Post # 1
So a friend and I are throwing my soon-to-be sister-in-law’s bachelorette party. It’s going to be a destination bachelorette party and we already have the guest list set and confirmed. My issue is that the maid of honor (her sister) isn’t even going and she is the one who chose the place. She was iffy on going to begin with and she hasn’t help planned at all. I’m a bridesmaid myself so don’t necessarily mind trying to make this party a weekend to remember. I’ve been keeping in contact with the Maid/Matron of Honor and updating her on some of the plans. I’ve also been asking here if she could financially help but I guess it was more of in a subtle way. She has been answering back that since she is not attending that only the girls in attendance should be splitting the costs. Am I way out of line here? I’m not sure if she’s financially struggling but I myself am not rolling in the dough. I’ve been trying to ask for any help at all from the bride’s flight to the hotel room to simply just for party favors and decorations. Should I expect anything from the maid of honor financially or should i keep the costs strictly w/in the people attending?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House
I don’t know. These large scale destination parties make my head spin – what happened to a good old drunk night out at the male strippers with a bunch of rowdy girls?
I get what you’re saying: she should help because she’s in the bridal party. But I see her side too… she isn’t going.
I think you’re going to have to pony up on the costs here. I don’t see any way to “make her” contribute.
Post # 4
It doesn’t sounds like she is going to contribute, so I wouldn’t push the issue. YOu and the other girls attending should do whatever you can afford – if that isn’t a whole weekend away then so be it. I am sure the bride will be happy with whatever you plan.
Post # 5
It’s her business whether or not to contribute. It would be nice if she did but she is obviously not planning on it. The state of her finances is really not relevant. Just go on the trip, have a good time and don’t worry about the party pooper. If the bride asks, just say that Maid/Matron of Honor could not attend and could not contribute to the costs.
Post # 6
@Miss Eagle: Pretty much exactly what I was going to say. Sounds like a non-issue – go without her and don’t worry about it.
I wouldn’t want to pay for a party I wasn’t going to (probably because I didn’t want to pay for it). Just hope that she’s saving money to help with a shower, wedding gift, or better yet, something important in her own life. 🙂
Post # 7
I don’t see why you’d expect her to contribute to something she’s not coming to. Her financial situation is none of your concern. If your financial situation was such that this trip was a hardship for you, a different plan should have been made. But to answer your question, yes, you are out of line if you’re expecting her to pay for something she is not attending.
Post # 8
i don’t think she should have to contribute if she’s not attending.
you never know other people’s financial situation.
Post # 9
I have thrown 2 destination bachelorette parties and I just had one thrown for me last weekend. Only the people going should contribute to the trip. That’s the way all of the ones I’ve been a part of have gone.
Post # 10
Why did you guys agree to a place she chose if she was iffy about going from the start? Why not find a cheaper option if money was an issue?
I think you’re out of luck, OP- I wouldn’t contribute to something I wasn’t attending, either.
Post # 11
@almostmrsj: She was asked to contribute for the bridal shower but also did not contribute anything to that as well.
Post # 12
@pinkfrog: WE didn’t agree to the place. The moh sent out the initial email saying she chose a destination bachelorette party. I offered to help and ended up planning the whole thing in the end.
Post # 13
Thanks for all the replies gals! I’m glad I was able to get outside opinions. I think I only expected some contribution from her because she IS the maid of honor and she did choose the destination. Not sure why she chose a destination if she wasn’t planning on going. I was under the assumption that the maid of honor usually fronts the bride’s costs if not at least some of it.