(Closed) MOH disappointment…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Best course of action?
    Keep current MOH and find time to talk about things. : (3 votes)
    14 %
    Keep current MOH and stop pouting about it. : (12 votes)
    57 %
    Change to different MOH who is closer and/or has more time available. : (6 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    These is really no way to replace her and have that conversation without damaging your friendship.  While it may be disappointing that she wasn’t as involved as you’d like, no one is going to be as excited as your wedding as you are.  It’s not realistic to expect that she should back-seat her life-altering plans to yours.  Your friendship is evolving and it will continue to evolve as she continues with law school and as you adjust to married life.  Your friend sounds like an extremely driven student who focuses all her energy on her top priority and you sound hurt that your wedding is not her priority right now.  I don’t think you should replace her because that would really damage your friendship, but instead use the time between semesters to reconnect and catch up on things before your wedding.


    Post # 4
    9082 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    There may be a reason she is as dedicated as she is.


    I am a perpetual slacker. I will bust my ass for a very long time but if someone gives me an opportunity to slack off, I will, and sometimes it leads me to never getting back on track. I am not saying your MoH is a slacker, but maybe there is a reason she is being so focused. Maybe she’s picked up some extra work, or is attempting to do better on a test/grade/paper/whatever? Maybe she’s in some extracirricular activities that require her attention as well.

    It isn’t entirely her fault she hasn’t been a big of a part as you’d wished. You chose her for your MoH for a reason, and if I were in your position, I would keep her and not say a word about it. School sucks, especially law school.

    Post # 5
    435 posts
    Helper bee



    You want to kick her out because her school takes priority over your wedding?  You have unreasonable expectations of what a Maid/Matron of Honor is supposed to be doing.  As long as she shows up on the day in her pretty dress that should be enough.  Anything else is just a bonus.

    Post # 6
    3136 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    The first year of law school is ridiculously overwhelming. Cut her some slack. Your wedding is in a matter of weeks- there’s no way to do that without coming off as a first rate bridezilla. If you really wanted her for the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress fitting & you knew she was unavailable then you should have scheduled it another time. For her law school is much more of a priority, but that doesn’t mean she is not still your friend. 

    You will realize as you get older that the definition of a friend will change. People get married, move away, have kids etc and their priorities shift. If you care about the friendship, you accept this new relationship and appreciate the time you have. If I got mad at every friend that drifts away a bit because of life, well, I would be a pretty miserable person. 

    Post # 7
    8438 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    @padme:  I agree with you.

    OP you even said that she would be dedicating her 3 weeks off to your wedding- not relaxing or chilling out after the stressful and hard first 7 months of law school.

    Have you been there for her at all during this transition for her? You never once mention supporting her, calling her, going up to her school to see her. Sounds very one sided to me.


    Post # 8
    7561 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @mamadingdong:  Agreed.

    Soon she’ll be on winter break and will have time to plan with you. 

    Post # 9
    2488 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    My Maid/Matron of Honor had to move 4 hours away right after the engagment. She luckly got to do dress shopping with me and was able to attend one of my two showers but last min had to back out of one of the showers, she wasn’t there to help with hardly anything untill the day before but you know what it was our love that mattered most. That mattered that she had the title and she did the best she could.

    The topic ‘MOH disappointment…’ is closed to new replies.

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