Post # 1
So I asked my best friend if she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor almost instantly after getting engaged, as she and her husband were part of the engagment surprise and I really wanted her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. (Her husband is also my Fiance best man.) She was pregnant with their 2nd child at the time and was due in March (we’re getting married in July). Unfortunately they lost the baby in September. I have never been through this and cannot even fathom how difficult it was for them. However, they now want to get pregnant again. I can understand them wanting to try again. They tried in December and it didn’t happen, so they are trying again this month. That means she will be about 7 months pregnant at our wedding. I get that every pregnancy is different, but with her first she was HUGE and very hormonal during her last trimester. My Fiance and I expressed our concerns to her and her husband about her health. She already lost one baby, is it safe for her to be on her feet all day, 7 mos pregnant, in the middle of the summer in the midwest heat? Not only that but now that we have talked to her about it and she insists that she can still be Maid/Matron of Honor she has started making snide little comments about related things. “I bet you’re glad I didn’t get pregnant in December, I know you don’t want a pregnant MOH” “I’m sorry but we can’t go to a bar or anything like that for your bachelorette party because I would feel dumb being pregnant at a bar” “If it doesnt happen this month, out of respect for you guys, we are going to wait until after the wedding” (Um, if they were trying to be respectful of us, wouldnt they wait until like Mar/Apr so she wouldnt be huge and miserable at the wedding?), And the most recent thing… Last night at our NYE party my Fiance and I were talking to another Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen (who are also married) about the pregnancy situation. I didnt say anything to them that we hadn’t already talked to the Maid/Matron of Honor and best man about. My Maid/Matron of Honor posted a status on social media about being irritated so I sent her a text to see what was up and if everything was ok. She told me that I would need to talk to my Fiance about it because she had her husband call him. I replied with “I guess you dont want to talk about it but I hope you arent mad at me, because if you are I have no clue what I did.” She again responded with talk to your Fiance. So I just said ok and left it at that. About 10 mins later she texted me with “Just be careful what you say to friends.” So now I just don’t really know what to do with regards to her being in the wedding. I am honestly just tired of the drama. Really can’t wait to see what my Fiance has to say tomorrow! Anybody have anything similar happen? How did you deal with it? Sorry this is so long but I needed to vent and figure out what other people thing about the pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor thing?
Post # 3
I think having a prgenant Maid/Matron of Honor is fine … if both parties are fine with it. I personally don’t have a problem with it. But considering her past, I’m surprised she hasn’t slowed down and thought about it.
You said that her husband is your FH GM? Maybe see if they can have a chat to one another and see what your Maid/Matron of Honor husband’s view on the whole thing is. Men aren’t as daft as they seem sometimes (haha!) and he’ll be able to gauge her feelings and what’s best for her/them/you.
However, maybe you just need to have a good heart to heart with her? My friends have all suffered from baby brain/heightened emotions and when you chat to them in one of their more “rational” moments, they apologise, cry and say it won’t happen again. I’d hate for your relationship to fall apart because of a difference of opinions.
Post # 4
@BearsFan0719: There’s a chance one of my bridesmaids will be pregnant by the time my wedding rolls around, as she and her husband want a big family, are in their early 30’s and are starting their family by TTC. I’m just going to roll with it because fertility doesn’t last forever. Plus I think baby bumps are cute!
Your Maid/Matron of Honor is probably hormonal, given everything that’s happened medically, and hurt, since she may feel like you were talking about her behind her back (not that you are, but she may have interpreted your conversation with other BM/GM that way) since she wasn’t there. If she’s lashing out at you, that isn’t fair and it’s not your fault.
I would just only discuss the possible pregnancy situation with her moving forward so you don’t open yourself up to the drama.
Also, if you want to go to a bar for your bachelorette, talk to your other BMs about it. Maybe you can go back after she goes to bed, since pregnant ladies need their sleep! It will be sad she’s not comfortable in a bar while pregnant – it’s her body, her child and her choice, but you shouldn’t have to give up your idea of a special fun girls’ night because she’s pregnant.
(Though I might be weird on that point – a good friend of mine complained when I wanted to eat things she couldn’t, because she was pregnant – think sushi, brie, deli meat, etc. even though I wasn’t pregnant. I acquiesced to her wishes to keep the peace, and the result is that I no longer hang out with her when she’s pregnant. I don’t like it when people impose themselves on me – it should be mutual.)
Post # 5
I think it is fine to have a pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor, too. But with her situation it scares me. I dont want to risk her or the baby’s health. My Fiance and the Bridesmaid or Best Man have talked, I’ve talked to the Bridesmaid or Best Man, my Fiance has talked to my Maid/Matron of Honor, and I’ve talked to her several times. We are all very open to each other (with the exception of her most recent problem). Her husband says he definitely understands our concerns and agrees with us, that if they get pregnant maybe she should think about stepping down. However, she tells me that he tells her differently. I don’t know if shes being 100% honest with me about everything and maybe there is something else going on.
I really want to make sure this relationship is saved. Did I mention my Fiance and I are their first child’s Godparents and if anything happens to them it is in their will that we are her guardians? Obviously we hope that never happens, but that is just how close we were.
Post # 6
@BearsFan0719: You sound like you mean well, and I hope she understands that. Crossing my fingers that this situation gets resolved with minimal stress.
I hope if something else is going on, she lets you know. You’re good friends for a reason, and I hope she remembers that! (hugs)
Post # 7
@BearsFan0719: considering the miscarriage I would be worried about her too! That said, you should not have talked to your other friends about her or your concerns at all. She is obviously in an emotional place and both the miscarriage and TTC are very personal things. It would hurt to hear someone talking about it, even if I were close to both parties. You should apologize for duscussing it and then drop the subject completely. If she is hugely pregnant and uncomfortable she won’t stand up during the ceremony. In the grand scheme of things that is no big deal. Trust her to make her own decisions and if she feels more supported her attitude will probably be better as well.
Post # 8
The possible Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t even sound like someone you should have as your closest helper on your wedding day. She can’t even respond to you with a real answer? Or call you about it? She sounds immature to me. I know exactly where you are coming from, it isn’t about appearances. I think you already may have had some doubts about a personality clash, and this could be the sign that you needed in order to pick someone else. However, if you feel like your relationship with her is tight enough, have a heart to heart and buy her lunch. 🙂
Post # 9
Honestly, I think you were out of line here. She isn’t even pregnant yet and you’ve been on her about being pregnant at the wedding. Getting pregnant after a miscarriage is a big deal and not something that you can expect her to plan around your wedding.
I suggest you backtrack. Focus on being a supportive friend first and a bride second. If an when she actually does get pregnant, deal with it then. If she is not going to be able to be in the wedding due to being too far along in her pregnancy, cross that bridge when you get there.
Post # 10
I think you meant to her “I don’t want you to risk your health to be my MOH” but she heard “I don’t want a pregnant Maid/Matron of Honor.” Sadly, without knowing her and only hearing your side of the story she sounds very childish. I think a good honest face to face with her to clear the air is in order. Mention her snide comments and how they make you feel. Ask her if you have offended her in anyway.
Also, never mention drama to a neutral friend. They probably took their opinions about it and twisted it.
Post # 11
@BearsFan0719: is it safe for her to be on her feet all day, 7 mos pregnant, in the middle of the summer in the midwest heat?
The only time she HAS to be on her feet is when she is walking down the aisle. You could provide a chair for her to sit during the ceremony or she could sit in the first pew.
Um, if they were trying to be respectful of us, wouldnt they wait until like Mar/Apr so she wouldn’t be huge and miserable at the wedding?
Her family planning has nothing to do with being respectful of you.
I think your concerns about her being hugely pregnant in your wedding may be coming across to her as being more concerned about your pics than her health. If you want her as your Maid/Matron of Honor I suggest you stop talking about any pregnancy related to your wedding, both with her or anyone else.