because she’s not the Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t mean she can’t have a special dress, corsage…whatever….
Post # 7
If you haven’t asked anyone, I’d highly suggest waiting until you’re no more than a year out from your wedding to ask your bridal party. Relationships change, and I’m sure you’ve seen posts from brides saying they asked people too soon and now are trying to ‘remove’ their friends from bridal parties – a definite no-no!
Then, once you have a year until your wedding, look at your friendships and relationships. Who would you call at 3 AM to hide a body? That’s your Maid/Matron of Honor. Who would you tell the next morning and swear them to secrecy? Those are your bridesmaids.
Post # 8
@jlbasford: I have the same dilemma 🙁 I have a twin sister but we don’t exactly get along. But she EXPECTS to be my Maid/Matron of Honor although I would absolutely LOVE my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. And aside from the whole issue of that.. my sister has always had some kind of jealously towards me and does anything in her power to “ruin” anything I look forward to (ex my wedding!!). I don’t want to compromise having who I want to have as a Maid/Matron of Honor, but I don’t want any EXTRA drama at all, so my SO and I have decided that when we do decide to get married, we will go away to Niagara Falls with just our parents and have a big party when we get back, that I can tell both of them they would have been my Maid/Matron of Honor and they can help however they wish with no drama or pressure. Obvisouly going away to get married is not an option for everyone… but that’s what we decided to keep the sister drama away. Kind of sucks in a way that we have to run away.. but i’m sure you totally understand!
Post # 9
@futuremrsfitz18: This is great advice- relationships do change and I have hope that my sister’s and my relationship will improve with time. I really hope that next year when I’m getting ready to ask my girls, we’ll be in a better spot.
Post # 10
@mrsgantz: That’s one way to do it and I would probably consider that option to remove the drama if my SO didn’t want the traditional big wedding so badly. I’m hoping a mature discussion with my sister when I’m ready to ask the bridal party will result in her sucking it up for my big day and being supportive.
Post # 11
I have a friend that had two maids of honor. You could definitely do that. And if you would rather your friend take on most of the event planning duties, then you can ask her to do that.
Post # 12
I would do what makes you happy. Ultimately it is your day. I think in general you do need to include her in the bridal party. Think of how hurt you would be if she did not include you in hers. However, as far as your Maid/Matron of Honor goes I think you should go with your heart on this one. I know plenty of brides who have sisters but have used their best friends as their Maid/Matron of Honor. Do what YOU want, not what everyone else wants.
By any chance have you considered having 2 MOH’s ?