- 7 years ago
For those of you who didn’t read the last post, I have 2 of my best friends as co-maid of honors. One is in a dysfunctional relationship and has been off and on with this BF for the last year. I told her a year ago that I didn’t want her bf at the wedding and it wasn’t an issue.
As wrong as it may have been for me to say that, I thought giving her a year’s notice would allow plenty of time to sort out any issues. Come wedding invite time, her bf isn’t listed on the invite (mind you, they just recently got back together). Maid/Matron of Honor is mad, says BF assumed he was invited and she didn’t want to have that awkward conversation telling him he couldn’t come because basically he would tell her the same thing for the wedding he was in the weekend after mine. Maid/Matron of Honor has trust issues with this guy because he cheated on her so many times, so she feels she can’t let him out of her sight. Another reason why we haven’t hung out as much this past year – she is always with him and won’t do anything without him and I’m not interested in being around him.
Maid/Matron of Honor threatens that if BF can’t come, then she won’t be there either, neither will her mom or her daughter who is a flower girl. I was kind of shocked to be given an ultimatum/threat from my best friend/MOH and so I didn’t respond and give in immediately. I ended up giving in, apologized several times and told her how important she was to me and that if it means that much to have him there, then he is invited and welcome to come.
Then, Maid/Matron of Honor tells me she can only be there 1 hour for the ceremony and nothing else. No bachelorette party, rehearsal, morning of wedding, or reception. She told me she didn’t spend $ on a dress for the hell of it, so she is coming to the ceremony to get use out of it. At this point, I am hurt that she is retailiating in this way. She wasn’t mad I didn’t want him there, she was mad that she wouldn’t be able to babysit him the whole day.
I am sad that she is screwing me over, her bff for 20 years, 3 weeks before my wedding after everything has logistically been planned out to have her as a Maid/Matron of Honor, for this guy that she probably won’t be with long term. Not to mention, for the sole purpose that he cannot be there and she doesn’t trust him out of her sight, especially on a Saturday night (reception).
I don’t understand why she’d rather be miserable than single and I don’t understand why she would really be adamant about not being a part of anything related to my day besides the 1 hour where she can wear her dress.
Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t shown any excitement since I got engaged. AT ALL. It’s disappointing because you expect some enthusiasm from your bff. I’m not expecting anything out of the ordinary, but a congratulations or ‘let me see your ring!’ or something would’ve been nice. I’ve gotten more excitement from FI’s distant cousins whom I’ve met once and all of my other bridesmaids who I’m not as close with. So, I don’t know what to make of her bailing on me – is she using her bf as an excuse and doesn’t want to share in my day? I don’t know.
I’ve reached out to her yesterday…was ignored. Bridal party gifts have already been purchased, she has been paired up with a Groomsmen, final payments need to be paid – I need to know if I need to buy her bouquet or omit it, etc. I know I was in the wrong for excluding bf, and I apologized and gave in completely to what she wanted, but is her ‘compromise’ justified? I don’t know where to go from here. We are 2 weeks out now and she is now ignoring me.